New Dad is in the process of losing his family - Need help with Custody Document

[Philly]

Dear Fellow Members,

I need advice on what needs to be in an agreed upon custody document for my circumstances, because I am so new and feel very naive to this legal stuff, and I am not 100% sure of my lawyer.  I am filing for Joint Custody for my 20 month old boy named Caleb, but I will not pursue divorce because of my feelings for my wife.  My wife recently stated that she wants to reconcile but I do not believe her, she is under financial strains, and has to move from our old residence.

These are the facts:

- Met wife in NY at school in 1990 and dated till 96
- She was accepted to a Graduate PhD Program in CA 96
- We Married in 96 and Moved to CA for her school
 - In CA I created a Consulting Business that employees eight workers
- * My job requires 50% Travel
- I supported her through school
- We had Caleb our only child 5/02
- Wife was accepted to a one year Internship in different state AR (we agreed my travel would be worse because I would have to be in CA one week a month but we would manage it)
- March 20 Wife was accepted to a 2 year Residency Program in PA
- On August 10th 03 she wants a 90 day separation (Caleb was 14 months then).  I said no
- I stopped all travel to stay home with son
- On August 23 we moved to PA
- 9/5 Met with Lawyer
- 10/10 Found out about wife's affair that happened in AR, I moved out of house to live with sister
- 10/23 Wife pressured me to put son in daycare so I can go back to work
- 12/20 Wife gives notice to employer that she will not stay the second year of contract
- 12/20 Wife starts to look for new job Out Of State
- 1/24 moved to new apartment, and  filed for Joint Custody of son.
- 2/12 wife wants to reconcile

Because of the recent events with my wife's new desire to reconcile I want to get a legal document signed to avoid additional actions with my lawyer regarding going to court.  I asked him to send me a document to present to her and there is very little in the document.  The document just talks about our agreed schedule and our holiday arrangements, and I feel that there might be other things necessary.  I want her to sign something fast but I do not want to be missing important elements that need to be in the document today.

Can someone with experience in this matter advise me on if its ok to give her a limited scope document so she signs something today with the understanding that we can come back at a later time to make changes to it or have the scope more detailed now.

Thank you for all of your advice in advance.

Sincerely,

Philly

[Peanutsdad]

Philly,


In the event you both reconcile AND are still legally married,, any custody documents you sign become null and void in most states that I know of.

Married couples in the states eyes have equal rights to their children,, and as such,, she could reconcile and a month later,, move away AND take your son with her and file for divorce and custody.

I would definately check that angle PRIOR to making any agreement, and certainly prior to paying an attrny to draw up worthless papers.

[Philly]

Thank you so much for that advice.  

I really feel that she is going to move out of state, so what constitutes reconciliation?  She just signed a lease for her new apartment, so will the separate residence maintain the "Separation" regardless of where she sleeps?

[Peanutsdad]

Provided 2 seperate residences are kept,, the legal seperation CAN be kept intact. Under that scenerio, yes, I would have some sort of custody agreement in place PRIOR to attempting any reconciliation.


The question I have,, is if you think or feel the reconciliation is a sham,, why go thru it? You realize how much harder that is on the child??

[Philly]

Thank you for replying

The question you had "is if you think or feel the reconciliation is a sham,, why go thru it? You realize how much harder that is on the child?"

Well, I am not sure, and if she is really being true I do not want to toss it away on suspicion.  I really do not know if I can trust her but this is something for a marriage counselor to help me with.  

As for the Caleb, I am sure he has been through a lot, not understanding why there are two homes, and that is bad.