Where is mommy?

[pjdavis70]

I am a recently divorced, 33 y/o father w/ a 2 y/o son.  I love the little man to death and want the very best for him.  Mommy is 24 and apparently never realized that she was married.  She hasn't slowed her partying down enough to take our son for more than 48 hours the entire month (Feb).  I've looked at most all of the single parent support sites and can't find many for single dads.
As for my boy, he spends most of his time with me at my house.  He may ask for her every now and then (every couple days), but he is VERY content and loved by me, my sister and my mother.  It's almost like he is getting used to not seeing her.  Despite all the chaos, he seems to be adjusting very well.  He is a happy, healthy little boy.
The ex doesn't want to lose Kyle (custody), but at the same time treats him like a pet dog.  She only calls or stops by the house when it's convenient for her (between her work and parties).  I have called off work too many times to count because she couldn't be sober enuf to pick him up in the mornings, or I don't know which guy's house she is staying at this week (or day).  I am the one that is there for him on his down days when he isn't feeling so well, etc.  I want to go for sole custody, but am sooo afraid that the proverbial deck is stacked against me because I have a dick between my legs, and because she does make a half-assed attempt to see him at all.  While she IS his mother, she takes little role in his life and I don't want her holding he and I back from better life opportunities that may present itself to us.  What do I do?  I've tried talking with her and pointing out what she's doing and she apologizes and agrees, but goes right back to her old ways.
I am a cop in West Virginia, so I am well versed in court proceedings and we did our divorce pro se.  First and final hearing was the same day (2/11/04).  The final order was a straight 50/50 on time, support, residence, etc.  State law requires the judge to run the child sppt schedule.  I would be paying her $81/month due to the income difference.  She (judge) waived it all.  I have logged everything!  Work has taught me to document, document, document.  I have logged all of her actions (which she is stupid enuf to bragg to me about daily), and and kept a separate log on custodial times.  This has all been documented since we seperated on 12/4/03.  She is an alcoholic and a prior Rx abuser (possibly back into it).  She is a waitress and generally goes out to the clubs nightly to blow her tips.  She is a beautiful girl.  That's probably why she has no problem landing a different guy almost every night.  She takes care of him when she actually has him (diapers for her house, food there, etc), but she rarely does have him and she gives me nothing for when I have him.  I pay for the sitters, medical, etc.
I hope this gives you better insight as to what I'm into.
I just dread the fight I'm going to face when she finds out I filed (when I file).  I'm just waiting longer to get a post-divorce behavior pattern.  I have all kinds of pre-divorce/post-seperation shenanigans logged.

I know that this is long, but I figured that if I'm seeking help, I'd better air out all the laundry.

[kiddosmom]

OK, first off do NOT file for several months 5-6...  the judges usually think that is the best time frame to try for a change in custody and you can ask for it to continue status quo,, just make sure you have the documentaion ect that will prove you did have the child all that time. I would not go for sole unless she is actually trying to hurt the child. she just seems to want less time with him.

good luck keep us posted :)

[soon to be stepmom]

My SO went through this also about 3 years ago.  An almost identical situation.  He was told to keep taking his children for about one year and then file for placement.  He did eventually win primary placement of the children.  However, since that time they have been to court every year with her trying to get placement back so she doesn't have to pay child support.  The children are in the best situation and we fight back each time because even though she loves her children she's not a very good parent.  Do what is best for the children but be aware that you will have to fight, because you are a man, to keep it.  It seems that if a biomom is acting like she finally wants to be a mom they will cut her every break but it doesn't hold true the other way.

Good luck!

[kiddosmom]

you end up going to court in most cases  till the child/ren turn 18 anyway.

[Peanutsdad]

Its funny you say that,, because, that is how I feel about peanuts mom. I know she loves her,, BUT, her choices and parenting skills just are not up there at all.

PJ,

Keep the status quo for the time being. Establish the patterns of possession and go in 6 months to  year on a change of circumstance.

[wendl]

Document everything you can, and take child to all dr appts etc, this shows you are caring for the child. Keep the child in your care as long as possible for the status quo, cuz if the child goes back to mom to live it will be a long long battle to get the child back with you.
I am sorry to hear she parties, my ex 1st priority is his drinking then his flavor of the week then his neices, wish some of the men here were my sons dad, but luckily my son has a great stepdad.

[pjdavis70]

Thanx for the input folks.  Good advice in the 6-12 month wait.  I was gonna do it next month, but not now.  I downloaded that time tracker to try.  Right now it is on hard copy calenders.
Thanx again for the help.