need advice

[stepmommy_jewels]

Hi- I'm new to this board, and per the home page, I'm posting my situation to see if any of you have any ideas.  I have 2 skids- 6 and 8, boy and girl.  When biomom and dad split up (4 years ago), BM moved 3 hours away from dad with the kids.  She refused to let him see the children except at her house for a year.  (He's supposed to have joint legal,  secondary physical, EOW, with 4 weeks in the summer.)Then, she sent the little boy to live with us for 8 months.  The little girl came to live with us when she got out of kindergarten, for 3 1/2 months.  During this time span, we did not hear from their mother, and the phone was disconnected.  Long story short, she came back to get them the day before school started, police and lights and sirens.  We moved to the town where they live (3 hours away) to be able to see the kids more without having to go through a custody battle.  6 months later, she moves in with her boyfriend two hours away - only one hour from where they were divorced!  Throughout this whole time, visitation has routinely been denied, phone contact denied, major parent alienation.  We provide all their clothing, toys, etc., and all her income (welfare mom).  Finally, dad files a Motion for Family Access.  In court, she is reprimanded for denying visitation, and he is awarded make-up time.  They can't agree on who will pay court costs, so mediation is court ordered.  Mediation is a nightmare, in which she makes major false accusations, cries, carries on.  The mediator saw right through her, and they set in place a temporary parenting plan that is not legally binding.  Of course, guess who refuses to go by the mediator's parenting plan.  We feel like the only way to get to see the kids is going through a nasty custody battle, but we don't want to put the kids through that.  Also, financially a custody battle is almost unfeasible.  We have $3000 in back child support to pay off, plus outrageous attorney's fees to pay. (Yes, he pays child support now, and did pay her directly while the $3000 was accruing, but that counts as a "gift").  Does anyone have any advice?    

[richiejay]

I would say that for the sake of the children...you must find a way to get them in a stable environment.  I don't know how to get around the financial piece other than pro se.  There are many people on the board who have done this and won.  Tap them for info, but ALWAYS do what is best for the children...walk through fire if you must..it is worth it in the long run.

[Peanutsdad]

Ok, you guys learned a hard lesson,, direct payments should ALWAYS be noted ON the check as child support.


From the sounds of it, you really have no choice but a nasty custody fight.

If he has standard visitation, ie eow,, tell him to show up for his visitation and when she denies, file a police report EVERYTIME. The local PD may not WANT to, but they HAVE to take a report if you request it.


Once he has established a provable pattern of denail of visitation, take her back to court for contempt.  File contempt every 3 months if you have to. One of two things is going to happen,, either she'll knock it off and start allowing his visitation, or the judge will eventually slap her ass down on it.

We have several people on this site who have successfully used contempt of visitation to reverse custody.

[I cry_ in_the_dark]

That's interesting.

When I was denied visitation, the cops told me to call my lawyer. I told them I fired my lawyer, and all I wanted was proof that I was present for my visitation. They told me that since he had primary physical custody, he didn't have to make my child come with me.

He's in contempt, and once again, I'm screwed.

[stepmommy_jewels]

Thanks for the advice - my husband and I have talked this weekend, and think that we probably will have to go for custody, nasty as it is.  We had a lawyer that told us that if we have her found in contempt of court, it's a waste of time.  Not sure if that's true, but that's what he said.  I think his point was if you take them to court for contempt of court, you still don't get to see the kids.  I also had the same problem as the person above me - I've called the police and even had them come out to my house, but the absolutely refuse to file a report, saying it's a civil matter, to take it up in court, and it wasn't their problem.  ANyone know of a good lawyer in Boone County, Missouri, or how to go about finding one?

Thank you thank you thank you.

[Peanutsdad]

Dang,, with your handle,, I have a hard time finding a shortened version that sounds ok,,, "I",, or "cry" dont sound right.

When calling the police about contempt of visitation,,, most police stations wont get "involved" , ( there is an exception in Texas now,, I'll go into it later), BUT, you do have a right to have a report made out. A lot of the cops will resist making one out,, just persist in having them take the report. If they refuse, ask for their shift Sgt or immediate supervisor. Pretty son, they realize its just easier and quicker to take to the report. Dont get angry, dont yell, be reasonable and persistant.

[Peanutsdad]

That attrny was correct,, ONE trip back for contempt,, is worthless,,,,,, however,, repeated trips start to piss judges off.

One brick doesnt make a house.......


Tips For Getting Started
http://www.deltabravo.net/news/10-19-2000.htm

How To Hire An Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/hiring.htm

Hiring An Effective Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/effective.htm

Success Factors In Obtaining Custody
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tips.htm


One of the first things you'll hear around here is "Document, document, document!". Having good records is *crucial*. Get yourself either the Parenting Time Tracker (PTT) at: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tracker.htm