Joint custody--disagree on MH treatment for teen

[koko]

I am just wondering if anyone has had any exprience with a situation where the parents disagreed on mental health treatment.  I am the SO of a dad who has shared custody of his three daughters.  I am close to the girls and am a support for him.  

Divorce final in Jan.  The three girls actually live in the house with him.  But they have joint custody.  This relates to older daughter--age 16.  Mom is probably undiagnosed borderline personality disorder (maybe narcisstic)  Mom comes in in the afternoon to provide care to daughters  until dad gets home.

16 year old and mom have volatile relationship that has been deteriorating.  Daughter came to dad and told him she has been cutting.  She is very depressed.  She hates her mom.  Cutting generally occurs after altercations with mom.  She asks him not to tell her mom about cutting.  He is conflicted about this as he has joint custody and doesn't want to hide things from mom.  He sets daughter up in therapy.  The T is very concerned--sees her as quite depressed--in need of some control in her life.  T starts working w/dad toward changing visitation order--at least that was goal.  Meanwhile, T gets more concerned for daughter.  Meets w/Dad and tells him daughter needs medication review as she is so depressed.  Meanwhile mom starts calling and demanding to come into the sessions.  T refuses.  Says they are daughter's sessions.  She shows up and has a big scene demanding to be let in.  T doesn't allow it.  T encourages Dad not to break daughter's trust.  Dad does talk to mom about the medication eval--mom flips out--says she will not agree to medication.  Demands to know what is going on.  says nothing is wrong with daughter except that she is manipualting and conrolling the T and Dad.  Wants daughter out of therapy and states she will never agree to medication for the daughter.  Mom is calling Dad at work and raging about this every day and also raging at the T every day.  The T tells Dad simply to proceed--bring daughter for the eval--he has the right to go through with this.  They have changed the time so that mom won't know, and T has said that security will be on alert.

My question--in joint custody is he suppose to tell her everything(such as about the cutting)?
Will he have to take this to court to get permission for daughter to be on meds if mom won't agree--or is her permission needed?
How about therapy--does mom have to agree to the therapy too?
Are these things okay unless mom takes it to court?

Any guidance would be appreciated.  frankly, we are pretty afraid of her and what she may do.  This is the only time she has not gotten her way.  She cannot stand to not be in control.  

Thanks, Koko

[Kitty C.]

DH has joint legal custody, too.  But we NEVER know if SS has been to a doctor unless we get a receipt to pay half the bill.  Joint legal isn't worth the paper it's printed on, most of the time.

Given the volatility of the situation, I would suggest you do everything the therapist is recommending, including getting the SD on meds.  It appears this therapist will be a HUGE ally if/when it comes to getting visitation modified.

As far as her harrassing your SO at work, keep a good log of the calls, record them if you can, even have someone else take those calls, but if they continue, you will have to file harrassment charges, which could even come from SO's employer, if need be.  If the therapist is willing to get building security involved, it's obvious he/she is taking no chances either, and would prosecute if the situation warranted it.