Temporary Order - Help Please

[JeffR]

My STBX and I filed our own petition for disolution of marriage about 3 weeks ago.
We both agreed that it was in the best interest of our 4 minor children that we agree on joint legal and joint physical custody. We have had a reasonable schedule in place for the last 3 months and we agreed that this schedule could remain in place even after the divorce.

We both have similar income and neither of us believed that support would be necessary if we could agree to evenly split the expenses of our children equally.
I know this may seem odd, but it was the making for the almost perfect divorce in my opinion but not only that it seemed we both had similar interest in keeping it as problem free as possible for our childrens sakes.
This only left us with the dispersement of our bills and division of any equitable assets which we both agreed was fair.

Some recent events however have given me an extreme amount of concern regarding not only the mental stability of my STBX but what kind of harm might be caused to our children while they are in her custody.

A week ago, I received a phone call from her explaining that she had failed as a mother and that our children deserved a better mother. They were better off with me and she then hung up the phone.
I knew something was wrong so I drove over to her house right away to find that she had attempted to overdose on prescription sleeping pills.
I didn't know what had caused this change in her behavior, but I had my ideas. I had hoped that after her treatment in the hospital an some sincere talking with her I would get that answer and find out what her emotional / mental state was.. but I never did. She hid from the problem all week and didn't want to discuss it with anyone.

This brought me to a point where I feel I must do something and I informed her of this on Friday. I told her that she couldn't even take care of herself, how could I expect her to take care of our children ?
She agreed that I was right, she asked me to take our children while she got some help with her problems.
My concern at this time is if I should get a temporary order or if I should try to keep things as smoothly as possible as not to disrupt our children by stirring the hornets nest so to speak.
I think that it would be in our childrens best interest at this point to get a temporary order to prevent their mother from doing anything else without thinking about it which she had done a week ago.
Not to mention the suicide note I found when I arrived at her house was addressed to our 4 children, explaining to each one of them what she thought were good qualities and how those qualities were derived from her. I felt that if she had succeeded in what she attempted a week ago, I would have spent the rest of my life trying to tell our boys that they were not like their mother. This disturbed me immensely and still does but I don't know what I should do.

If there is such a thing as a temporary order, I don't know what its called exactly. I don't know what bearing it may have on our already filed petition and what this means to the overall outcome.
There is no hearing date set for our petition for disolution of marriage as we were ordered to attend a state required parenting class because children are involved.

At this point, I have to believe that my STBX is just giving me lip service and I need to see some proof that she intends to do something about her problems and I can't take any chances with our childrens safety until I have that proof. I still love her and care about her, I didn't want the divorce but I'm ok now with proceeding and moving on with my life. I just have to be concerned for the children at this point because I can't think that anything is going to change with her.

The children were with me when this event took place btw.. they were not with her at the time THANK GOD !!

I called the county court administrator as well as an attorney.
The attorney of course wouldn't tell me much but he certainly said he could file it for me for a "fee". The court administrator told me that they had all of the forms but she couldn't tell me what I needed to sign.
I don't know that a order for protection is in line as their has been no harm done to the children. Perhaps its something along the lines of temporary custody but I don't know exactly what I'm looking for.

I would appreciate any help that anyone could provide.

Thank you for reading.

[Kitty C.]

Sounds like you need to file for that temp. order NOW!  No, the kids weren't hurt because they were with you, but no court in their right mind would allow a suicidal parent to have any kind of custody right now!  When you file for the temp. order, also ask for psych evals., probably on both of you, and it will cost.  But it's the ONLY way to ensure that these issues are brought before the court so that the determination can be made of which parent the kids are better off with.

You don't come right out and say it, but has she been hospitalized in the past for mental health issues?  Does she have any other suicide attempts on record?  I know you don't want to  'stir the nest', so to speak, but think about what could happen to the kids if something DID happen while they were with her.  Also, if something did, and it was found that you knew of her mental state and did nothing to shield the kids, they can come after YOU for neglect.  Right now, stirring the nest is the least of your worries.  Protection of your children should be paramount.

This lady has some SERIOUS problems and should ONLY have supervised visitation, IMO.  Get an atty., get a motion filed for a temp. order (including the request for psych.  evals.), and ask for supervised visitation.  You are the ONLY one who can protect your children right now, so it's up to you!

[Peanutsdad]

Im afraid in this case, you need to file for a temp custody motion immediately, AND a protective order for the kids.  When you file your motions, you also need to subpeona the hospital records concerning this overdose, and attach the suicide note to the motion as exhibit.


You stbx needs help, and IMHO, needs a period of supervised visitation while she gets it.



Tips For Getting Started
http://www.deltabravo.net/news/10-19-2000.htm

How To Hire An Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/hiring.htm

Hiring An Effective Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/effective.htm

Success Factors In Obtaining Custody
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tips.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/missed-visit.htm


One of the first things you'll hear around here is "Document, document, document!". Having good records is *crucial*. Get yourself either the Parenting Time Tracker (PTT) at: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tracker.htm or the OPTIMAL Custody Tracking service at: http://www.parentingtime.net. The PTT is good, but the OPTIMAL service is definitely better.

[JeffR]

Thank you for the replies..

My STBX is a step ahead of me it seems, she has taken some steps herself and provided proof to me that she intends to get some help with this problem as well as many others she is faced with.
She has asked me if I would take our children on her scheduled days while she gets her own psych eval and treatment.

My concern is that I wasn't sure if it was in the childrens best interest to keep the children from their mother while she sought help or if I allow her to see them as long as they were not harmed and obtained help on her own.
Its a pretty grey area and I know in other cases here that the courts have looked more in the favor of the parent that is not judgemental or slanderous and shows the most interest for the children by not keeping them from the other parent.

At this point, as long as my STBX is showing effort that she knows she has problems and she wants to do something about it ( and proves this by her actions ) then I have to believe that she has every intention of fixing this under her own will and not by my forcing her to. Regardless of how things go, if she does get ugly this is still something that is definitely not going to work in her favor regardless of what she does.

I have documented everything though, I have the hospital records ( as I am the one that signed the admittance papers I have access to them ) and I also have her suicide note. I'll give her until the end of the week and see what steps she has made ( with proof ) and then determin if the boys should be with her at all.

[ExtraMom]

Get a file box and put any and all evidence in it. Keep a daily journal of interactions b/t you and your kids and you and your wife. DOCUMENT everything on a daily basis! Very valuable. She is showing instability and when she relalizes she'll lose custody she will get mean and fight dirty. Keep records of all you can and DO NOT let her know you are keeping track of anything.

File for custody ASAP! Whether or not she is getting help the children do not need to be exposed to her instability on a daily basis at this time. Suicidal depression does not go away in a week. She needs to be in therapy

[Anastasia042002]

Hello.

Okay, I have a bit of advice.  First, I want you to know that I can relate to your wife in the depression department.  You should know wher well enough to know if she has a history of depression, emotional, situational or chemical.  Living together and probably knowing her for many years, I am sure that you have some pretty good guesses as to what made her go off the deep end like that.  I have wanted to die before.  I have written suicide notes before.  A lot of of was to get attention from my mom because I was in a lot of emotional pain and I didn't know how to get any help and I thought the note would help.  At other times, I actually tried to kill myself and then chickened out.  Don't get turned off by this.  It has everything to do with your situation.  I am over my dpression now and am in the care of a good doctor.  I just had to drudge through this bad time until I could get good help.

Hopefully, your wife is not divorced from you yet.  If she is still legally your wife, you do actually have a lot of power here.  If I were you, with the little I know about this sit., I would have her admitted into a psychitric institution on the basis that she is suicidal.  You can do that as her husband.  There is a temporary order you can get but that is if she is a danger to your kids.  And they will easily determine that due to her mental state.  But I can tell you personally, as someone who has wanted to die at times, even after my son was born, I still love and loved my son then very much.  The pain of depression is almost unbearable.  And I am sure your wife loves her sons too.  And I am quite sure they love her and need her.  And if she dies, they will probably be very depressed and confused.  They may hate her for a while but they may also hate you for a while because you did nothing to prevent it although you knew she was in that state.  Now, if you petition the court for an emergency custody orderder and it is actually granted, she will have a PPO on her which will actually make her even more depressed.  She did not hurt the kids.  She wanted to hurt herself.  And actually, this PPO and emergency custody order will not prevent her from killing herself.  She does not need to be held from her kids.  She needs to be held in the care of a psychiatrist and trained staff 24 hours a day until they can get her mental state back to where it should be.  If you have any love for her left or if even just for your kids, you will not waste your money and time on this order but get her into a psychiatric institution ASAP.  I she is not willing to go, call the police and they will have her admitted by force.  That is what a loving father would do and your kids will thank you.

Then, during your divorce you work out, you must mention her mental state and use it for leverage to pressure her to get regular therapy.  When she says,  "How is my therapy any business of yours?"  You say that her therapy is your business when it affects your children.  You don't need to know about her childhood issues- only proof that she is getting regular therapy and professional psychiatric help that you, as their father are entitle to that specific information.