I Need Help!

[Known One]

Ok, here's the deal... me and my girlfriend have a 5 and a half month old son... we all live together and have since the day of his birth... so out of no where last week on her way to visit her parents who live down south, she tells me she's moving down there with our son... just like that... no discussion or anything... so she gets back yesterday from her visit and we talk about it for a little bit and she says she's still going... all because of a few reasons that could be easily handled if she would try... #1, we're not married yet... but I've been saving for a ring and she knows that.. #2, she doesn't have a job and doesn't get school grants and loans to pay rent anymore which is going to make it rough, but I know we can pull thru it #3, she says she misses her family... her family who never once came up north to see their first grandchild born, and who never call to ever see how he or she is doing... I find it kind of odd...and last but not least she feels our relationship isn't working

My main question is, can she just pick up from NY and move down south more than 1,000 miles away from me? I don't think she's thinking about my son at all, just herself... she says she misses her family so much and all this, but is that enough for her to take our son away from his father?

[VeronicaGia]

Has paternity been legally established by you taking a DNA test, signing the birth certificate or signing an acknowledgement of paternity?  Your best bet is to get an attorney, file for joint legal and physical custody and ask the court to stop her move.  Otherwise, she can do this and you'll be SOL.

[Indigo Mom]

However, it ain't just about her anymore.  She has a little piece of another person to think about.  She misses her parents and wants to be with them.  Cool..but your little boy will miss you, too...and since he's so young, he will forget you if she moves to another state.

UNKEWL!!!!!

Since you're not married to the mother, you're basically SOL.  So, what you need to do is what I did.  My daughters father and I weren't hitched, either.  He kept threatening to take her to Cali and not allow me any time with her...and because I was going through Hell with my sons case, i wasn't about to let that happen.  At that time, either one of us could have fled the state with the child...and there's nothing the other could have done.  So.....I filed a paternity action in court.  The moment it was filed, we were both restrained from removing her out of state without the courts permission.

That's what you have to do...like last week, dude.  File the paternity action, either acknowledge you ARE the father or request a DNA test.  personally, if you think you're the father, admit it...cause if a DNA test is ordered, the mother will have the child for the length of time it takes to get the test done and the results back.  (i know this is gonna get some people angry....sorry)  Once the child is living with mom temporarily, you'll have a helluva time changing that. I promise you...if you let her go with the child, consider yourself removed as the father.  At best, you'll get every summer for a few weeks and MAYBE every other Christmas.  Since the child is an infant, don't count on ANY of those being given to you.  You'll be an ATM machine as well.

You let her go to her parents...without the child!  Course, don't tell her that until you've filed.

I don't trust her parents, either.  Any grandparent that doesn't care about a child being ripped from a fit and proper parent isn't a grandparent in my book.  (I'm assuming you're fit and proper, btw)

Get to court, dude.....that's the ONLY way your gonna keep your son in the state you live in.  

[FatherTime]

Get an attorney.  File fast or you will be sorry.  

Yes it's true that the mother needs to grow up and think about your son.   But that doesn't matter right now.  You need to solidify the relationship with your son.  

Good luck with this...I went through the same type of situation.

[Brent]

>My main question is, can she just pick up from NY and move
>down south more than 1,000 miles away from me?

She can if you don't start fighting it immediately. Consider filing a TRO to prevent the child from being moved out of state.



>I don't think
>she's thinking about my son at all, just herself... she says she
>misses her family so much and all this, but is that enough for
>her to take our son away from his father?

Like I said, it can be if you don't start fighting it immediately.

Some of these pages will apply more than others, but they all have valuable information:

Protecting Yourself During Divorce
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/protect.htm

Tips For Getting Started
http://www.deltabravo.net/news/10-19-2000.htm

How To Hire An Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/hiring.htm

Hiring An Effective Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/effective.htm

Success Factors In Obtaining Custody
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tips.htm


One of the first things you'll hear around here is "Document, document, document!". Having good records is *crucial*. Get yourself either the Parenting Time Tracker (PTT) at: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tracker.htm or the OPTIMAL Custody Tracking service at: http://www.parentingtime.net. The PTT is good, but the OPTIMAL service is better.

[nosonew]

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[LizaLou1]

If he were to legitmize the child AND mary this girl  would that in the long run give him more rights than if he just legitmized the child?

Thanks

LizaLou

[Brent]

>If he were to legitmize the child AND mary this girl would
>that in the long run give him more rights than if he just
>legitmized the child?

Possibly, but it would also increase his liability in other areas. It wouldn't be something I'd recommend without discussing it with an attorney first.