Dads out there......need some advise real badly

[tommygunz]

I am a single Dad attempting to gain custody of my 2 young daughters, I thought this to be an excellent forum to garner some advise.

Here's the skinny as why I'm attempting to change the current "joint custody" arrangement that me and my ex currently have to one in which I and my future wife(current girlfriend) would than have sole custody:

My ex is a prostitiute currently and has been for the past 3 years or so
-She is a pathological liar and does not know what the truth is as she has made up lie after lie about me and my girlfriend so as to attempt to curry favor with the girls....I believe she is a perfect example of the "PAS" theory at play(Parental Alienation Syndrome)...unfortuanatly for her, I am with the girls too much.
-She has an alcohol and drug dependency issue that she is in denial about.(she was convicted of DWI last year at this time)
-She has attempted to manipulate by various means that I have already mentioned, the girls minds, so as to attempt to turn the girls against me and at the very least, make my job and my girlfriend's job when we do get custody as difficult as possible(PAS syndrome as I mentioned).
-She has been and still is dating a man(who she originally cheated with before I found out about it), who has a major bi-polar disorder and who is prone to violent outbursts and can snap at any time. To make matters worse, this guy also has a severe alcohol problem which causes him to do even more irrational things(he also just got DWI this past September and has at least 4 other alcohol/violence related offenses on his record from what I've seen of the police reports in the past 4 years).
-My ex has a terribly foul mouth and curses all the time in front of the girls not thinking twice about using the "f-bomb"(girls are only 7&9)
-She fails to provide the girls with proper hygene as she very very rarely gives them a bath or has them brush their teeth.
-She VERY VERY rarely provides the girls discipline that they need
-She has taught the girls to lie and that its OK to lie when necessary
-She and her boyfriend, I believe, also both have sex addictions as well as the both of them have admitted to me that they have went to "swinger clubs".

My questions for y'all are these:

1. Isn't prostitution(escorting) illegal and should deem a mother unfit?
2. Would I not be remiss as a father to NOT attempt to get full custody...eh?.
3. And do y'all agree with me that it would be unhealthy for me to allow the kids to stay with her and her boyfriend and that I should be given custody seeing that my girlfriend and I can provide the girls with a more loving,safe and secure evironment.

Or

4. I hired a lawyer around 5-6 months ago but am I fooling myself and the courts will never take the kids away from the mother even despite her "Jerry Springerish" lifestyle??......Thanks in advance fellas for any replies I may recieve.....I do appreciate the help and suport as I this custody battle has really gotten ugly as she has even posed as an attorney and called my bosses claiming I did some crazy unethical stuff in an attempt to get me fired(I kept the voice mail as my boss passed it on to me and I told him what the story was and he's totally behind me 100%).....unreal!!

-Tommygunz

[Kitty C.]

It depends on how well heeled you are.  And if you're like all the rest of us, probably not very, right?

Yes, prostitution is illegal, unless she's in Nevada, she's working for a specific employer, and she's tested regularly by the state.  My advise?  Scrap all the money together that you can and hire a great PI.  Have him find out where and when your ex 'goes to work', then have him call the local vice squad to report it.  If they can get her on enough charges (maybe they can rack up more charges if they're caught 'swinging'?) and put away for a decent length of time, you IMMEDIATELY file for emergency sole custody.  Get all the police reports on both the BM and her 'friend' (it's public info) and use it against her.

IOW, use her stupidity against her.  But don't do it 'directly'.  If it comes directly from you, it will make you look like a vindictive ex.  If it comes from others, it's viewed in a different light.

Or else you can sit and wait for her to screw up herself...people like her usually do.  She WILL get another DUI, that's a given.  It's only a matter of time.  If this PI can track her drinking and driving with the girls in the vehicle (and get her arrested for it), that's another easy way to do it.

Either way, you MUST get those girls away from her.  This is a major accident waiting to happen. It royally pisses me off that the courts idiotically will wait until a child gets hurt before they finally will do what's right, when that child didn't have to get hurt in the first place if they'd just done their jobs the first time.  

[Peanutsdad]

1. As long as it isnt in vegas,, I do believe prostitution is illegal, BUT,, if she hasnt been arrested,, you have no proof.

2. Yes you would be remiss.

3. Doesnt matter what we think, only matters what you can PROVE in court to sway a judge to think the same.


Tips For Getting Started
http://www.deltabravo.net/news/10-19-2000.htm

How To Hire An Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/hiring.htm

Hiring An Effective Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/effective.htm

Success Factors In Obtaining Custody
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tips.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/missed-visit.htm

Suggestions When Falsely Accused
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/falseacc1.htm

Dealing With Threats Of False Allegations
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/blackmail.htm



One of the first things you'll hear around here is "Document, document, document!". Having good records is *crucial*. Get yourself either the Parenting Time Tracker (PTT) at: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tracker.htm or the OPTIMAL Custody Tracking service at: http://www.parentingtime.net. The PTT is good, but the OPTIMAL service is definitely better.

[tommygunz]

THanks for the reply Kitty. Forgot to mention that I have 100's of documents of my X's including her very own web site and ads that prove she's a prostitute and not simply a "companion". She's not exactly the sharpest tool in the wood shed and so I've been able to accumulate alot of this evidence fairly easily. Do you still think I need a Private Investigator?? I mean, don't ya think I have plenty of evidence and about her wacko boyfriend as well....eh?

-Tommy


>It depends on how well heeled you are.  And if you're like
>all the rest of us, probably not very, right?
>
>Yes, prostitution is illegal, unless she's in Nevada, she's
>working for a specific employer, and she's tested regularly by
>the state.  My advise?  Scrap all the money together that you
>can and hire a great PI.  Have him find out where and when
>your ex 'goes to work', then have him call the local vice
>squad to report it.  If they can get her on enough charges
>(maybe they can rack up more charges if they're caught
>'swinging'?) and put away for a decent length of time, you
>IMMEDIATELY file for emergency sole custody.  Get all the
>police reports on both the BM and her 'friend' (it's public
>info) and use it against her.
>
>IOW, use her stupidity against her.  But don't do it
>'directly'.  If it comes directly from you, it will make you
>look like a vindictive ex.  If it comes from others, it's
>viewed in a different light.
>
>Or else you can sit and wait for her to screw up
>herself...people like her usually do.  She WILL get another
>DUI, that's a given.  It's only a matter of time.  If this PI
>can track her drinking and driving with the girls in the
>vehicle (and get her arrested for it), that's another easy way
>to do it.
>
>Either way, you MUST get those girls away from her.  This is a
>major accident waiting to happen. It royally pisses me off
>that the courts idiotically will wait until a child gets hurt
>before they finally will do what's right, when that child
>didn't have to get hurt in the first place if they'd just done
>their jobs the first time.  

[tommygunz]

Thanks Peanuts. As I mentioned to Kitty, I do in fact have proof of her prostitution. But worries me a tad is that when we went to the custody master back in early January, the master didn't want to address the prostitution issue at that time, but rather was more interested in her alcohol/drug abuse. At the time, the court ordered both of us to do a parenting class,drug/alcohol test/Home Study and Pyschological exams for her wacko boyfriend and my girlfriend.

I have adhered to ALL 4 of the court ordered stipulations.....my X, from what my lawyer and I have been able to ascertain, has definitly NOT done the Drug/Alcohol or submit to the pyschological exam. Only one we know she did was the Home Study but that's cause that's the easiest to be able to fool. Though, when the same woman who did the home study at here apt came to my home and I showed her all I knew, she was apalled and couldn't believe it was the same person she has interviewed a few weeks earlier and was going to write up all the things she saw with regards to the prostitution and violent acts of her boyfriend.

Bottom line, my X is mean,vindicative and unfit as she has used my girls as pawns. I only can hope and pray the custody master sees this........Do I have a good chance or am I resting on false hopes.....eh?

-Tommy

>1. As long as it isnt in vegas,, I do believe prostitution is
>illegal, BUT,, if she hasnt been arrested,, you have no
>proof.
>
>2. Yes you would be remiss.
>
>3. Doesnt matter what we think, only matters what you can
>PROVE in court to sway a judge to think the same.
>
>
>Tips For Getting Started
>http://www.deltabravo.net/news/10-19-2000.htm
>
>How To Hire An Attorney
>http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/hiring.htm
>
>Hiring An Effective Attorney
>http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/effective.htm
>
>Success Factors In Obtaining Custody
>http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tips.htm
>
>http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/missed-visit.htm
>
>Suggestions When Falsely Accused
>http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/falseacc1.htm
>
>Dealing With Threats Of False Allegations
>http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/blackmail.htm
>
>
>
>One of the first things you'll hear around here is "Document,
>document, document!". Having good records is *crucial*. Get
>yourself either the Parenting Time Tracker (PTT) at:
>http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tracker.htm or the OPTIMAL
>Custody Tracking service at: http://www.parentingtime.net. The
>PTT is good, but the OPTIMAL service is definitely better.
>
>

[Dibella2]

Wow!  Honestly, I am not one to give advice.  I do not claim to know a lot about our legal system.  However, I can tell you from experience that a judge will give custody to the father.  My DH just received his order after 2.5 years in court and he just got sole legal and physical custody.  Mother is all of the above (minus the prostitute - of course, there may be something we don't know - lol); however, yes, it is possible.  I'd tell you to go for it!   It's in your children's best interests that they not be exposed to that type of behavior.

Good luck.

[tommygunz]

Thanks for the input Didella....I can only hope that the courts will see it this way. Anyone else have any thoughts on my chances....I'd really appreciate it whether its positive or negative for me as either way, I would like to know where y'all think I stand.....thanks

-Tommy


>Wow!  Honestly, I am not one to give advice.  I do not claim
>to know a lot about our legal system.  However, I can tell you
>from experience that a judge will give custody to the father.
>My DH just received his order after 2.5 years in court and he
>just got sole legal and physical custody.  Mother is all of
>the above (minus the prostitute - of course, there may be
>something we don't know - lol); however, yes, it is possible.
>I'd tell you to go for it!   It's in your children's best
>interests that they not be exposed to that type of behavior.
>
>Good luck.