I haven't cried since I was a kid

[homewrecked]

Well, I really don't know what to do here, but my friend said the first thing I should do is come here and post my story.  So here goes...

I married my first and current wife, three years ago. Apparently, only one of us was in love. We have had two children. I am an Emergency Medical Technician by trade, and If the reader doesn't know, I'm here to tell you, we make peanuts. My wife has always wanted to be a police officer, so we formulated a plan. I would stop working, and go to school full time to become a nurse, and she would take a job in a very small town 600 away as a corrections officer at the county jail. Once I finished, I would work as a nurse and put her through the police academy. Sounds like a good plan right? Well....

All was going well. I was preparing to start my final semester of the nursing program at the local community college, but as it turns out, she liked another corrections officer better than me. In fact, we have been living there for almost a year and a half, and some where in that time she has managed to sleep with at least SIX different men. The first time I officially busted her was when I had a two hour instant message conversation with this idiot, while he thought I was her. After that happened, I calmly told her what I was going to do. My plan was to go to the man's house, wait patiently until he wasn't home while his wife was. (Oh, by the way, he's married with two kids also) Then I would knock on the door, sit down on her couch, and tell her every dirty little detail. The minute I set foot out the door, she called 911. She told them that I said I was on my way to his house to kill him, and that I took a box cutter with me. She knew that there was already a box cutter in the car.

Needless to say, I was arrested, humiliated, interrogated for five hours, and luckily released. Obviously, there was no evidence and I was told that I had only been detained, not arrested, no charges had been filed, and that I was free to go. I walked back to my house, to find my wife on the phone with ... guess who!

So, the story hasn't started yet. All this happened just a couple days before Christmas. Since then, she has been systematically destroying my life. She has had these boyfreinds stalking me around town.  She has called all my family and friends, and tried her best to convince them that she was some kind of victim. I couldn't take it any more. On new years day, I packed up the kids and drove to my parent's house in San Diego.  Her parents also live here, about 15 minutes away. She agreed with me that it would be the best plan for me to take the babies with me because she works 12 hour days, and childcare is very hard to find in that small town. Also, I would be so close to both sets of grandparents, they would never have to spend a day in child care. She has five days off in a row every two weeks, so she could easily fly down on those days, pick up the babies, stay with her parents, and return to work at the end of her week.


I promise, you are getting the abreviated version here, but I still haven't got to the real problem yet. Please bear with me.

Since then, she has had the police department up there call me and inform me that I was not to harass her at work anymore. THIS NEVER HAPPENED. In fact, I couldn't stand to call her work, because she had told them all kinds of crazy lies about me. I hadn't called there for weeks because frankly, it was embarassing.  A couple days after I got down here, our son became ill. I called her at work to tell her, and she refused to talk to me. No problem. A short time later, I called back to leave a message that she doesn't need to call, because everything is under control. I never so much as spoke harshly to the person I spoke with. In fact, HE cussed ME and hung up the phone. A few minutes later, I get the call from the police.

But wait, there's more... She has been consistently attempting to get me to do something stupid... to turn things in her favor. She had one of her boyfriends call me on my cell phone FROM MY BED!!! - WATCHING MY MOVIES!!!!

So, she came down the weekend of January 9th for her first visit. Everything was going great. We were talking, getting along, no problems. Except that she had one more plot to ultimately destroy the only thing she hadn't been able to take from me so far... and you're not going to believe this!

So while she's here, we decide that we need to sit down together and be civil for the sake of the babies. We agreed to calmly discuss the horrendous issue of custody. I tried my best to convince her to go with me to a public place to do this. This would help us to keep emotions in check so we could hopefully make real progress. I went to her mother's house Sunday afternoon to pick her up. Her mother was in the room as I tried to convince her to go to the mall, a restaraunt, or even just the beach. She even said in the presence of her mother that she wanted to go to the mall today because they were having a sale today only. After all this, she became adament that we just go for a walk - in private.

Against my better judgement, I followed her out of the house and into the avocado groves growing behind her mother's house. We hadn't walked very far before we stopped, sat down, and started talking. It went surprisingly well - too well. I became a little suspicious when she easily agreed to an arrangement that clearly favored me. We shook hands, and sat in silence for about a minute.

Okay, here's where it gets interesting. She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. Surprised, I pulled away and asked "What was that for?" She said, "Shut up and just love me. Then she started kissing my neck. I pulled away again and said "No, we shouldn't do this." She reached into my pants and grabbed a hold of my penis. I kept pushing her away and saying no, and she just kept doing it. Then she put her face in my crotch and started giving me oral sex. I pushed her head away, at least five times and she just kept going for it. Finally, I consented. Yes, I see you shaking your head and calling me an idiot.

But wait! It get's better!! Now she pulls a set of handcuffs out of her pocket. Nothing unusual about that to me. That is almost the only way she likes to have sex ever since she got that job. She handed them to me, and now I'm getting into it. I fall for it hook, line, and sinker. I took them and put them on her, just like I have done hundreds of times in the past. She went back down, and started again with the oral. Then she slid up and pressed my penis between her breasts, and did it that way for a while. She kept going, and tried to line her vagina up with my penis.. I pushed her hips back with my hands and said no. She continued this several times. As I reached ejaculation, she pressed her face against the head of my penis, and smeared it all over her face, eyes, hair, neck... everywhere. This was a shock to me, because we have had oral sex very often in the past and she has never done anything like this before.

So we finished, straightened our clothes, she fixed her hair, and I took the handcuff key out of her pocket and released her. We brushed the weeds off each others clothes and walked back to the house in strange silence. On the way, she dropped the handcuffs into my pants pocket. As she opened the door, she glanced back at me and her face was completely composed. As she opened the door, it was like a light switch. She burst into tears and screamed mommy call the police, he just raped me!!

I'm sure you can imagine the chaos that ensued. Her father and 250 pound cousin fortunately never touched me, but made it abundantly clear that they intended to. I am 6'1" 160 pounds. - No Contest. I grabbed the phone and dialed 911. The operator answered and I screamed we need help at 1292... that's when her father grabbed the phone from me. In fear for my life, I jumped in the car and drove off. There's only one road in and out of their neighborhood, and it's a couple miles long. The sherriff's deputy was coming towards me. I was rolling down my window to wave him down, when he blocked my path, and stopped me. It's now about 6:00 pm.

I was finally released at 2:00am in the morning. Once again, no arrest, and no charges filed.  Even the cops knew she was full of shit.  The whole time I was there, everyone was exceedingly cordial to me. They kept telling me relax, they'll issue me a restraining order so I can't bother her, and then I'll be released. Perfect! My only goal in life at that moment was to keep as many miles as possible between us.... forever. I'm sure you can imagine my dismay and outrage, when the detective dropped the paper on the table, and my two babies are listed as victims! I overheard the conversation between him and the judge and am almost positive that he never mentioned their names to him.

So she has taken my babies away from me and hidden them in Susanville. It's over for me. I am a broken man.

I don't know what do do or where to start.  I have so many court documents, and am completely overwhelmed.  I was finally served with the temporary restraining order, and the court date is on 2/17/04 in Susanville.

I know that she came down here with this whole thing planned out. Her primary goal was to hurt me, but she also needed to switch the loyalty of everyone around her.  Up until this point, even her parents were on my side because I was the wronged party.  Now, suddenly, she is the victim and I am a monster.

To make matters worse, she is a corrections officer at the county jail in in a two mile long town, so she has many close aquaintences in law enforcement there, including police, sherriff deputies, lawyers, judges, and even the district attorney.

I'm not in the least bit concerned with the rape allegation. It is completely, obviously bogus. I have retained a criminal lawyer to defend me, and he says that I shouldn't worry about charges being filed. All I care about are my children. She has already kept them from me for 16 days and I am not allowed near them for almost another month. She has been leaving them in the care of these strange boyfreinds of hers while she is at work 12 hours a day. I am honestly concerned for their immediate safety.

I served my country proudly and faithfully during desert storm.  I have defended my country's system to everyone who has spoken against it in my presence.  At this moment, I am biting holes in my tongue to prevent myself from renouncing this same system.  They tell me that a man is innocent until until proven guily.  That's bullshit.  What about the real innocent ones here?  What about my babies?

My babies are my life. I was a stay at home dad for most of my two year old daughter's life and 100% of my 10 month old son's.

I am the victim here. Everything I have said is true. I have done nothing wrong from day one. I don't know what I did to make her hate me so bad. I can't imagine ANYONE hating another human this much.

[Peanutsdad]

I too am a vet,, decorated with over 10 years active duty time.

I am so sorry you are discovering that the system you defended so proudly,, is a lie. That Sir, is the truth. What you defend is the same system we call the meatgrinder. It takes perfectly normal people, it first grinds up all the resources they have, it eats away at the spirit, it breaks you down emotionally, mentally and physically. When its done doing all that, the system then assigns one parent to be an indentured slave, to be humiliated, denigrated in public awareness and in the press. Your years of service and sacrifice, mean nothing to the system. You will more than likely experience just what so many other parents here have,, the constant and continual false allegations, and expenses associated with it.

Someone,, throw up the links he's gonna need please?

Now, you have gotten a taste of the system, you have now dabbled your toes in the shallow end of the family court pool. Take a deep breath friend, and plunge in :)

[lah101]

I am so sorry for your situation.


Here are a few links to help you get started.  Hope they help



[A HREF=http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/articles.htm" target="new]The Articles Page[/A] This link has lots of info

[A HREF=http://www.deltabravo.net/news/10-19-2000.htm" target="new]Tips For Getting Started[/A]

[A HREF=http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tips.htm" target="new]Success Factors In Obtaining Custody[/A]


[A HREF=http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/falseacc1.htm" target="new]Suggestions When Falsely Accused[/A]

[em][font color=660066]"Talk is cheap. But if it keeps your stomach full and your grave empty, it's worth more than gold!"[/em]

[Kitty C.]

I am a fellow EMT and my heart is breaking for your babies right now!  And for a little insight, I lived for 10 years in CA and once came VERY close to getting hired in Tuolumne Co. (Sonora) with county corrections.  I withdrew my app. when I realized I wasn't going to pass their physical.  I know where Susanville is and know what kind of atmosphere you're talking about.

You've come to the right place.  There are many others here who have walked the trail you're on and can give you TONS of advice.  But there is one thing I can tell you right now.  As much as you hate yourself for being suckered into her scheme, you have to put it out of your mind and stop beating yourself up over it.  You have a MUCH bigger fight ahead of you.  Let your criminal atty. take care of the charges, but HOLD YOUR HEAD UP!

SHE was the one who took advantage of YOU.  SHE is the one at fault.  And as inhuman as her actions were, I can promise you that she has not one ounce of guilt about it.  But YOU have your integrity to back yourself up.  Lean on your family and friends, that's what they are there for.  Keep your focus on your babies, as YOU are the only one who has their best interests at heart right now.  But stand tall and proud.  She is counting on you to fold, to beat yourself up over this....DO NOT let her suck you down to her level!

And remember above all else........living well is THE best revenge.  May God bless you and your babies and good luck.  Please come back here often and let us know how things are going, okay?

[combokid]

OK, two appropriate quotes here,

1. Love IS blind.
You hooked up with quite a vindictive, perhaps psychotic gal. I am sure there were telltale warning signs in your early courtship, but you could not, or would not, see her in a true light. You are human. This is understandable and the same thing happened to me- I married a woman that has revealed herself to be one of the coldest, most unreasonable people I have ever known. She, too, attempted truly despicable acts, like bogus restraining orders, false child abuse charges, etc... If this gives you any hope, all her antics ultimately failed. But she failed only because I rose to the occasion and educated myself as to exactly what kind of battle I was entering. Make no mistake, you are at a disadvantage being the man/father. You MUST educate yourself across the board- financially, custodially, etc..learn your rights! Study, learn the case law in your state! Honestly, it took me almost two years to truly pull all my knowledge together and reach the point of holding my position with regard to my custodial rights. Also, don't think just because you have a lawyer that you don't have to do any work. On the contrary, you need to know exactly what he/she intends to do regarding your criminal complaint, your parenting schedule, the restraining order, etc...

2. Wake up and smell it!
Like it or not, you're in a tough, crappy spot and it ain't gonna get better for a while. I, too, separated when my kids were very small. My daughter was only 3 months old when I was forcibly removed from my house due to a false abuse charge. I endured a 2 month invesatigation by child protective services finally concluding with an unfouded determination. I was forced to move back to my mom's house after having moved out twenty years ago! That was my wake-up call. Hopefully, this is yours. My advice: do not speak to her ever again, communicate about the kids only, re-read your written coerrespondence a dozen times before sending it out, fight like hell for at least 50-50 joint custody.

By the way, your ex soundlike she has a questionable past, you may have an opportunity to pursue full custody of your kids. Look into that.

[homewrecked]

Thank you sir, for your support.  I love my country.  My father and uncle are both viet nam vets.  My little brother is currently serving in Korea, and I have never been more proud of him.

Unfortunately, I'm afraid that this system in which you and I have vested so much of our lives has not only failed me, but the only two completely innocent victims in this whole fiasco  -  My children.

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers, and you will be in mine.

[homewrecked]

I am encouraged by the responses I have received this far.  These links you have provided look like they will prove invaluable in the near future.  I have browsed through them and there is a ton of useful information for me.

I don't know how I can ever thank you enough for your support.

Know this.... failure is not an option.  The help you have provided will be instrumental in the rescue of two innocent children.

[MYSONSDAD]

After reading your story, it is like looking at my past experiences.

My ex tried to do the same thing. I did not cave. Her family and many of our friends could see what she was doing behind my back. They couldn't stand her. She was the black sheep of her family. After she left, it all turned around and now they feel she is Wonder woman. They have know her all her life, they know her lies, and now they defend her.

Watch your back, she probably has people following you. Document until you can't hold the pen anymore. Keep a camera on you at all times. I keep a throw away in my car. Get a hand held recorder and be ready when she makes contact. Check the laws for recording calls. Start going thru any paper work you can find. Old phone records, bank records. Start a paper trail. Also document the time when the children were in your care. Doctors reports, things of that nature.

Any chance of finding out who is with your kids when she is at work? Check their backgrounds. Any friend willing to check things out for you? Some one you can trust with your life?

You are in for a rough ride. You have your heart and mind in the right place, your kids. Stay strong for them. Things look bad now, but a person like that will mess up sooner or later. Give her enough rope and she will hang herself.

Sounds like someone is coaching her on what to do. You keep your head high and ALWAYS take the high road.

There is a ton of information on this site and people here, really care. Come back often, even if you just need to vent.

Good luck and God Bless you and your children

[StPaulieGirl]

Just damn.

Your stbx wife and my ex husband sound like they were separated at birth.  From the instant messages(second oldest daughter got fed up with his mind games, and hacked his ICQ), to being confronted about his wrong doing, then punishing me because he screwed up, to trying to set me up repeatedly over the years, these two are exactly the same!  I feel so bad for you, and your kids :-(

Your kids don't belong anywhere around her.  Unfortunately with no fault divorce, her behavior might not cut too much ice with a judge.  Find an attorney who eats raw meat for breakfast.  Can't she get fired for behavior like that?  I mean she is carrying a badge isn't she?  Don't they have rules about things like that?  Maybe charges can be filed against her for filing false police reports.  I know she's got connections, but if you shine a bright enough light on crooked people, they go scurrying back under the baseboards.  Ask your attorney if it's worth pursuing.

One thing many of us learned the hard way, is when dealing with a psycho, NEVER let them know what you're going to do.  Just do it.  I told my ex that our marriage was over in '96 and he proceeded to make our lives a living hell for 7 years.  He has told some of the most humiliating, outrageous lies about me.  Hindsight is 20/20.  

Your goal is to get your kids back with full custody.  Besides a vicious lawyer, have him hire a PI to pick through your wife's backround with a fine tooth comb.  Ruin her chances of going to the police academy, because the last thing anyone needs is a pyscho bitch with a badge and a gun!

The articles here are very helpful, and lots of people here have been where you are right now, so keep coming back.

[homewrecked]

I hate myself for falling for the lies that she loved me.  I hate myself for sharing with her the sacred experience of having children.  I hate myself for ever meeting this horrible woman.

You're words are graciously accepted, but i'm so scared that I have failed my kids.  They are in danger and There's nothing I can do.  I'm their daddy....  I have to protect them....  that's MY JOB!  That's my sole reason for living.  If I can't succeed at just that one thing nothing else matters.

In this light, I ask you, how do you expect me to "hold my head up?"  Please don't take this as sarcasm.  Maybe I just need to vent a little.  I am truly grateful for your kind words and support.

And yes, I promise to keep you all updated as events unfold.