Custody battle, part 2

[STV]

I have been separated since March of 2003, divorced since February of 2003. After a lot of fighting I have 6 consecutive days every other week. My exw is getting married and wants to move 20 miles away, enroll my twin 11 year old daughters in a new school and change custody to every other weekend every Wednesday. I live in Michigan close to the border of Indiana. She wants to move to Indiana.

Though the advice of my attorney we are letting her move to Indiana. He says we are so close to the border she would get it anyway. Custody and the school system are my issues. She has ordered up psyc evals on everyone, me, her, her husband, my gf and my gf son. The last time we had evaluations it was inconclusive, we both passed. I am not worried about it.

I wouldn't think that the Michigan court system would find it in the best interests of my children to leave a school system that they are doing very well in to change to one of the largest schools in Indiana. I also do not see a judge finding it in my girls best interest to limit the time with me to every other weekend and every Wednesday.  I kept the marital home just so my kids could stay in the house they grew up in since 1995. I go on field trips just be with them. I coach softball, basketball and hockey to be with them. I'm the vice president of the softball league they play just to make things better for them. I take them to church, the doctor, the dentist, teach them how to cook, garden, ride motocross bikes, snowmobiles, camp, build a fire, hammer a nail, do laundry and you name I'm probably am involved with my kids.

Does anyone see this as I do?

Thanks and peace.

[tjraid18]

   I definitely do. Your lucky your able to do so much with your kids - thats awesome. Sounds like your giving non - custodial dads a good name with all your effort. But you know as well as I do that the courts don't really see it like we do. Sounds like your lawyer is looking at the
relocation situation through the courts eyes. If the ex says in court they will be better off where their moving too and it's not unreasonably far from dad, then your lawyer probably has a good point. But if you think your kids will not be better off and can show the court  why thats so, then you should try to convince your lawyer, or maybe get another opinion.Try convincing your lawyer first. Sounds like you have an O.K. one at least - it would be nice to keep him. It's really good to hear your getting so much positive interaction with the kids. Making a difference in their lives. Hopefully you'll be able to keep up the good work!!!

[Sunshine1]

HEL-LOOOOO!!

For cryin out loud, of course this would be detrimental for you and the children to go from 6 days a week to 2 days EOW.  If you don't want them to go... fight it!!  Not to mention it is a different state.  If you allow a re-location now, then she can move anywhere she wants to later to get father away from you.

You don't need to convince your lawyer, YOU tell your lawyer what YOU want to do, he doesn't tell you.  He is employed by you!!

You are a VERY involved parent, so it sounds. Iwould make every possible effort to restrain this move or your time is going to be severely limited.  Out of state too...not a good move to allow.

Just my 2 cents...hope you can work it out.  :)

[STV]

The biggest thing I've learned from my attorney is that you never make unreasonable requests. For example if you want 100 bucks don't ask for 3 million and work down to 100. He says ask for 100. So, in my case don't ask for full custody if we want 50/50. Originally she asked for sole custody and I wanted equal time. Just minutes before court the judge talked to both attorney's and told them she wants sole he wants equal. Come up with something in between. We went with one day less a week for me.

Right now the burden of proof that this move will be better for my girls is on her. The thing I can not prove is this is mostly because she doesn't want me to have my kids. Her parents have told people that they will spend every dime they have to keep me in court. Basically I'm running out of money for this little escapade. Every time we have gone to court she has lost. When will the court see the burden she is putting on me? I'm in for a long summer in and out if court.

Peace

[Kitty C.]

Sorry, but I disagree with your atty.  IMO, divorce is no different than a business negotiation, just with a LOT of emotion thrown in.  And in a business negotiation you ALWAYS ask for more than what you would settle for.  The two parties start at either ends of the spectrum and meet somewhere in the middle.  If you START at 50/50, you may very well have to settle for something a LOT less than what you want.  Asking for full custody is NOT unreasonable, especially if that's the same thing she's asking for.

Never agree to anything less than what you want.  And initially asking for exactly what you want is a sure way to make that happen.

[STV]

I will update this as it unfolds.

Thanks for everyones support.

Peace

[deb09]

I agree with Kitty.  Our judge told us in court that she would take both of our offers and counter offers and split it in the middle.  I was in your situation, I had asked for exactly what I wanted and my stbx had asked for the moon.  I am glad that the judge was too impatient to hear the offers that day, because after court I immediately told my lawyer to change my position so that when the judge split the decision it would be closer to a middle position where I wanted to be rather than a middle position closer to the moon.

You should counter offer your ex with - how about we give you every other weekend and every Wednesday.  After all you are in the family home in the school system where your girls have been all along.  You are negotiating from a position of strength and you don't even realize it.  Stick this one out and say it is not in the girls best interest to switch their schools and uproot them.  

Make the ex give you 50% time and have her commute the girls to their familiar school.  A 50/50 time share would retain their eligibility in your school district.

Deb