Please read and respond...Concerned dad

[tinman3065]

I appreciate all replies in advance, as I am trying to get all the advice I can.

THE FACTS:

-I am a father to a 10 yr old boy in Ohio
-We were never married...custody established at six months
-Sole custody to mom
-Small amount of child support
-Court-ordered standard visitation
-Mom has a second child (8 yr old boy) by another man who is not involved in the kid's life (her on and off boyfriend of 6 yrs. is called dad)
-I have a felony conviction from nine years ago (burglary/assault), have two college degrees, and have worked full time for the past 15 years.
- I live with my girlfriend of six years (2 ½ years living together). She has recently been awarded full custody of her two children after having joint custody since divorce.

THE ISSUES:

-The mom has been moving in and out of home with boyfriend (more than 15 times in 6 years), between her mom, and her aunt.
-Mom not involved with school, sports (baseball, football, basketball), doctors (doc, eye, dental) visits.
-I do all driving (with exception to 2 times) in past 10 years.
-Mom just recently came to my house (1st time in over 5 years she even knew physically where I lived).
-I constantly pick up/ drop off at different locations (aunt, mom, boyfriend, friend, friend of friend, etc.
-Mom has constantly broken promises with kids (I'll be at your game, I'll buy your school yearbook, I'll sign you up for sports, I'll etc.)
-He misses school when mom can't get up from partying the night before.
-Mom is a pothead and an alcohol user (possible alcoholic)
-Visitation has increased from every other weekend; to every weekend; then from Friday at school to Monday at school. I also have him during the week on several occasions (Fights between mom and boyfriend, rock concert during the week, staying at someone else's house, etc.)
-I even tried to help mom by increasing child support, but mom never filled out the paperwork!
-I pay for everything.
-Mom has never worked full-time (one to two days a week) and quit her job in February.

I saw an attorney last March. He advised me to keep documenting everything, but I won't have a good chance until I am able to prove how all this negatively affects the child. He gets good grades, doesn't miss enough school to be considered truant, and gets along with teachers, classmates. Their home is messy and untidy, but not nasty.

SINCE MY CONSULTATION WITH MY ATTORNEY:

-My visitation first increased from Thursday after school until Monday morning at school in March 2003.
-Mom has had same moving in and out problems.
-Mom had me pick him up at a house across the street from a bar where she was completely wasted in the bar, on a Tuesday, thinking that it was my day to have him with marijuana smell in the house (My son had never been to that house before and mom's cousin had just moved in, only a couch, an empty TV stand, and mom's cousin in the house.
-Absolutely no improvements.
-SINCE DECEMBER HE STARTED STAYING WITH ME MORE (68-90% OF THE TIME).
-In February mom verbally agreed to give me temporary custody until mom 'became stable'. (Tape recorded)
-Mom had been seeing him one night on weekends (average), and calls him once (average) during the weeks with calls lasting one to two minutes.
-Mom left town for over a week unannounced and no contact with us (or school for her other child).
-Mom had been saying she will be stable in about a month (four months now)
-My son is well aware that his mom is having problems (both living arrangements and with drinking daily)
-I have my son going to a counseling group in school weekly (mom thinks that it is bulls@$t).
-Every time I talk to mom about court/custody she tells me that she will take him back immediately.
-I have over 100 pages of documentation as well as support from respected parents, schoolteachers, doctors, my girlfriend, friends, old roommates, etc.
-Mom's other boy has a long history of emotional issues, medications, trouble with school, misses considerably more school than mine (coincidently when my son is with me).

All this being said and done, do I have any better chances now with him actually living with me or is it too soon?

I know my ex as well as anyone and I am quite sure that she will not be able to handle the pressure of a custody court hearing.

Just last week, mom argued with me for almost an hour about her becoming more stable and that he needs to come home to his mother in about a month. I told her that the day she takes him back is the same day I file for custody. She called the next day and said she was going to let him stay with me for the summer and that she was canceling the child support order (she was going to fill out paperwork terminating the order because he lives with me and send it to the courts). I expressed my concerns about getting his school switched to where I live (2 towns over) and she said that she would let our son decide at that point. Mom also said that she hopes to be stable by the end of the summer and will have him back for school. It is always in the moment for mom and I can't handle these last minute changes.

I have an appointment with my attorney June 7th. Please respond!

[nosonew]

One of the main things I see on here is that judges like the "status quo", thus, the longer he lives with you, the better.  I would try a minimum of 6 months.  That should show where his "main residence" is, etc.  Im sure others will have other info to share!  Good LUck!

[Peanutsdad]

tinman,


You are doing all the right things. One thing I would have done the day I smelled pot in th same house is have the boy tested for drugs. Frequently, in a home where pot is used, a child will test positive. THAT would have granted immediate grounds for custody reversal.


In absense of that, and in absense of official court admissible records,, ie ; police reports, hospital reports, cps reports, ect....

Your case becomes a quagmire of he said/she said. Thus,, its a crap shoot.

PERSONALLY,, I think you  have a good case of proving lack of stability, and IF enough people NOT related to you get on the stand to testify to moms behavior,, you stand a good chance.