Question???? Please help

[futurestep-mom_AZ]

Well I don't know how to make this a short story but I will try. I am the fiance of the father in the case. Through fighting he has an order that gives him 0 legal custody but week on week off physical custody. Mom lives four hours away, moved after divorce that's how he got the visitation. Mom has an older child not this father. Mom is on complete state aid and has not worked (maybe sporadic employment) since 8 months before the divorce in Feb. 2002. Mom is going to school, has obtained at least three, if not more at this point, certifications in different fields then goes back to do something different.
     Dad is not perfect, not claiming he is. Dad had trouble getting the child support modified, for visitation and had a judgement all paid in full now dad was injured on the job and out of work for a year now works full time and doing well. Dad and I have known each other all our lives are engaged, only waiting because I promised my parents I would finish law school.
     Well with background set. Recently mom has had trouble with a live in boyfriend (at least the third live in since the break-up) Domestic abuse charges have been filed against live in, live in filed for OP and received it mom filed back for a OP and received it mom currently being prosecuted for CR. Damage. Mom admitted live in (no longer living there to our knowledge) had a drug problem. Mom recently has had a lot of behavior changes. Dropping the child off dirty, always late to pick up drop off, lost about 30 ILBs (from 125 to about 95), erratic behavior (yelling one second calm the next) friend of both mom and dad from moms town informed dad they think mom is on drugs.
     Dad wants sole custody, mom is threatening that if dad doesn't take her other child as his own she will be difficult (she already is) she will not allow us to send anything to dads child unless we send for her child.
     Dad did act as dad for her child during the marriage and fought for rights to visitation. mom held her child from dad for 6 months before he received court order visitation. 2 years ago august her child was returned to her because at six he stood in the room and stated it was not his dad and if he gets spanked he will tell mom she will call cps and dad will never see his child again. She has brought up her child maybe twice in 2 years but made sure dad knew that her child called her boyfriend at the time dad now.
    We have 1 year until the common child starts school and visitation would have to change due to four hours away. Dad and I are wondering if he should strike while the "iron is hot" and file now for sole and agree to leave visitation as it is until school starts. Does he even have a case? If it would help we would go to the justice of the peace and be married today and then have our ceremony as planned. My parents may be a little upset but they would understand. Please help he has gotten as far as he can and this filing could change everything

[hagatha]

First, how old are the children? And how long has it been since the older child has visited with you?

I would think your best course of action would be to get her demands in writing. Write her a letter asking her to give you a written document of her demands. Then after you recieve it, tell her you are not opposed to keeping the older child, BUT you would need something from her (which you have already printed up for her convenience) and she would have to have it signed and noterized. Explain that should anything happen and her child need medical attention you have to have something to present to a Dr to have him treated and in an a emergency would not have time to wait for her to arrive. (when writing the agreement include language that your child is only allowed to visit if/when his older sibling is with him)

As hard as it might be for you, take her child for about a month. During this time cultivate contacts in her town that can (and will) testify as to her activities while the children are with her and you.  Once you get some proof that there is a drug problem, and her behavior points in that direction, then hire a PI to testify for you. The court will be more inclined to listen.

Then file a petition for BOTH children. This way you are saying she is so unstable neither child should be in her care and you are willing to assume the responsibility for both. Thus showing the court your compassion for a child you are not responsible for. Given the normal stance of the court system in their belief that siblings should not be seperated, you are asking they remain together if at all possible.
The chances of getting custody of her child are slim, but in asking you are giving him a chance.

I would not petition for a change and continue the same custody agreement. You are asking the court in your petition to find the mother is unfit to parent these children.  You should be asking for therapy for all, drug testing for her and supervised until such time she can prove she is fit to parent.

The Witch
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Remember . . . KARMA is a Wonderful Thing!!!!!

[futurestep-mom_AZ]

Hey thanks!

His daughter is 4 1/2 her son will be 9 in August. We've seen the boy twice since his 7th birthday. That was only at pick-up/drop-off. The boy makes sure to say my fiances' name not Dad.

But you came up with a great theory, thanks so much!