Drug-Addict Mother w/Custody

[Crusaader]

I have been battling in court for a year now for custody of my 5-year old daughter in FL (I live out of state and have for 2 years). It started with her maternal grandparents filing for temporary custody because the mother left her with them and was hiding from bad check charges. A judge issued an ex parte order for temporary custody based on an emergency situation. The gparents falsely stated in their petition that they could not find me and had no idea where I was and that I have not paid my child support and I have never seen my daughter. I of course contested the order and the matter was set for trial. I then filed my own petition for custody against the mother and the gparents. I had monthly contact with my daughter through the mother since birth, have ALWAYS paid my child support AND supplied anything else the mother said they needed. I never filed for custody against the mother because I mistakenly believed that as long as a child is not being abused, abandoned, or neglected, a father has no leg to stand on against a fit mother.

Throughout the pendancy of the gparents petition the mother graduated from writing bad checks to petty theft and was arrested in February of this year for possession of cocaine. The arrest report states that 6 bags of cocaine and 3 straws were found in the gparents house where my daughter resides, both in the bathroom she uses and on the headboard of the bed she shared with her mother. The mother spent 69 days in jail and was sentenced to 2 years felony drug offender probation. After she got out of jail, she then moved into her boyfriend's (still married to his 3rd wife, been married less than a year, my daughter's mother witnessed the marriage!) home that could pass for the county landfill and proceeded to keep our daughter there for weekend visitations, approved by her parents, the "temporary" custodians. Throughout all this my daughter continued to live with the gparents. I had to take them to court and have a judge order telephone contact and visitation because they refuse to acknowledge me as the father. They also verbally bash me in front of my daughter, and she (being only 5) repeats what they say word for word.

The mother tested positive for cocaine one month into her probation, failed to show up for community service, failed to register with the sheriff's dept., and failed to appear for her drug treatment program. All of this resulted in her violating her probation. She was subsequently re-arrested and spent 22 days in jail. Her parents hired a defense atty, and she ditched her public defender. She was released the day before the trial on the gparents petition, just in time for her to appear (even though she never appeared at any of the other hearings, on either petition) in court. At the start of the trial, the gparents atty announced that they were withdrawing their petition. The judge asked the mother if she was able to adequately care for our daughter and she said yes. The judge REFUSED to hear anything my atty had to say about the mother's criminal activity and simply said this case is closed and the mother can pick up the child that afternoon. It was also announced that the gparents atty would be representing the mother from here on out and that the mother was engaged to be married to her boyfriend (who STILL hasn't filed for divorce from his 3rd wife).

I assumed she would take our daughter to live in the hovel she shared with her boyfriend and filed for emergency temporary custody based on child endangerment. We had photos of the home, photos of the gparents own dilapidated home, and copies of her arrest report and violation report. We were ready. The judge denied our motion, the mother's atty stated that she moved back in with her parents immediately after getting out of jail and our daughter never left the gparents home. They had the "stability" factor in their favor. They submitted a drug test (taken one day after she got out of jail) that showed she was clean and the mother stated that she was stable now and her life was straight. How does one get over a cocaine addiction in 22 days? Is there a magic pill you take that suddenly makes you a fit parent?

Sorry this is so long, but I am frustrated at this system that would allow a child to be hurt before they do anything. Prevention makes more sense! I feel this entire effort is orchestrated by the gparents who only want to do what they have no right to do, raise their granddaughter because they did such a piss-poor job of raising their own kids. I am married, have custody of my son and have been in the same career for 8 years. My next step is to get ready for yet another trial, hire a private investigator to find out exactly WHERE my daughter and her mother is living and whether or not she is being adequately cared for and all the while I am told that unless the mother messes up again, the best I can hope for is some sort of joint custody with visitation. I will have to go back to court to re-establish visitation and telephone contact (the mother is refusing me access as well, and to date has provided no reason for her refusal).

If the mother straightens out then I am all for our daughter having both parents in her life, she should have that. But I think that the mother should have to PROVE that she has been stable for a specified period of time before being allowed the responsibility of raising a child. Are there any pointers anyone can give me that will help me and my daughter get through this?

[Peanutsdad]

That court has already decided,, a druggie mom is better than sending the kid with Dad....go figure.


You ARE however taking the appropriate steps,, hire the PI, get the real story and THEN see if you need to intervene.


Tips For Getting Started
http://www.deltabravo.net/news/10-19-2000.htm

How To Hire An Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/hiring.htm

Hiring An Effective Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/effective.htm

Success Factors In Obtaining Custody
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tips.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/missed-visit.htm

Suggestions When Falsely Accused
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/falseacc1.htm

Dealing With Threats Of False Allegations
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/blackmail.htm


http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pplan3.htm


One of the first things you'll hear around here is "Document, document, document!". Having good records is *crucial*. Get yourself either the Parenting Time Tracker (PTT) at: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tracker.htm or the OPTIMAL Custody Tracking service at: http://www.parentingtime.net. The PTT is good, but the OPTIMAL service is definitely better.

[Crusaader]

Thanks for your response. I have kept receipts of everything since this started, thanks to my wife's quck wit and organizational ability. We have also been taping conversations and have photgraphs and details of everything. The only thing I don't have is a parenting time tracker so I will definitely look into that. It sounds like that will help a great deal.

[tulip]

I don't have much advice for you, it sounds like you are already taking the right steps. I just want to say I think that's a really sad story, and I hope you win. My dh and I have been fighting with a drug addict for a long time, and he just got custody. He had a really fair and objective judge, which it sounds like you don't have going for you.

I hope you have the resources (financial, I mean) because it's going to cost you A LOT of $$. Hire the best atty, PI, and don't give up. Travel to Florida as much as you can to try and see your daughter. I couldn't tell from your post if you are having visitation or phone contact. It's going to be important that you are VERY involved in her life, or prove that they are unreasonably not letting you be involved.

[KIASTAR]

I am a CP and NCP. I am also a recovering heroin addict. Please tread VERY carefully in this matter. I have been sober,TOTALLY,with proof of every month,for 10 1/2 years. So I have seen the horrible side of the drug addicted parent. I do have custody of our 10 year old daughter and her dad still drinks and does drugs. He is just unstable,but our daughter does NOT know about any of that.

When we went to court for custody(he instigated it) he had dirty UA's and was moving around a lot! The court seems to dislike the unstable parent the most. He had tried to lie about me and say I was "crazy"(I have panic attacks which are under control) and just made an a** of himself. BE CAREFUL. Don't come off as a vindictive ex! It did him more harm then good.

I would sugguest that you find a "friend" of hers willing to talk about her activities. I have a GF who was stilll duing drugs and was in a custody battle w/ her EX. Her son is my daughters best friend. She was shooting up around him and selling his play station and toys for drug money.She was also prostituting.I called the cops to come and pick up the needles and meth pipe I found w/ her stuff(I let her stay w/ me for a couple of day until her apartment was ready.I thought at the time she was sober)

I ended up calling the GAL and socils services and my friend who I had called when I found the drug stuff also told the GAL and SS what happened. The dad got custody the next day and he is now(after a year of being w/ his dad) doing somewhat better from the abuse he indured.

Get the child away as soon as you can. Find whomever you need,do what you must but do it NOW> Not trying to scare you but drugs put the child in significant danger. I REALLY hope you get custody of your child. She sounds like she has some mental illness issues also.
    Best of luck to you,
                       Kia
PS-- on the //www.custodyreform.com site, there are about 3 people that are fighting for custody and one of them knows A LOT about the laws there. Maybe something to check into.