New & need advice

[FamilyTies]

Please forgive me if this is too long.  My husband and I have been together for going on 7 years.  He has 3 children from a previous relationship.  She is not a bad mother, however she does not have their best interest at heart.  She lives with her mom and dad AGAIN.  She has lived with them going on 4 years.  She is making no attempt to get her own place and the last time she enrolled the kids into the school district where they lived without even consulting us. ( This is against the divorce decree as both are supposed to agree )  They have joint custody it is a 50/50 split.  My hubby has them Every Mon & Tue. and she has them every Wed. & Thur. and they alternate weekends.  She does not help with school work.  She rarely pays lunches on time, she hardly ever bathes the kids, never cuts their nails.  We all agreed to move to the same city so that we could be closer together for the kids' sake.  When she dropped the bomb on us about moving this summer, we busted our butts to get there so they could be enrolled in the schools down there and now she is somewhat changing her mind about what she wants to do?  She has had the kids kicked out of two different daycares for lack of payment..she owes both of them a combined amount of about $6000.00.  Half of the time on her weekends she doesnt even spend time with the kids and they have to be with their grandparents...before I keep rambling..does anyone know of any where we should start?  My hubby is ready to start proceedings to get the kids full time?  HELP PLEASE...thank you so much!

[Peanutsdad]

Ok, this case is gonna be tough.


By your own admission, shes not a BAD mother,, she just isnt the most responsible financially.

You can bet on that IF you guys file,, she and the grandparents are GOING to circle the wagons.

In cases of borderline neglect, unless a child is harmed or cps has been called AND found a complaint to be valid,, you are damn near spitting in the wind.

Be ready to lay down anywhere from 5k-20k as a  starting number for the 1st year of fighting in family court.

As far as admissible evidence to support your claim: police reports, cps reports, MD statements of neglect, records and testimony of counselors.

Testimony that will NOT support your claim, undocumented testimony,, ie.. tesimony not backed up by admissible documentation.

If this is a case of "he said/she said", its very unlikely that the courts will change anything.

Heres a little light reading to get you started.




Tips For Getting Started
http://www.deltabravo.net/news/10-19-2000.htm

How To Hire An Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/hiring.htm

Hiring An Effective Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/effective.htm

Success Factors In Obtaining Custody
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tips.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/missed-visit.htm

Suggestions When Falsely Accused
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/falseacc1.htm

Dealing With Threats Of False Allegations
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/blackmail.htm

URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/guide.htm


http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pplan3.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-vassiliou.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-gardner06.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-navarre.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-gardner01.htm

THE SPECTRUM OF PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME (PART I)
Parental Alienation Syndrome is a distinctive family response to divorce in which the child becomes aligned with one parent and preoccupied with unjustified and/or exaggerated denigration of the other target parent.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/rand01.htm - size 40kb - 20 Oct 2003
12. Mediation And Parental Alienation Syndrome by Anita Vestal
This article looks at parental alienation syndrome (PAS), which is a complex manifestation of mental and emotional abuse resulting from conflicted parents fighting for custody.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-vestal.htm - size 52kb - 20 Oct 2003
13. Recommendations for Dealing with Parents Who Induce a Parental Alienation Syndrome in Their Children
PAS is commonly seen in highly contested child-custody disputes. The author has described three types: mild, moderate, and severe, each of which requires special approaches by both legal and mental health professionals.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-gardner02.htm - size 54kb - 20 Oct 2003
14. THE SPECTRUM OF PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME (PART II)
Studies of target parents who are falsely accused of abuse report they tend to be less disturbed than their accusing counterparts.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/rand12.htm - size 53kb - 20 Oct 2003
15. THE SPECTRUM OF PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME (PART II)
Parental Alienation Syndrome is a distinctive family response to divorce in which the child becomes aligned with one parent and preoccupied with unjustified and/or exaggerated denigration of the other target parent.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/rand11.htm - size 44kb - 20 Oct 2003
16. Parental Alienation Information Archive
All the information on the SPARC site regarding Parental Alienation has been consolidated on this central reference page.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pasarchive.htm - size 17kb - 20 Oct 2003
17. THE SPECTRUM OF PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME (PART II) (cont.)
In the following case, the accused father was an officer in the military. Testimony on PAS by the defense expert provided the judge and jury with some alternative explanations as to the reasons the children accused their stepfather of abuse.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/rand13.htm - size 31kb - 20 Oct 2003
18. THE SPECTRUM OF PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME (PART I)
Parental Alienation Syndrome is a distinctive family response to divorce in which the child becomes aligned with one parent and preoccupied with unjustified and/or exaggerated denigration of the other target parent.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/rand02.htm - size 44kb - 20 Oct 2003
19. Expanding the Parameters of PAS
The newness of the parental alienation syndrome (PAS) compels its redefinition and refinement as new cases are observed and the phenomenon becomes better understood.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-cartwright.htm - size 32kb - 20 Oct 2003
20. PAS: How to Detect It and What to Do About It
Although parental alienation syndrome (PAS) is a familiar term, there is still a great deal of confusion and unclarity about its nature, dimensions, and, therefore, its detection.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-walsh2.htm - size 24kb - 20 Oct 2003




One of the first things you'll hear around here is "Document, document, document!". Having good records is *crucial*. Get yourself either the Parenting Time Tracker (PTT) at: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tracker.htm or the OPTIMAL Custody Tracking service at: http://www.parentingtime.net. The PTT is good, but the OPTIMAL service is definitely better.

 

[Kitty C.]

I agree with the 'he said/she said' BS, so what you also will need is statements and testimony from observers as to the state the kids are in in her custody.  Talk to the teachers and the daycares and simply ask them to give their impression of the kids' well being, physically and emotionally.

Also, get them to a doctor and dentist for check-ups.  If she is neglecting them, it will show up in the reports there as well.