getting custody from a negligent mother

[silvertone]

I have recently taken a paternity test which revealed that I am the father of a ten year old boy, named Nick ( I was never married to the birth mother). I traveled from New York to Lexington  North Carolina and met my child in his home environment.  I saw a marajuana pipe on a coffee table, in plain view for the children to see, if they noticed.  
   Then I discovered that the grand parents )referring to them as mom and dad) had custody for the past 8 1/2 to 9 years.  the bm was uhnemployed since she was fired for stealing from the family business.  Her partner/boyfriend/partner of ten years spoke of crack cocaine, a lot, in a particulaly defensive manner, even though the subject was never brought up.  Their is also a seventeen year old boy living in the residence who asked the boyfriend "why did you hit me?"  The man replied "They were just charlie horses"  I know that my child is in a bad environment.  But I'm trying to build a relationship with him before I go for custody.  They have no phone and I haven't received any letters.  I'm sure she wants to aoid any type of relationship between my son and I because she would lose her cs (her reason for taking the child back after all these years) when the Nick realized that liviving w my wife and I would be better "all the way around"  My wife and I have been together for 8 yrs. we both have a stable home and stable jobs. We are about to complete all the requirements for foster care.  I am a certified occupational therapy assistant employed as a child care aide for New York state. I have plenty of professional  collateral references. In other words I play w/ children my sons age as a profession.  Plus  Nick hates his school.   Should I go for custody  outright, or file for visitation first.

[joni]

I don't know that you can go for custody for a child that you've just met.  Since he's lived with his grandparents, that would be considered the custodial home and caretakers....even tho birth mom is a crack ho...

I think you'd have to establish contact with the child on a regular basis, bond with him and then go through the motions of having to discredit the mother and prove that the child is in an unstable environment and endangered.  If gramps & grandma come off like Ozzie and Harriet, you're in for an uphill battle.  

As a future foster parent, you'll see it's easier to gain custody of a foster child than your own birth child.  Welcome to the world of family court where common sense is out the window.

[silvertone]

thank  for the reply joni, I hink your right.  I'm going to need a fair priced paralegal to gain a decent visitation deal...  possibly having her take turns driving from north carolina to new york or meeting half way.  I just don't know what to do. my attorney wants 3000 for a retainer just for visitation.  I keep reading that a non custodial parent is better off hiring a knowledgable paralegal to navigate through a local court system familiar to that paralegal.