There's more...when is enough, enough?

[purrrfectgirl]

So for anyone who read my earlier post "Your Take" this is a little update.  We had s-kids for Saturday night to Sunday.  SD confessed alot of things about life at mom's.  One, there is really no food in the house that the kids can eat.  There is food in the house, don't get me wrong, so calling CPS will do no good.  But she will not let the kids eat anything in the house.  They get money sometimes (maybe one or two nights a week) to go out and walk to a restaurant to eat (this is a pair of 12 yr. olds walking alone).  And SD told us that this is the ONLY time she's really eaten over the last week.  DH gave them money to go to McDonald's some night to get food.  They've been instructed to hide it because if mom finds it she will take it.  And as I stated in the earlier post, her house is being foreclosed on.  You would think this woman has no money.

So next weekend we get the kids for a week and we're taking them on vacation to the beach.  And while we're gone, mom, new hubby and new baby are flying - FLYING - to CA for a vacation.  This from a woman who has no money.  These kids are suffering massively due to this woman.  If we could get the kids to testify to the fact that mom won't let them eat the food in the house and they eat because dad gives them money, do you think that would be enough for Emergency Temp Custody?  Life for these children is worse than this.  They are like a frog in a pot of boiling water.  This systematic neglect of them has been happening over 5 years.  And now they are getting to the point that they finally start to realize how bad it is.  And if the kids were willing to testify, would we need all three the testify to it, or just maybe one or two?  I feel so horrible for these kids, but with school startung in just over two weeks for them, we want to try to get them out for the school year, but tradiational means will not work fast enough.

Just a side note to let you know how cukoo this woman is, as her little $125,000 house is being foreclosed on, the the kids say they went on a ride last week to look at a $500,000 because mom thinks they might be living there soon.  Any advice is appreciated.

[DeeDee]

I have a question first.  How far away do your sd's live from you?

The idea of them walking alone in the evening hours is worrisome at the least.  Is there any way they can call and your dh can meet them take them to dinner and return them home?

I just get a sad sick feeling in my stomach that even if you took the matter to court all that would happen would be for the judge to admonish bm and order her to provide three well balanced meals per day to her children. (We've been down this road ourselves over the years.)

Do you believe bm would manipulate your sd's into keeping silent or changing their story before court?

Would bm allow sd's to come over after school to your home hence an opportunity to eat dinner.

If you end up deciding to go to court it cannot hurt to attempt to increase parenting time before and it shows the court/evaluators etc. that other attempts were made to ensure the neglect did not take place.

Also, when your sd's are visiting remember to teach them some self-sufficency...How to make a sub sandwich, a chef salad, scrambled eggs etc.   and send them back with the groceries so they can make it at their place.(Will bm let them do this? Probably not, huh?)  Also sending a precooked meal back with them can help too--a roasted chicken and a container of potatoes/veggies have to be eaten or they will spoil....)

DeeDee

[purrrfectgirl]

Okay, maybe I didn't fully explain this problem clearly.  There is food in the house!  But my S-kids are not allowed to eat it.  It's either step-dad or half sisters, but they are not allowed to touch it and if they do, there are some serious consequences to pay.  As for sending home food, if we send anything home with those kids it is taken away as soon as mom finds it. This has been true for everything from Christmas/birthday gifts, souvenirs from vacation, money for working at our house, etc.  If we sent home a pre-cooked meal, mom would take it and eat it.  THis is a truly sick woman.  And the courts might just slap her hands, but if the kids say they want out do you think the courts will let the kids out to come live with dad?

The sad part about all this is S-kids have been told (numerous times, and very loudly from what I understand) that if they live with dad she will never speak to them again.  And yet my SD still wants out.  

As for taking the kids out, we live about 30 minutes away so it's not easy to get there, not to mention the fact that if mom finds out she's going to totally flip.  This woman has a serious mental disease that anyone can see over time.  But no professional has watched her long enough to make an actual diagnosis.  And none probably will because she won't sit around long enough waiting for it.  

When we get to court I think SD will say anything required to get out of mom's house.  It's really sad.  I asked SD the other day what she would say in court.  Well, about 2 years ago we took SD's cat that mom bought her because mom was going to send the cat to the pound on Christmas day.  Anyway, I asked SD what she would say, and she said she'd tell the judge that her cat gets more food at our house than she gets at her mom's.  That is heart breaking to hear a 12 yr. old say that.

[jilly]

Those poor kids!!! Even though you know this type thing happens it's still an "OMG I can't believe this!" moment.
Forgive me for not remembering this, but has your DH called social services to advise them of this? Because what she is doing is called neglect. I'm sure you don't need to be told this. Is it an option for the kids to call social services and "rat out" their Mom? Has you DH discussed this with his attorney? I can't imagine an officer of the court letting this sort of thing continue. There's got to be some way you can get an emergency order or something to get those kids out of there!
Good luck to you, DH and the kids. I hope you can get them out of there soon.

[DeeDee]

Believe you me I know how sad it is...my sk's were forced to fast for days at a time and the court did nothing....

Of course my sk's were badgered, threatened and beaten by bm if they told anyone anything. The court did nothing about this for many years too.


I suppose they key would be the strength of your sd to stick to her guns, and how well bm could manipulate the situation.  What state are you in?  Is mediation a mandatory part of the osc process and are the children involved in mediation?

If your dh wants to proceed judicially doing it sooner rather than later would be a good idea. (Best to do it while bm's foreclosure is on-going--the more distractions for her the better for you and your dh, and of course your sd.)

Two of my four sk's developed serious eating disorders because of "food games" played by their bm. Keep a close eye on your sd.

DeeDee

[msme]

I have two ideas. the first one would to tell the kids to wait until about 9:30 at night & then call the police. Tell them that they are hungry & mom will not let them eat. When the police come out let them tell them that they are afraid of what she is going to do to them for telling. The police will have to call CPS.

Another thought is that school is starting soon. Have them tell their teachers & counselors & nurse that they are hungry & not allowed to eat the food at home. Those people are mandatory reporters & will contact CPS. When the mother denies it, they should have a blood test run.
Their blood sugar should tell if they have been eating.

CPS will not give any credence to reports from a NCP, especially if it is a father. Keep check with the school & once you know that a report has been made, their dad can call & discuss the investigation with them.

Good luck & God bless.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

[Bolivar OH]

HI purrrfectgirl,

You have a tough one.  What is your hubbys custody status? (I forgot)

Are you trying to get PBFH supervised visitation?  Change in Custody?  From the sounds of things BioMom will never be a good mom to your step children.  All PBFH wants is her mommy support, and anything that comes between her and MONEY "Watch Out!!".

You will probably need a Guardian Ad Litem since it will be hard to prove "child abuse".  I may be wrong.

It is a federal law that if a felony crime is being committed and a recording is made; then the recording is admissible evidence in the court of law.  Child abuse I believe is a felony so charges can be brought in front of criminal court and the tape recording can be used as evidence.  Just a thought.

Good luck!!

[purrrfectgirl]

We would call CPS about neglect, but if CPS showed up at her door, there is food in the house.  His kids just aren't allowed to eat it.  It sounds so nutty, but this woman has her "family" and DH's kids aren't included.  They are warehoused for a paycheck.  He has spoken with his attorney and we're going to be filing for a change of custody in the next week or so.  We've got  the kids for a week of vacation and I think during that time we're going to try to persuade them to testify against mom (They are 12 and well the oldest will be 16 by then).  They will be believed.  But we have to convince all the kids this is good.  If we only get one or two the others could testify it's not true and ruin everything.

[purrrfectgirl]

We live in Ohio and mediation is not mandatory.  So we plan on probably jumping right in!  I think SD is willing to say anything to get away from mom.  And we plan on getting it going while she's dealing with foreclosure.  We're hoping that by doing this maybe we can run her off so she abandons the kids.  I mean we're hoping with the foreclosure she has no money to fight us, but we'll just have to wait and see about that!

[purrrfectgirl]

One of the main problems is that we're afraid mom's planning on moving before school starts.  And they don't go to any sort of child care, so there's really no one left to do that.  Calling the cops isn't a bad idea though.  Thanks!