Need HELP BEFORE 7 TONIGHT 9-17-04

[lookinnomore]

The ex wife wants to pick up her sons tonight, one wants to go, the oldest one refuses to go.  She (x wife) says she has a court order that gives her visits from 7pm tonight, till 7pm Sunday night.  We have no such copy, he was given custody May 14,2001 with no mention of visitation at all.  Question is, whose obligation is it to make this child go? Is the father responsible for forcing the 13 year old child into the car with his mother? or is the mother responsible for forcing him into the car?  I do plan to video the encounter as we are in the middle of a custody battle, said father is afraid he is going to be in trouble if he doesn't make him go, but how can you make a child go when they dont want to?

[Bolivar]

Lookinnomoe you said "he was given custody May 14,2001 with no mention of visitation at all."

In my humble opinion I would conceder "what is best for the children" NOT what the law says.

1. Is there any risk to the children?
2. If not YOU ARE THE PARENT.  The children are under your guidance/protection.  It is your responsibility to explain to your 13 year old child he/she must go.

What if you child starts using drugs.  Are you going to let them continue because the child wants to and is going to throw a temper tantrum?

The children should visit their MOM!!!

Yes,, video taping is a good idea.  Having witness would be a good idea.


Question -> does this mean that the eX has NOT seen the children since May 14.


P.S. please do NOT take this the wrong way.  You might want to take a parenting class.  I have and they are GREAT!!!  And a lot of FUN!! Your 13 year old is a  very, very common problem.

[Bolivar]

Typo "Your 13 year old is a  very, very common problem."

Should have been:

You are experiencing a very, very common problem with your 13 year old.

[lookinnomore]

The 13 year old went 4 weeks ago to visit as usual and was slapped across the face, called and asked dad to come and get him, mom refused to let dad come so the son stayed the weekend out.

Mom gets youngest son every other weekend like clockwork, oldest son goes once a month most of the time.  He didn't go on the last visit, he always calls her the night before and tells her he isn't coming this weekend it seems to be an issue.

We (dad and I) took a parenting class like 4 years ago, as I have a 14 year old and thought it would help, not sure it did or didn't but I took it.

Dad has told him that he has to go, son still says hes not....... guess only time will tell how this plays out!

Thanks for the quick response

[catherine]

and instruct him how to call 911 if she slaps him again.  Why did she anyway?

[Stepmomnow]

She cannot "have a court order" that you are not aware of, unless she pulled a fast one.  If I were you, I would demand a copy of that order so you can figure out if she is just bluffing or if she did an emergency ex-parte hearing without letting the judge know she could contact you.

You may post this on Socrateasers board - I have seen him say that the courts do not expect parents to drag children into the other parent's car, kicking and screaming.  Perhaps you should vidoe tape the exchange, but let the BM deal with OSS herself.  No sense in giving her a chance to scream abuse because you are trying to comply with her demands.

[Bolivar]

"The 13 year old went 4 weeks ago to visit as usual and was slapped across the face"

That is an important piece of info missing.  Like a car missing tires.  That changes things.


I have to go pick up my son now.


I just wanted to say Good Luck!  Stay claim!  You sound like a good, caring, loving mom.  You will do the right thing when the situation requires.

God bless!

[lookinnomore]

he was arguing with another sibling and she wanted him to go to his room that he shares with another sibling at her house.  When he refused she slapped him in the face.  

He called dad to come get him, but mom refused to let him leave through her visit.

[lookinnomore]

Dad asked that she bring such court order with her.  She told him it was not her responsibilty to provide it for him.  I say she is lying! But maybe I am partial lol.

Dad is going outside onto the porch while the 13 yo goes to the car to state for the third time he is NOT going.  I have a neighbor who will be on his porch to witness the encounter promptly at 7, she says she will be arriving about 7:10.  

[Stepmom0418]

My advise would be that if you feel the child is SAFE then tell child its not their choice!!

IF the child is going to be put in an UNSAFE inviroment then I would prob not allow the child to go, unless there is a court order and that can be proven!!

If there is a court order then it needs to be followed!! If there is not then i would think that you should do what ever is best for the child.

If there is a court order and child still refuses to go the YOU call the police and have them come out and document so that YOU are not in CONTEMPT of the court order!! (that way tou can prove that you are not the one who refused it was the childs wishes!!!

This is all JMO but I wish you the best and please update us as the details are known.