Can my fiance win custody?? (LONG)

[rachel2m83]

Here's the story...
My fiance and his wife have been separated for almost 4 years now, but are not divorced yet. They wanted to keep it as inexpensive as possible and keep it out of the court, so they tried to settle. They kept sending proposals back and forth over and over. They even came to an "agreement" twice, but both instances, when it came time, she wouldn't sign. She would always come up with some crap to hold it up. So finally we got fed up and he told his lawyer to pursue a trial. Well of course it took forever to actually get scheduled a court date, and then it was 3 months away.
In the mean time we have been doing a 50/50 split since December 1st 2003. MTW with mother, W evening TF with us, then every other weekend. It has worked out fairly well. Except of course the fact that my fiance has been paying her $105 every week for CS, because she filed for CS at the very beginning, and since the 50/50 split wasn't an actual court order, they wouldn't modify the CS...complete BS!! Not to mention we have bought everything for his daughter at our house, even though he pays CS to her.
We take her to all her doctors and dentists appointments. We have taught her the ABCs and 123s and we have taught her how to tie her shoes and ride a bike. We always let her talk to her mother when she calls and will call her if she asks (which she rarely does). We also have discipline in our house...not that we're too strict, but there are rules, with consequences if broken. Now, her mother on the other hand...doesn't seem to work on teaching her anything, dresses her in horrible, ratty clothes/never buys her anything new (that she needs, just gifts to keep her happy), NEVER returns my fiance's calls so he can talk to his daughter, and has NO discipline in her house. There have been many times when my fiance will be speaking to his daughter on the phone and she will be literally screaming at her mother and telling her to shut up!! Which HE of course corrects (she NEVER acts like that at our house). So basically it seems like we are her parents and her mother just serves to spoil her and let her run wild.
Anyway, we show up to court on the 15th of this month prepared to go to trial. They give them one more chance to settle and NOW she claims that she won't settle because she wants joint custody with their daughter living with her M-F and my fiance can have every other weekend. Obviously that is completely unacceptable to him. She claims that the transition during the week is hard on their daughter and she is throwing tantrums (which is a complete lie), she does throw tantrums occasionally, but SHE'S 4!! So he declines and they say ok. So it's time for trial, right? WRONG! The court informs us NOW that they are going to appoint a law gaurdian for their daughter. So now we have to shell out $750 (and her $750) to pay for this guy, so he can interview all of us and then we go back to trial in 4 weeks.
Now, after all that, I guess my point in writing all this is...does he have a chance in winning? What is meeting the law gaurdian like? How do we make the best possible impression? Does the father ever win??
Thanks for letting me ramble.
Rachel

[wendl]

You got off cheap with a law guardian for only $750 our costs my dh about 1,300 and she didn't even investigate my dh's concerns (admitted it on stand at trial)

This person is suppose to investigate both households and concerns (sometimes they do sometimes they don't) Basically it's a crap shoot in the courts.

PS from the time our GAL was appointed until trial it took 1yr, sometimes its a long process so be ready for it.

Documenting everything, download the parenting time tacker and track yoru visitation that you have had as far back as you can remember, get letters from the docotrs regarding whom take child to appointments etc.

Document Document Document.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[Lawmoe]

Her chance of winning custody is minimal. The presumption is against her. However, she has a shgt, an outside one, she must show essentrillay endangerment.

[teakae]

This sounds just like my boyfriend's situation except that he and his ex were never officially married. When he separated from her (last year) he offered her all the options in the world but nothing was ever good enough for her. They came to some agreement on visitation but then she would say she can't go through with it because, oh she will miss them too much if they are away from her more than one night, she can't NOT tuck them in every night, oh, but she needs to kiss them goodbye for school, but she is just so USED to picking them up from school every day... on and on and on.
    He was paying for kids insurance (naturally since he is the only one with a steady job that offers benefits) , kids school lunch (mom can't get up early enough to fix lunch for the kids), kids groceries (dad doesn't pay enough child support so mommy can't feed the kids...), all of kids expences with a receipt (oh no this is too much like treating her like a criminal) plus her car (it was her car to begin with), her car insurance (kids need insurance), gas money (kids need transportation) and $700 cash allowance for her (can't work if she has to go to school AND take care of the kids) until she finished school (x ray technician).  All this for 50% visitation!
He tried this with no court order but her visitation interference and PAS got worse and worse, she was asking for more money, etc so he finally went to a lawyer. This was in March, 6 months ago.
    Since then things have gotten worse and worse. She is now only letting him see the kids every other weekend. She has withdrawn the kids from a good school (Ranked A in the State) that they loved to a school in her district (ranked C). She has forbidden them to go to karate practice because SHE didn't pay for it. Cancelled tutoring sessions for the kids because it will be "pushing them too hard". Telling them things that are totally PAS. Telephone interference where she is yelling at the kid to get off the phone because its time for bed when the kid yells back that how can he go to bed when he hasn't even had dinner or baths yet. This would be neglect because it would be past 9pm.  
   Six months and $6000 dollars later what has the lawyers done so far?  Last week they depositioned her. In the next couple of weeks they go to  mediation (which we know is a waste of time). After that fails, parenting evaluation which can take months and dollars, then after that a dozen more depositions, then perhaps trial...
   My boyfriend has called DCF because he was concerned about the kids, but they blew him off. "Call us with a "real" problem" " It is OK for her to drag the kids to work at 5am and let them sleep on the cold store floor and be late for school even if the fathers residence is less than a mile away, as long as she isn't leaving them at home alone" "As long as the kids are in school, it is not neglect to send them to an inferior school and we dont like to get involved in school situations even if she is with drawing them early from school just because she is "lonely".  "You should just try to make the best of the time you do have your kids and not worry about the rest because kids are tough" "Why don't you get a lawyer and go to court?"
  And the part that really really sucks is that in the end, he will get joing custody with 50% visitation and she would laugh.

[DecentDad]

Hi,

The longer the 50/50 arrangement stays in place, the more likely it is the outcome will be something close to that-- barring any pretty convincing evidence to change it.

Preschoolers who have no structure may throw tantrums more often.  So, all your fiance can do is say that he doesn't observe tantrums, but he thinks the parenting styles are very different, and maybe that has something to do with it.

You should get all your ducks in a row in preparation for anything the GAL may want.  If dad has been doing all the appointments at doctor/dentist, he may want to get a copy of the medical records from each office.  They may show who attended the appts, but at least he can present them to the GAL and say, "I put a green mark next to all the ones I brought Junior to."

Likewise, he should document all the phone difficulties.

Based upon what you wrote, I don't think that either of the parents will end up with sole custody.  The determination is not about which parent is better, but rather is each parent "good enough" (i.e., food, shelter, clothes, bringing to school, avoid beating, avoid drugs, etc).

What does your attorney feel about the GAL who is appointed?

BTW, I had to pay $13,500 for a custody evaluation.  If you only end up paying $750 for the GAL, you guys are doing really well (as much as it would have been nice to take that cruise, get that TV, repair the car, invest for college, etc).

DD