Custody Help or advice

[ER]

I have a pre-trial hearing in 3 weeks for custody of my son. I have custody now and the mohter who left twice in my son's life was wanting sole custody but now has had her attorney file a "shared parenting plan" and awaiting the GAL and psychological evaluation reports. I have given the GAL much documentation, files, pictures, and anything else pertaining to my son and his well being. My ex' mother even talked to the GAL describing how her daughter is not fit to rasie another child. (she has another one from a previous) My son has developmental problems which his mother has not even talked to me about nor done antyhing to help him in any way, but she never misses a vistiation day if anything. My son is in school, therapy and structure activities to help his development and I pay for everything. The GAL is being made aware of this but I feel he could care less. I should say the mother is a social worker and dresses to impress if you know what I mean! So, bascially, we did the GAL, psyc evals and now we are awaiting the courts. My son has lived with me since birth and has not been taken out of my home except for his mother's visitation on her weekends. He still is having problems adjusting to this but it seems no one cares except those that are involved with his development. DO I have any chance of keeping sole custody of him? I honestly beleive that shared parenting or joint cusotdy would only make matters worse since the mohter refuse to discuss or particpate in any of my son's doings. I have much documentation as well as recoridngs and witnesses but I feel that it isn't enough for the courts to "see" the truth. ANy advice or any thoughts?

[Peanutsdad]

It sounds like it's already down to the wire so to speak.

What did the psych evals and custody eval reports say?


You dont mention whether you have an attorney or not,,,, sad as it is,, that CAN play a factor unless you are well versed in pro se representation.



I am rather confused on  a few things: Do you have sole legal and physical?

Is mom seeking sole ? Or a joint custody?


If mom isnt  actively seeking to oppose your helping your child with his problems, why isnt joint appropriate? If she is refusing to discuss or participate, then its essentially staus quo anyhoo.

[ER]

>It sounds like it's already down to the wire so to speak.

Yes, and I still don't have a clue as to what may be happining. My attorney knows that I and not settling for anything but sole custody and I am prepared to go to trial in needed to protect my son's well being.

>
>What did the psych evals and custody eval reports say?


My attorney has not received them yet and I do not know if my ex even went to the eval as of yet. I do know that the GAL made a comment to my ex's mother that he feels I have an explosive temper but stated that my ex was perfect. Kicker is that my ex's mother disagreed with him and stated that her daughter is violent and can hide he emotions quite well. GAl mentioned to her that "he is starting to see things in a different light, whatever that means. I have been keeping the GAL informed with documentation of things happening as well as my son's development because he did state he was greatly concerned. He aslo made a comment to the day care that he feels we are not going to be able to work anyting out meaning me and my son's mother. (no kidding!) But I feel he may have it in for me. My ex can bring on the charm with her looks as well as other things which she did in court.

>
>You dont mention whether you have an attorney or not,,,, sad
>as it is,, that CAN play a factor unless you are well versed
>in pro se representation.
>
Yes, I do have an attorney and nothing really has been done except filing for sole custody of my child as well as my ex doing the same. When my ex after 3 months of no contact took my son from day care with no notice her attorney file for an ex parte order underhandedly and got it. My attorney found this out and file to vacat the order and got my son back in one day because her attorny didn't show the judge the affidavidt stating that my son resided with me for 3 years and was living in my residence at teh time she took him. Guess her attorney let that paper slip under the desk from what I was told. Judge was not to happy when my attorney made a note of that!!


>
>
>I am rather confused on  a few things: Do you have sole legal
>and physical?
>
Our court order stated that "custody shall remain with the father while the mother has companionship" Nothing else stated except parents are referring to a GAL for mediation and a hearing date. So basically I have sole custody and physical but my ex told the GAL we have shared custody. Didn't say that in the court papers.



>Is mom seeking sole ? Or a joint custody?
>
Mother was seeking sole custody but changed a month before our hearing to shared parenting. I believe somthing is up by this since she was pretty convinced she was getting sole custody. I figured it had to do with child support as well as her now knowing my son is going to require years of therapy for his development.


>
>If mom isnt  actively seeking to oppose your helping your
>child with his problems, why isnt joint appropriate? If she is
>refusing to discuss or participate, then its essentially staus
>quo anyhoo.

My son's mother does not show any involvment with him because of his problems. Her only motivation for this was her daddy getting her out of finacial ruin and helping her daughter out. She put herself in a position of not being able to support herself and her daughter and then turn it around blamming me for keeping her son away from her. Well, daddy fell for the act and is supporting her now. Ironic though that her own mother, brother and sister-in-law will testify on my son's behalf stating they strongly are against any joint or sole custody for her. Her own daughter has made comments that she does not want her mother to have my son becasue she fears she will end up taking care of him. Problem is that the GAL will not interview my son's half-sister since the mohter will refuse. The only way seen fit is to go to court and have it ordered by the judge. It is really a total mess and the only benefit the mother sees is getting out of paying support for her son as well as doing anythig but picking him up and "looking good" for everyone.

As for our communication, I sent certified letters even asking her to contact me to discuss her son's well being and development, called her as well as tried to speak to her when she brings him back form vistitations. Nothing. 6 months of therapy and my son's mother still does not care to inquire about him. I even asked her if she would take him to therapy in fron of the GAL and she replied " No, you know I work late on Tuesdays, change the day instead" Well, she lied because, I have a witness that sees her work-out in a gym on Tuesdays.  

Joint, shared, or anything regarding an effrot of two parents to raise a child will not work with our situatuion. I know if sounds harsh but I have solid reason and evidence with her family to atest to these reasons. It isn't physical abuse but a definate metal abuse on the children. Her own daughter is so confused and has no contact anymore with her grandmother, unlce, or aunt. She sees her grandfather because of money just like the mother. The grandfather made an offer tome the first time I file for custody just to stay out of court. It wasn't so much money because I didn't ask for that nor did I accept any. It was for my son and I wanted him to have a family. Well, the grandfather played a trick on me, my son, and his aunt and own son to get his way and keep his daughter out of court. My son lost and is now suffering. Money is terrible and can bring more harm than good when it is used to greed and image. I have been in this fight for my son for over a year now and it I have learned that being a male I have no pull no matter how many things are on my side. I have the school, therapist, teachers, doctors, anyone that is invloved with my son and knows what is going on for the past few years. It seems that the GAL could care less and the psychologist figures I an a nut! LOL The court system is very much stacked against fathers that truly do right by their child or children.

[Kitty C.]

Well, I hope you have her family ready to testify on your son's behalf at trial.  Even if the GAL won't speak to them, they CAN be heard by the judge if you call them as witnesses.

Good luck and I wish you and your son all the best!

[ER]

Yes, my ex's mother already spoke to the GAL and the aunt is going to speak to him next.  I can only pray that those involved actually see the truth and realize it is about my son and not themselves.

[Kitty C.]

Talking to the GAL alone may not be enough.  Because if the GAL is that much against you, I can guarantee you that they will brush over the comments of her family.  You've got to get them on the witness stand for the JUDGE to hear what they've got to say as well.

[ER]

I know but in this town they have a system that has to be follwed and the next thing up is a pre-trial hearing in which the GAL's report and Psychological Evaluations will be presented along with the GAL report on custody.

The only thing I got out of the GAL was that he commented to my ex's mother that he is starting to see a different light on this. I don't have a clue of what that means but being that he was quite curious as to why the my ex's mohter would actually say I am the better parent than her own daughter may have been a turning point or possible being a trick? I still don't feel he did his job by the information and contacts I gave him to review.

The funny thing about this is that the GAL did comment that he is concerened that the mother is not invovled with her son's development. But I believe in his opinion he may think I am purposly doing it for spite. Now, figure it out. She left him twice, filed custody, then all of a sudden wants shared parenting instead of sole custody but still refuses to be involved in her son's life except to visit him and bring him back. Now if he did a true investigation, there should be no questions as to what is going on. My guess is the GAL will say joint and force her to be a part of my son's life and in the end make matters worse at this stage of his life.

Sorry, if I sound selfish regarding custody, but I have friends who are attorneys as well as parents who have been in similar situations and they are always back in courts for just about anything. I am scared that all the work the therapist, schools, teachers, family memebers and doctors involved with my son will be useless if joint custody or worse shared is awarded. My ex is only doing this to get out of support and have her father support her. I can assure you that if the shoe was on the other foot, I would have never made it this far in the process.

And to make things worse, my attorney says ther is nothing I can do until he gets those reports regarding the GAL and Evals. Even if I feel the GAL is not doing his job, I still have to sit and wait and you know what? By then, it will be too late and I will have to start all over. Hell, I had to take the Eval tests out in the waiting lobby of the psyc's office. The test was a photo copy that was faint and hard to read. People were waiting and chating while the receptionist was on the phone talking about paitents in a manner that I would not want anything to do with. Then, I had to wait just to get the second test because the Psyc was busy with a client and the receptionist couldn't get into his office to get the test. Now mind you, I have an appoiment on that day. You would think there would be some professionalism and they would have things ready for me. I tell ya, it is all a racket.

[Kitty C.]

...in that the GAL is rethinking his position based on your ex's mother's comments.  And I understand the 'process.  All I'm saying is that, if the GAL's report doesn't come back in your favor at the PT hearing, or doesn't put the emphasis on her family's statements that you think it should, then I'd insist that they be called as witnesses at trial to back you up.

Yup, it's a racket all right.  It's a money-making industry for the professionals involved.  As for overhearing the receptionist, that's a blatant violation of the new HIPAA regulations regarding privacy.  I'd be reporting that office, if I were you......but I'd wait until your case is over.

[ER]

You know though, all the reports won't be made available until the day before the trial. My attorney told me that when he gets these reports then we will discuss what if anything we need to do. But I been on other sites and heard that the reprots anre not know until the trial or pre-trial in my case.

As for testifying, I beleive the mohter and aunt will go that way for my son. They have been helping me and keeping in touch which is great but also very scary at the same time. I gave the guardian, documentation on every aspect of my son, including his schooling, therapy, even phone conversations showing how his mother refuses to talk or is beligerant towards me. I even gave the GAL pictures of when she borught my son home with a swollen face from numerous bugs bites and then didn't say anyting until I called her asking! She had the nerve to tell me to just take him to the hospital or doctor if you want. That is recorded as well.

The GAL though with all this information may look at it as a spite towards the mother. SO I figured on a trial, even my ex's mother warned me that I should not settle for anyting but sole custody. You have to understand, my ex has had inappropriate behavior around her daughter more than once and teh GAL knows this. I don't think he would consider it but you never know.

Well, enough venting, main thing is to focus on the goal of my son's well being. I have much information for a trial so I am not concerned if the reports come back unfavorable.

As for the Pscy., that will be brought up to my attorney shortly. Didn't think it was professional and worth $1,200.00 just to sit there and be made a fool of. I beleive the test I took was the MMP2 and a parenting test. I think I read somwhere that that personality test is not a true test since there can be too many factors. If what I read was true about the test, then the question certanly favor that statement!! LOL

[Lawmoe]

Based on the facts you relate, it sounds as if you have an excellent chance of retaining custody.  Your attoenwy should be sending and and all information to teh GAL and eeping on top of it. That often sways the recommendation.

The recommendation can and will be critical.