Update

[futurestep-mom_AZ]

Well it is finally over (at least for 5 months, even if the Judge said 6)
My fiance went to Court. He was totally prepared. The Judge asked why they were there and my fiance said b/c mom was using meth. The judge said before I let you guys scream it out and ask anyway I want you both to voluntarily submit to a drug test right then and there. No prob. Oh yeah mom filed an answer to an august 6 petition on oct 21 (day before Court) which my fiance never got a copy of. Anyway they go test and what do you know---> Mom is dirty for meth. Back in Court mom cries its been over 3 weeks since she used (yeah right the guy who administered the test said max 4 days) anyway judge says supervised visitation every other weekend with mom having to submit to random drug tests for 6 months (then schedules a hearing for March 25th) any dirty tests and it starts over. Custody changed from mom sole to mom and dad joint legal w/ dad primary.

The judge acted like it pained him to do this---> Did not address cs (which is paid in full and still being paid through Wage Assignment) and made no mention of tax allocation which by last order stated mom every year. My fiance is afraid to rattle the boat and for the judge to think he did it for $, but we are struggling, CS would be pointless mom hasn't worked in 3 years all state aid but the tax allocation would be nice, and the fact that my fiances CS is only $23.00 per month is easily ignored but its really the principal the judge still spoke to my fiance like he was a babysitter while mommy got better.

What does everyone think? Let it go? Judge also said if she had clean tests for  6 months he would seriosly consider restoring things to the way they were. What is this?

[joni]

--Judge also said if she had clean tests for 6 months he would seriosly consider restoring things to the way they were. What is this?--

It's called gender bias against fathers.  

Why in the world would the judge even consider giving this drugged out mother sole custody again in 6 months?  It astounds me.  Especially since the woman was so stupid to show up to court with drugs in her system.

[msme]

of action for the next 6 months. Document everything. Will the supervised visitation be at a facility or do you designate the supervisor? If it is at a facility, they should give you a copy of the visit report that tells about her interaction with the kids. Don't lose any of them. If she doesn't show for a visit, make sure they give you a receipt for your being there & her miss.

Go to the school & get a copy of their grades & attendance for last year & this year to date. Right before court, get a copy of everything from the date you got custody. If you can prove significant improvement under your care, the judge would be have to be crazy to return things to as they were.

Keep in close contact with the school counselor & the teachers. Also get statements from their teachers & subpoena the school counselor to testify.

Put the kids in counseling. Their counselor can testify to their need for stability. Church is also good for them & you too, at this time. Take all the help you can get.

Good luck & God bless.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

[hagatha]

>>>judge says supervised visitation every other weekend with mom having to submit to random drug tests for 6 months (then schedules a hearing for March 25th) any dirty tests and it starts over<<<

What are the chances really. that she will be able to get clean and stay clean for the entire 6 months???

Every time she tests dirty the supervision will be an additional 6 months. After 3 dirty tests you will have had the kids more than a year. You have enough time here to prove the children are better with you.

She will take care of custody all by herself. You guys just have to be patient and good parents and things will be fine.

The Witch

Remember . . . KARMA is a Wonderful Thing!!!!!

[cathy]

Sorry - don't know the specifics - -- but is there a court date in 6 months, an automatic revisit of the issues, or is that just when one of the parties can request a review?

If so, do you think mommie druggie would bother requesting a hearing?

[Kitty C.]

Plus one other thing................Keep a VERY close eye out to have her nailed for possession or purchasing.  One other problem you might have is getting the judge to put his money where his mouth is when it comes to her coming up dirty.  He may back off and not go back to 'square one'.

Get highly involved with the kids and keep CLOSE track on their progress in school.  What you want to prove over the next 6 months is that they are doing MUCH better with you than with her.  Besides school and church, get them involved in something that they like to do, whether it be Scouts, dance, martial arts or whatever.  Don't overload them....let them pick ONE thing that they'd like to do.   I understand that money is a factor, but there are always ways to get things done.  I know that Scouts (Boys and Girls) can make accomodations for low-income families and other organizations may be able to do the same.

Your goal is to show the kids have made HUGE progress in the time they've spent with you, so much so that the judge would have no choice but to keep them with you.  If she stays clean, I would recommend a graduated unsupervised visitation plan...you will have to look accomodating, but also include random drug testing for her.  Don't let her think that just because the 6 months is up, she can go back to using.  Have the visitation dependant on whether she is clean at that moment.  And she has to pay for ALL testing costs as well.

[futurestep-mom_AZ]

Yes the judge said "6 months from today (hearing was Oct. 22nd) then schedules a re-visit hearing on March 25th (nice 6 months my calculations call that 5 months) We don't even know if it is to re-vistit visitation meaning unsupervised or if it will be a full out custody battle AGAIN.

[futurestep-mom_AZ]

I want to try to answer all questions so this may be long--> Not that my first one wasn't. Anyway the child is 5 (as of early sept. state law says 5 by Aug 20th for public school). We got her into a charter kindergarten. The judge kept referring to as pre-school although my fiance tried to tell him that it is kindergarten if she does well enough she will be promoted to 1st next year. At this point child is doing great and we do have statements from teachers and staff, but definately we will keep them updated.
We are working on counseling. My fiance and I are taking a 12 week parenting skills class and hope to find a counselor for the child through that program.
Father and mother are 200 miles away from each other. Moms mom is the supervisor, she called and said that she would make mom take a test on fridays before p/u and if she failed she would not come thus leaving mom with no supervisor so no visitation. (We have had many problems with moms mom in the past but does seem concerned and will not allow harm to come to the child)
Chances of mom cleaning up? Probably real minimal. It is a very small town and shy of leaving I don't know how she will avoid the issue in order to recover.
The judge did not say that my fiance has a right to the results or that the visitation is dependent on a clean test. Should he just call? Is there something you can file to ask for clarification that would not require going to COurt? (Only b/c Court is 200 miles away and these seem like issues if asked the judge could answer.) Then if either party doesn't like the answers appeal? Its probably not that simple.

We have been looking into a little dance/cheer class that is through boys and girls club (also where her charter school is) she has wanted to join but we could never commit before b/c of the week on week off and my fiance has really wanted to get back into church also something that fell by the wayside for traveling every sunday.

Thank you everyone for all your suggestions and I will keep you posted.

[futurestep-mom_AZ]

>
>--Judge also said if she had clean tests for 6 months he would
>seriosly consider restoring things to the way they were. What
>is this?--
>
>It's called gender bias against fathers.  
>
>Why in the world would the judge even consider giving this
>drugged out mother sole custody again in 6 months?  It
>astounds me.  Especially since the woman was so stupid to show
>up to court with drugs in her system.


I feel the same way. Seriously my fiance, myself and future mother in law were there and all walked out feeling like the judge felt he was forced to appoint a "babysitter" for a couple months until poor, sweet, blameless and down trotten by the big bad ex husband mom got a chance to get back up on her feet.

It is sick. We are the type of family that will fight to the end if necessary. Appeal after appeal after appeal. I know I shouldn't worry about 5 months from now, but its not like make no payments for 5 months it this little girls safety and our family unit. I am trying to convince myself that the judge said it to give her hope to get her to work harder but thats not the taste it left.

[joni]

is it possible to have BM followed and catch her purchasing?  by law, the PI will call the police when they witness an illegal act.