cooperating with ex is making me nuts!

[littlebit]

Court date is in January for change of custody from BM to me, & contempt against BM.

BM requested that we change our visitation three times in the last two months to better suit her schedule.  As always, I agreed each time.  We have been communicating via e-mail, and she has been very cordial...until now.

Last week I requested of her to make changes due to my schedule.  She was obviously put-off, and when I would not give her specific reasons for the change, she did not reply back, until today.  And of course she will not do it.  

She went on to say that she conferred with her attorney who thinks she should stick to the current court order.  And furthermore, any more requests I have should be directed through our attorneys.  And, get this!...she made sure to say that she would still be picking up son early this weekend as I had previously agreed to!  WTF?!

I'm so sick of this!  

I would like some input on what to do:

1) Respond with "OK, court order it is, no early pickup"
2) Respond with my disappointment / disgust of her lack of cooperation
3) Make no response, and allow the early pickup as agreed.
4) Make no response, and stick to the court ordered time of pickup.
5) Something else that my madness clouds my view of right now

Tnaks for the help,
LittleBit's Dad

[Kitty C.]

I prefer #1...it's a taste of her own medicine.  NO ONE can fault you for following the CO.  But you have the times that YOU were willing to compromise for HER requests documented, right?  Stick to the CO until the hearing, if that's the way she wants to be.

BTW, I take it she never said and you never asked why SHE wanted to deviate from the CO'd visitation schedule previously, right?  Then she has NO business asking you what you're doing, either.  She can't dictate what you do with the kids on your time anymore than you can dictate her time.

[jilly]

Tell her since her attorney has advised her that she should stick to the court order that's exactly what you'll do so don't bother picking him up early. You have the right to revoke your consent.

I would remind her of your cooperation in the last two months to accomodate her schedule and now you're asking her to reciprocate. State the specific dates and times this occured.

I would put all of this in an e-mail to her with cc to the attorneys.

[skye]

Dear PBFH, ( liitlebits ex: )


You have requested that we change our visitation three times in the last two months to better suit your schedule. As always, I agreed each time.

Last week I requested of you to make changes due to my schedule.  You did not reply back, until today. And you have refused as you now feel we should go by the court order to the letter to insure that we do that on both sides, You will not be abls to pick up child early , you can pick child up at regular scheduled time per the courts order.

 furthermore you stated that any more requests I have should be directed through our attorneys,, I assume you will be following this new "rule" as well

Have a blessed day
Littlebit

[littlebit]

She volunteered the details of why she wanted to change schedule.  When I later asked son in passing "Did you have fun at XXXX?", he looked at me like I had a carrot growing from my nose: "We didn't go to XXXX, we never do that anymore."  

And I suspect that applies to all of her reasons.

Only thing that worries me, is I don't want it to look to the courts like I'm playing tit-for-tat with PBFH when my child is involved.  Or... is this such a small issue in the grand scheme of things, that it will never come up again.

[littlebit]

I didn't think to CC attorneys.  Good idea.

I have serious doubts about whether she even spoke to her attorney, because of all the lying and scheming she's already done.  And besides, how realistic does it sound that an attorney would recommend for thier client to not cooperate with and stop communicating to thier child's parent?

[All of us are family]

>Tell her since her attorney has advised her that she should
>stick to the court order that's exactly what you'll do so
>don't bother picking him up early. You have the right to
>revoke your consent.
>
>I would remind her of your cooperation in the last two months
>to accomodate her schedule and now you're asking her to
>reciprocate. State the specific dates and times this occured.
>
Not sure if I agree with this. You might want to ask your attorney if it would be establishing a pattern of you allowing her extra time/early pickup, and now because she is not allowing time for your deviation, you are retaliating because of her denial.
I think that the best thing to do is to let her know why you want the deviation. Remember, the right to consent to a deviation of residential time works both ways. You shouldn't just expect her to agree to a deviation just because you have in the past.
If you tell her the reason for the deviation, it would definately show on your side that you are being flexible and attempting to keep the lines of communication open with her.
Even though it obviously rubs you the wrong way that she's refusing your deviation based on lack of information from you, if you told her the reason, and she STILL refused the deviation, then you'd be able to show that (1) you were being flexible in the past (2) she requested information from you, which you gave to keep the lines of communication open between the two of you and (3) even though you showed flexibility in the past, AND supplied her with the info she requested she was STILL unwilling to be flexible (if she still refused the deviation).
A much more powerful argument before a judge. Not to mention, it might just keep your attorney bill lower by cutting out the middle man.

>I would put all of this in an e-mail to her with cc to the
>attorneys.
>
>
This is definately good advice, especially since she's requested it at this time.

[Kitty C.]

But not giving in to her is AGREEING with her stand of following the CO to the letter!  There's NO retaliation, since it was HER sugestion in the first place!  She made her bed, she can now lie in it, IMO!

[KAT]

Oh heck, why bother? She wants to piss you off, it's what fuels her fire. She isn't going to agree & she doesn't want to see. She's as blind & stupid as the rest of them. Keep it short & sweet, my goodness they hate that.

Dear Exhag;

   Thank you for your response. As per the court order dated 01/03/04 paragraph 5 section 2, I will have Little Jimmy available for pickup at 7pm.
 
   Bite me.

   Whooppsss...

   Regards;

   Littlebit

[futurestep-mom_AZ]

kats letter has my vote!!!!!:7

Good luck and I agree it doesn't look like retaliation it looks like you are listening to her requests (which obviously you do more often than she listens to yours). Good luck to you and yours!