School won't notify me of special events such as doughnuts with dads

[shawn]

Under FERPA, I get sent report cards from my sons school as the non-custodial parent. However, they sent a letter from the school attorney saying they will not mail the papers sent in the childs backpack such as event notifications of special days I want to spend with my child. Other than relying on his mother to notify me, how can I legally have this done? I even offered to pay the postage and sent self addressed stamped envelopes.

[MYSONSDAD]

This hit me a little sour that they will not inform you of school events.

If you live in a small populated area, sometimes the local paper will have school events listed. If not, let your son know how important it is that you would like to share these events with him.  Do you know any of the parents who's children go to school with your son? Ask them if they would pass the info along. And then go to every one!

I keep up on things thru the internet. Found the local paper on line.

  'children learn what they live'

[DK]

My SS school has a monthly newletter that goes out the first week of every month.  Perhaps they will send that once a month, or you can arrange to pick one up.  SS school also has a montly calender hanging in office.  You could check for that also.

[lucky]

Does the school have a website that contains a monthly calendar?  Our district has a website and each school maintains their own calendar listing the special events and such on it.  Some of the schools are better at updating them than others.

[wendl]

My ss's are in a new school and they aren't very good at informing dad of things either (and we live about 70 miles away)

So what you could do is call the school every monday to see what the events for the week are, usually they send these home with the kids on fridays.

Maybe they will get tired of hearing from you and do the right thing but sending you the same info they are sending the mom.

[Astro]

I was having exactly the same problem with my son's school/teacher.  In the beginning of the year I wrote to her (teacher) and introduced myself and informed her that I was very active in my son's life but the distance involved made it difficult for me to attend activities, meetings, etc.  I told her that there was a FERPA letter on file in the office and that I would cooperate with her in any way to help better my son's education.  I got no response.  As time went by I wrote to her several more times--all positive and inquiring as to my son's progress--all with no response.

One day I had a flight to the town that he lives in (I'm an EMS pilot) and took the opportunity to visit.  I borrowed a car from the airport and dashed across town to his school, met with the principal (I'd met her before several times and we have a good relationship) very briefly to let her know I only had about 10 minutes and would like to see my son, and she pulled him out of class and I got to see him!!!  I dropped him off at his class but was unable to meet with his teacher because I had to get back to the airport quickly.

I was informed a couple of days later by my son's mother that the teacher had called concerned that I had shown up.  While some may respond that this is what she "should" have done--I don't believe so.  I have had a relationship (albeit limited) with this school for several years and my ex has told them I can have whatever I want from them concerning our son (she has to--long story).  I believe that I, as an NCP, am seen by this teacher as the bad guy.  Frankly this just pisses me off.  So I said so....

On my next visitation with my son I arrived early at the school to pick him up and have a meeting with the principal.  Basically I told her about the communication problems and the fact that the teacher was not cooperating at all with me.  I told her that I was not a criminal, that I refused to be treated as such, and that the only thing I wanted was some cooperation so I could help my son.  Frankly this pissed her off.  To her credit.  She immediately called the teacher (she was unavailable) and asked me to forward to her all the correspondence that I'd attempted.  When I got home I forwarded her the introductions and detailed observations I'd made concerning my son's reading problems, etc.  Within a month I started receiving at least some responses from his teacher.  The SASE's I'd sent in the beginning of the year started to get used--only report cards but it was a start.  Her responses became a little more detailed as though she might have actually read what I wrote.

As of today I have had my son in my "custody" now for 10 days--he is at least finishing out the school year here with me.  One of my big decisions when he got here was whether to hold him back (see "Sea of Change" post below for more detail).  Ironically the same concerns that I wrote to his teacher about were exactly the same concerns that she communicated to his new teacher here.  I'd have never known that directly from her--but then again maybe I would have because the tide was beginning to turn.

Soooo, the moral of my story is perhaps to suggest going to the school and becoming involved.  If you live in the same place this is much easier--my situation (210 miles) didn't make it so.  Meet with the principal and be nice, positive, and direct.  Let them get used to seeing you and volunteer for some activities.  Be charming.  Let them like you.  It may get you the information you need and more importantly more time to be with your son.  :D

[gipsy]

I just go to the school for pick up any way and then I get a schedule , they usually last for like a month and I just pick it up ; there isn't that many events , soI just copy them into mY little pocket schedule,

[MixedBag]

My biggest question is how far away are you from the school?

You have a PM wit the rest of my advice.

[shawn]

Thank you all for your help. Distance is an issue, but we will see what happens.

[Raven6]

We went through this crap too with my husband's kid's schools. It didn't help that bm went to the school and told them that  They were to give NO info to me (the stepmom). They fought my husband about him getting info. Being the determined little thing that I am, I just kept calling and telling them that my husband wants this and my husband wants that. Keep track of all the times that you request info from them and then head off to an attorney. Give him the list of times that you requested info from the school and have him draft a letter to the school stating that you want notification of special events. This of course is a last resort. Try contacting the teacher and the pricincipal and then the superintendant of the school district.  I just don't understand these schools. They don't want to get involved and yet when a parent tries to stay involved they don't want to cooperate or expend a little extra effort to keep both parents involved. Apparently they don't know that it is better for a child to have both parents involved in their life. Good luck