Old letters coming back to haunt

[onedaddy]

Custody trial begins Tuesday.  BM has 2 contempt orders and one pending.  Throughout trial she has denied visitation stating skids are sick which we proved untrue, denied phone contact on 40 occasions in 7 months; we kept records.  BM had DH falsely arrested 2x, and we proved the last one in court. GAL is on our side, forensics evaluator said BM was unstable sociopathic, psychopathic, Anti Social and Borderline and coached the skids......; BM moved the skids 6 times in 2 years each time further and further awya from their father and every family memeber, last move on the eve of this trial just 2 months ago without any consult with DH , mind you this is their 5th school. SF is a 4 time married, convicted felon who spent many years in a state faciltiy for arson, domestic violence, assault, assault with a weapon....

We have tons of proof including phone records, phone conversations, letters, doctors records, prison records......

BM is bringing up a stupid letter DH wrote BM's sister 5 years ago after he found a phone number with BM's new husband's phone number on it.  It was extremely idiotic and shameful.  He states he wants the sis and smokes pot, untrue.  BM and her family showed this letter to DH's parents, sister in law, aunt, cousins, neighbors and mutual friends- everyone still talks to DH noone to BM, threatened to post it on a billboard and constantly threatens to show the skids this when they reach an appropriate age.  This was not brought out during the divorce and they separated a year after the letter was written.
She is also bringing up a letter he wrote after she filed divorce where he states he has OCD (no doctor ever disgnosed him with this), just BM because he is clean and he is sorry for the way he treated her and the kids and wants to change to make her happy.  It is a desperate letter from a man who viewed divorce as failure, who is the only family member to have a divorce even though his family told him to divorce BM for years and years.

I know this affects his character, but how much?

[shawneetears]

IF it is brought out in court just be prepared to explain the letter, be agreeable to any suggestion of impromptu drug testing; wanting someone and acting on it are two different things, if DH is ashamed of writing such a letter then he should show it appropriately, main thing is DO NOT hide anything......  but unless it gets brough up don't volunteer.
Yes, it may affect his character but IMHO it shows a person is human rather than perfect...    OCD is not a problem as long as it doesn't interfere in his life or the children's lives...
You may want to focus on DH being able to provide a stable environment for the children.
Try not to fret too much...lol..ok easier said than done I know... but don't make issues of things that really shouldn't have much affect.
5 years ago is 5 years ago, timing is everything.... ok,he wrote some letters but what have his actions shown?  What have her actions shown...keep the focus where it needs be, just be prepared to answer some tough questions.

wish you all the best life has to offer!  :)

[hagatha]

One,

If and when these letter come into play at the hearing, Your attorney should object to the introduction of evidence that was available at the time of the divorce. The only things relvant at the hearing are actions made AFTER the last hearing.

So, first is to object to the introduction of the letters. And if necessary explain very briefly those were written such a long time ago and husband has grown as a person and now has a wonderful family support system that did not exist during that time.

I wouldn't worry too much. I doubt the judge will even bother to read anything written 5 yrs ago.

The Witch
Remember . . . KARMA is a Wonderful Thing!!!!!

[onedaddy]

The thing is DH wrote this letter after he found BM 's new husbands phone number in her pocket.  He never acted on anything. In fact, they separated an entire year after this letter was written and this sis came over on a regular basis.  
The OCD he spoke about in the second letter was diagnosed by BM, he was desperate that he was losing his family and promised to get help for a disorder she thought he had.  We have a counselor he has been seeing for 2 years, who will testify that he does not have such a disorder.  Every other doctor just wrote in their notes that he said he was diagnosed with it.
He took a drug test a few months ago and offered to do any testing that would go back forever, as he has never so much as touched a cigarette or gotten drunk let alone smoked pot.  Everyone thinks it's unusual so he wrote it to impress her.
I can't imagine these letter could hurt him considering the forensics evaluator and law guardian had copies of them and DH still came out ahead
The things is I'm a little bothered/hurt by these letters.  I understand that we didn't even know each other at this time but it bothers the sh** out of me.  I really have no right, I mean I've certainly done worse things than this in my past, fortunately for me my past has been kept there. I also feel terrible for DH that every member of his family, neighbors, mutually friends, an ex-girlfriend and now his wife have seen this letter.  He's been threatened/blackmailed that BM will show it to the kids.  Who hurt could she have been by these letter to parade them around.

I guess if this is the worst thing he's ever done, than he's not a bad guy.

[dipper]

As someone stated before, these letters are not supposed to be admissable.  When my dh went to court in June - he didnt have a lawyer and this was days before we married - her lawyer brought up past marijuana use by him.  When we told the lawyer this last week, she told us that it should not have been brought up because it was prior to the then existing court order.  The only thing relevant is what has happened since the last court order.

As for your feelings, I understand.  I am no saint.  Yet, talking about dh's prior marijuana use bothers me at times.  There are other things as well.  His ex moved in next door to him, that is how they met.  They and their buddies set around that very night smoking pot (all of them) and he and she wound up in bed together.  Within weeks she was living with him and pregnant.  That is just so different from me.....but, as I say, I am no saint.  The man I know now is a wonderful person with a heart of gold.  He doesnt drink, doesnt smoke anything.....completely devoted to family and church.  

Yes, those letters prove something - that your husband was at a very weak point in his life and everything around him was unraveling.  I would check in to see if there is anything that can be done legally against her for flashing these around after so many years..........

[shawneetears]

I understand that this bothers you but you have to keep in mind....DH is not the same person that wrote those letters.  Your feelings are something you alone must deal with, but at the very least discuss your concerns with him...keep the lines of communication wide open between you.  And ask yourself some hard questions....why does this bother you?  As for it not concerning you....sure it does...but that doesn't mean you have to let it have a negative impact.

As for court.....  first, if you do not have an attorney....  you can send a letter to her attorney requesting any documents to be presented in court....  then if the letters are not included... the minute someone mentions letters in court, you raise an objection and request to see the letters in question, let the judge know that you asked for anything to be presented and you were not given a chance to review them.....  worst the judge can do is overrule .... if they are the ones you suspect the objection is that they are not relevent as they were written prior to the last court appearance again the worst case you are overruled and the letters are admitted....(soc may give you the best adivce on how to phrase an objectioon)  If that doesn't work you just be sure you have evidence that will show how much DH has grown as a person and thus how irrelivent those letters are to the care of the children. I am hoping you have an attorney to do all that for you but I do know how expensive they are.

As for the children.....I cannot recall the ages of the children but I though you had said they were fairly young.   Look, this woman's threat only has meaning if you let it... I am not at all saying you should not be concerned but force yourself to be objective for a moment..... ok, worst case she does show the children...then what?  Don't you think the children will want to know more....that they will ask questions?  Just be ready to answer those questions.  Not that DH should scoff and dare this woman to do this but know that generally speaking, when someone plays games like that they tend to backfire.....  If the children ask questions, the best policy is (1) be honest; admit to being human  and (2)  don't tell them more than they need to know to answer the question  ( ie if a six year old asks you where babies come from don't give them a dissertation on mitosis, meiosis and embryonic development----  the mommy and daddy make love the baby grows in mommy's belly and when the baby is ready they go to the hospital, mommy has the baby and they come home...the end..... that's really all the want to know)

Things will play out one way or another and you just need to be ready to meet the challenge.  It is hard to say what will sway a judge but from what I have seen and experienced, it is going to take something more compelling than those two letters and certainly something more current than something written 5 years ago or something written in a desperate attempt at reconsiliation.  I would be more concerned with your reaction to the letters and how it is having an impact on things.  >:D<

wish you all the best life has to offer!  :)

[onedaddy]

It has been a couple of days and I think I'm past the letters.

Unfortunately as this is a custody trial everything is admissable.
The trial began yesterday and BM's actions were all out there. A terrible day for here that I will put in another post.
The judge has the letter but she would not allow testimony to it as she said she will read it herself and come up with her own outcome.

Everyone is so supportive.

Thank you