Custodial Parent's right to say "No" to Non-Custodial Parent

[jolawanda]

what type of epilepsy does he have?

Because epilepsy does NOT make a child *special needs*. Epilepsy does NOT interfere with teaching routine and discipline.

That is the reason I would like to know what type? How old is he? I might have missed that.

[Darryl]

>Holy crap, I'm not your ex-wife!


Ummmmmmm.......... Sorry, I get carried away sometimes when I am reminded of my ordeal with my "one-night-stand" ex-from-hell, who is "ENTITLED TO EVERYTHING YOU GOT M.F.!"  "Just pay the money and shut up!!!!"


Actually, on a lighter note, can't you just try and work together. If it is his parenting time per the court order, he should have it. To deny it is only fostering hate and resentment that will only grow worse over the years. Put yourself in his shoes. How would you like to be reduced to a 'VISITOR' in your childrens lives? To realize that your opinions no longer count, etc.........

[wendl]

Hun all I am saying is for your child to miss pre school is not really that big of a deal if this is during dads court ordered visitation time. Like a NCP they have no control over what you decide to do with your child just like you have no decision over what the other parent does during their time.

I think at times us mothers over think a lot of things in what we feel is in our childrends best interest and let our emotions run wild, it sounds like you are willing to work with dad and that is great.

SO basically if dad doesn't take the child to school during his visitation time that is his choice, ya you could go to court and try to file something against him but then you will end up being in court over and over again.

I also think that at times of holidays when people are responding to posts they may not be totally thinking clearly as they may have been denied their chidlren this year, so please don't read into it to much what some posters may write, some are probably responding to the hurt they are feeling during the holidays due to not being able to spend the holidays with their children.

:)


**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[backwardsbike]

Hi!

I just read all of these posts.  I guess we kinda put you through the mill here a little bit, didn't we.  LOL.   Few things arouse emotions around here more than "parenting time".

I am a nCP mom.  I probably have one of the more convoluted stories here.  I was a 50-50 mom for one year and ten months until CP decided my home was unsafe.  Not that he needed any evidence to do this.  Anyway that is a whole other post.

As to your question:  put yourself in your son's position.  That is what I always do when these things come up.  I tend to do this even as the NCP with a very minimal amout of time.  I just cannot bear to see my kids miss opportunities.  Their dad has way more $$ than I do.  He also has liberal vacation time etc, etc.  I have always allowed the special trips to take place.

Please note that I am the NCP so my methods are not the way to "win".  But I do have happy kids and when I look at the woman who looks back at me each morning from the mirror I can honestly say that I respect her.  I feel I have done what is in the "best interest of the children" at least 97% of the time during this custody mess.

Now for your concerns about routiens and the importance of school.  They are valid.  But it is preschool.  Sometimes a child learns in ways in which we do not expect.  On a trip like this he could learn how great it feels to spend time with his dad.  He could learn how good it feels when his parents cooperate.  He could learn a lot of things from going to Epcot.  Their minds are like little sponges.  They soak it all in.  Consider it a field trip.  You may think about going back to court for clarification if this happens a lot.  You could possibly have something added to your order about not taking the child out of school but I wouldn't do it if it is just this once.  Did the dad say why he didn't use the holiday vacation time?  Keeping the lines of communication between the two of you open will benefit your child in the long run.  It is easier said than done but do try not to be judgemental.

Good luck to all of you.  No role in this scenario is easy.  Not the CP's role, not the NCP's role not the step-parent's role and definitly not the child's role.  But the rest are all adults and should have better coping skills so I always try to make things as easy as possible for the kids.

[Skooter95]

I totally agree with the previous poster. I am also a NCP mom and have our daughter about 40% of the time.  It is very hard to let those feelings go for your ex who also has more money than me but I have always encouraged the vacations/trips for our daughter.   I know that you think that pre-k is important but its not really THAT important to miss a couple of days.  
In fact, my ex husband who has primary custody wanted to take our daughter on a cruise during my scheduled visitation which also meant she would miss a week of school and also would miss a mandatory county test. I wasn't too happy about her missing school or the testing, BUT, I knew she would want to go and she was able to make up the testing so everything worked out.  We swapped time and I allowed her to go with her dad and stepmom and their children.  Its all about working together and communication. You have to sit back and think, is it really worth arguing over???  Won't the child have fun? Sure he will.

[KAT]

Lady your kid doesn't care what the court order says or about missing a few days of PRE SCHOOL all he cares about it spending time with his DAD. You can put school & the court order aside if you have a heart. Is power tripping to you is more important the your child having fun with his DAD. His DADDY. The man that was good enough at one time to procreat with...sheezzz. Is this the hill you want to die on? Of course not.
If you are looking for justification you aren't going to find it here.
KAT

[Kitty C.]

I am a BM and SM, and DS's father lived 1800 miles away.  I have taken him out of school, either at the end of the school year or near Christmas vacation, so that he could be with his dad.  Oftentimes it was either because of travel costs or weather that added those days.  And I'd do it again in a heartbeat, if it meant DS could spend time with his dad.  You see, his father died of cancer 2 1/2 years ago while DS was spending the summer with him.  And DS is now in HS.

For your son to miss a few days of pre-school is a drop in the bucket.  And routine is an illusion.  DS is severely ADHD and if routine and stability is paramount for any child, it certainly is with him.  Achieving it is a pipe dream.  It's impossible.  Because LIFE gets in the way.

On the other side, my SS lives ONLY 2 blocks away and is on vacation as well.  DH has asked to have him an extra day this Friday (picking him up Thurs. night), since it is our weekend to have him.  But I swear I'll have a heart attack if the PBFH says yes.  We're THIS close, THIS available, and it's ONLY one day.  But because she doesn't see it as in the best interest of her son, but giving an extra day to DH, she will more than likely say no.  It has and always will be a control issue with her, as it is with many PBFH's mentioned here on these boards.

Put the control issues and feelings against your ex aside, consider the child's age and the 'neccessity' for him to be in pre-school compared to the importance of building the father-child relationship and you will have your answer................

[Lawmoe]

If it is not specifically provide for in your order, you are within your rights to say "no"

If he wants to take it to court, he can. It will be too late and the court would likely side wth you.  

[smtotwo]

First, as the mother of an epileptic child, and having epilepsy myself, routine and schedules DO NOT in any play a part in whether he will suffer seizures.

My concern WOULD BE, however that overstimulation, and epcot could be very overstimulating, could cause seizures. I was specifically told that video games, strobe lights, and headlights flashing or coming towards the car at night could trigger seizures in both myself and my son.

My son did go with his dad 3 times to disney world and never suffered adverse effects from the trip.

Now, I'll try to be diplomatic about this so please don't take offense.
Private pre-school is not a necessity.  Even if he were to pay support, more than likely this wouldn't be covered.  My youngest son has C.P.
and he still spends at least eow with his dad. And he has missed some school so the visits could take place.

Please for the sake of your son allow this visit.  Nothing can take the place of the bioparent, no matter how much we may try.

And I say "we" because as the cp of all 4 of my kids, I wasn't always acting in their best interest because of my own anger.
Then I met DH and saw what he was going through and have really done a turn around on the last 6 yrs.

[smtotwo]

over the top!!   YIKES!!!