Another Mediation question

[backwardsbike]

I have been following Lovebug's thread with respect to mediation.  I went through the process twice in PA.  The first mediator was a MFT.  She routinely saw the kids and often asked them what they wanted with regard to the issues.  We initally resolved a lot of stuff.  Then ex got a new woman in his life and started to reneg on agreements.  There was no penaty for this and he did it often.

The second mediator never revealed what her training was.  This medaition seems very "underhanded"  She often tried to coerce us into all kinds of agreements.  I was the more cooperative party and her MO seemed to be to continually try to get me to give more and more.  In the begining she asked to be provided with a copy of the current custody order only.  When we finished the session I noticed that in her stack of papers that the ex had provided her the original custody eval.  The eval was totally against me.  In fact I had to get a psych eval to porve to the judge that I am not crazy ( If anyone's interested. I actaully am sane even if I don't feel like it some days),  The report was also totally favorable to the ex.  I confronted her about having a copy of that report and she rather defensively informed me that she did have it but would not read it ( I never for an instant believed her).  I complained to my attorney abou this and she told me taht this mediator was in a position to help me and was "very close to the court".

Out of that mediation I did suceed in keeping my son in aan excellent Charter school for a final year.  Other than that I do not believe anything else got settled.  My ex admitted shooting a .22 rifel from his living room chair out his sliding glass door.  I tried to get him to promise not to do this again but he stated, " I'm not putting anything in writng that will make me look bad."

This mediator often made me feel inferior.  in one session she apologized to ex for his having to take time out of his busy schedule to attend the mediation for an issue that was my concern that he refused to discuss with me outside of medistion.  It was a legal custody decison ( we have 50-50 legal) and he had made the decision on his own and without sonsulting me.

In the end because we didn't agree about the shool we went to court.  Thre mediator would only say, "The parties were unable to agree".  She told the judge she felt that mediation could work for us on other issues.

Questions:  

1. Was it proper of her to have that first custody eval and not disclose it?

2.  2. How sucessful do paties have to be for a mediator to recommend they continue in mediation?  My ex had agreed to zip. ziltch, nada.

3.Is there any type of commission I could have complained to regarding the mediators unequal teatment of us?

[Lawmoe]

Every mediator has a different style. Some come on strong and can appear tobully. That is just their style and although I don't find it effective or appropriate, there is nothing ethically wrong with it.


1. Was it proper of her to have that first custody eval and not disclose it?

In most mediations, I ask the parties to fill out a questionnaire refgaring their issues and their position on the case. Sometimes , when those are returned, they are accompanied by unsolicited documents.  I generally do not read them and return them at the outset of the mediation.  If your mediator did not read teh documents (which is possible and likely) then there was no need to disclose it.  Even if she/he had read it, it really does not affect how the mediation proceeds.  Nothing gets accomplished in a mediation if the parties do not agree.

2.  How sucessful do paties have to be for a mediator to recommend they continue in mediation? My ex had agreed to zip. ziltch, nada.

There is no answer to thise question.  It varies from cases to case. Some cases have immediate results. Some have slow progressing results. Some have no results and then in the future , after several mediations, the walls crumble and every one is ready to negotiate. It is the call of the mediator and the participants.  

3.Is there any type of commission I could have complained to regarding the mediators unequal teatment of us?

No. None that I am aware of.