looking for the best way to handle this..

[richiejay]

Brief synopsis...BM voluntary tries to move out of state because she knows the best way to get back at me is taking my boy away (this was 1999 and boy was then 5).   After trial is over and I'm awarded custody...BM from day one makes Son feel guilty for not living there. ("Mommy is sooo sad when you are not here"..etc).  Since then there have been 4 occasions she has tried to re=open the whole sha-bang with every little blip in this boys life (mis-behaving at school..).  EVERY time it is shot down by the judge (I am remarried with a 2 year old and another on the way--God bless my new wife).  BM gets divorced from husband #2 and is now engaged to be married again.  The whole time the guilt trip on the boy.  The straw that broke the camel's back was that we punished boy for mis-behaing (sent to his room for a few hours) and he cries to BM that he doesn't want to live here anymore, gonna run away, etc (all this while he was still angry).  The kicker is that she has told him "I tried to get you to live with me several times but the courts wouldn't let me".  Why would  one say this to a 10 year old??!!  My guess is that I'll be going to court on the new tack that she believes he wants to live with her. (in actuality take him from his siblings and time with me would be next to nothing as I work weekends.  Opinions, please...what should I do?  I feel as though it will never end with this woman.  I just want to let him be a kid, yet all I do is damage control without trying to trash his mother...

[BlendedFamily]

I understand exactly what you are going through with the bashing from the other parent.. in my case it's my Ex-H.

Please take e'thing that I say just as an opinion because we have a 11yo & 8yo together and I understand.

(The kicker is that she has told him "I tried to get you to live with me several times but the courts wouldn't let me". Why would one say this to a 10 year old??!!)

--This is just a remark and under some guidelines can be construde as a form of Parent Alienation.  The BM has no other way to try to convince your 10yo that you are the "bad" person for taking him away from her.  Unfortunately she is living in her own guilt of not doing what was in the best interest for your son and she is sorry for it now...but the only way that she can get revenge on you is to lash out at you by the way of your son.

Even though your son is stating that he wants to move back with BM and she takes it to an attorney... a attorney will advise her that he may be too young for a judge to consider his opinions.  Most judges do not want to consider a childs opinion until they are a minimum of 12yo.


(I feel as though it will never end with this woman. I just want to let him be a kid, yet all I do is damage control without trying to trash his mother...)

--Honestly, as my family tells me.  It will never end with your Ex.  You had a child together and you are bonded in that way.  It's such a great thing that your current wife is so supportive.  You are blessed in that aspect just as I am with my current hubby.  Until your son grows up and decides for himself whom he wants to have contact with and whom he doesn't... you will see your Ex in the future... at graduations, wedding... etc.  Just keep saying to yourself that you know in your heart you are doing the best thing for your son.

As far as damage control....trashing a parent is never a good thing... I know that you said "without".  Unfortunately is doesn't sound like the BM believes in that and in return you have to be the responsible one in this situation.  I go through this will our 11yo quite a bit when she is upset at me for disciplining her and sending her to the room and I just explain to her that when you grow up you will thank me for this one day so that you do not become an unruly teenager & adult.  I'm sorry that you feel life is unfair at my house vs. your Dad's house but right now you are with me and you have to stick with my rules.

Sorry this post was so long and I hope it helps.

[richiejay]

Thanks for the reply...In my heart I know I'm doing the right thing....but sometimes the frustration level gets to be excessive..and just when I think she can't pull anymore crap...she does.  Good luck to and yours...