How to get full custody and have wife adopt

[fatherof2]

Hello,

I would like to obtain full custody of my children and have my wife adopt them as well and we don't know how to go about it as funds are limited.  The background is that I was married to the children's mother and when the youngest child was 1.5 I left her and took the children with me to Washington state (we had been residing in Florida- that is also where we were married).  I had the children for about 6 months before she decided she wanted them back and hired an attorney.  She won custody with visitation from me.  The children went back to Florida where she has had several run ins with the law (we have the police reports- theft, arson, spousal abuse) and she has been married twice and has at least 2 other children with different men.  Just over 6 years ago she found out I was getting remarried and sent the children here to "visit" 3 weeks before the wedding.  She had sporadic contact with the children the first 4 or 5 months the children were here, then we didn't hear from her for 4 months- her phone was disconnected and we couldn't find a new number for her.  She called out of the blue one day and told the kids they would be coming to visit her during the summer.  We filed for full custody at that time in Florida, but didn't hear from her until the day of our phone mediation.  She agreed to give us full custody with 2 weeks of summer, every other Christmas and Spring Break.  She never signed the agreement and we never heard from her again.  So, basically she talked to them sporadically the first 5 months they were here, then twice the next 6 months, and we haven't heard from her in over 5 years.  My wife wants to legally adopt the children, I want full/sole custody and her rights terminated.  Funds are limited as we both stopped our schooling due to the children's arrival   My wife is no going to school part time while working part time since the children are old enough for her to do that (12 and 14), but we still don't have a lot of disposable income to spend on fees and we were told that we will still have to get her to sign off in order for my wife to adopt them.

Any and all advice is appreciated!

Thanks for reading my sordid story,

J

[janM]

Check the State Resource link here to see what the criteria is for terminating rights. In many states if there is NO contact, CS paid, etc. for over a year, rights can be terminated. If you have no address to serve her, you may need to publish in the paper where she last resided, if you even know that.

Check with your local courthouse as well, they may have forms you can fill out. Do you actually have custody, was that ever changed on paper? You may need to sort that out first. You can probably get a consult with a lawyer for free or a small fee.

Good luck and keep us posted.

[fatherof2]

The last address we have for her is over 5 years old, we have no idea where she is now (we have not moved or changed numbers since the children have lived with us).  The custody was not changed, just the joint custody we had at the time of divorce, since she never signed the paperwork after our mediation in fall of 1999.  
I really want this to be done without getting her involved in their lives again, she is not stable, the children are doing great (we all had therapy after they came and they had some on their own as well for about the first 18 months they were here just to help them deal with the sudden change, but they never had any problems), and when she did have contact with them she would try to stir things up and create problems and we would really like to avoid that if at all possible.

Thanks for your advice, we will look into the state resources.  Do you have any idea if we have to go through Florida or our state since they have lived here coninually for the past 6 years?

Thanks again,

J

[Kimberly9]

I wouldn't risk stirring the pot and bringing the kids back into her life.  It could get very messy and expensive.  You sound like things are stable now.  I don't know if you woudl be gaining that much.

[wendl]

What county in WA State do you live in????

Let me know I may have an attorney for you who you should be able to afford depending on your county.


Be carefull, some county courts in WA are not father friendly and it will make a difference whether you have a good attorney or not.



**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[BlendedFamily]

Because the orginal CO was filed in FL... you would have to get the CO transferred to WA.  Even though funds are limited, IMO, I wouldn't do this without an attorney.

I agree with the last post.... sometimes things are better left alone unless she does decide to try to come back into their lives, then I would seek the legalities from it.

[fatherof2]

Thanks for all your advice, we just worry about what would happen if something happens to me.   Maybe we will just leave it alone for now though.  What about when the kids are older, do you know if at that time adoption would be an option?  The kids have both mentioned they would like that, as would my wife.  They understand it is just a paper thing, but it would make them all feel better I think.

J

[BlendedFamily]

At the age of 18 (or whenever your state constitues them as a legal adult.)

My mother-in-law was adopted by her step-father when she turned 18.

Good Luck!

[jilly]

Hi,

I don't know if this is a viable option for you but what about appointing your wife (the kids stepmother) as their legal guardian in the event of your death while they are still minors?  In the event something should happen to both of you you would need to have an alternate guardian for the children.  If you haven't already done so, you and your wife need to have Powers of Attorney and Wills done.  Unless you've got a huge estate with tons of assests it shouldn't cost too much to have an attorney draft these documents for you.  You can also purchase software that will do these documents for you specific to your State.  If you go this route, I'd have an attorney go over them just to make sure you've got your bases covered.

Good luck to you and your family.

[Lawmoe]

Unfortunately,it is not a simple process. Courts view parental rights as a very important right and are relucatant to terminate them unless there is some serious endangerment issues and only then after efforts have been made to repair the relationship.  

Each state has their own laws on the subject.  In most states, abandonment is a basis to terminate parental rights. However, the time limit to establish abandonment vaires with one year of no contact being an average amount of timne to establish a reasoanble case.

You would have trouble doing this without an agreement of theother parent or without an attorney.