The Decision Is In:

[Stepmom0418]

It is NOT what we had prayed for. BM keeps physical custody. There are explicid statements in the CO that say if the school issues continue the judge will reverse custody to DH. The judge did find BM guilty of 6 counts of contempt and awarded make up time. (in addition to regular visitation DH gets Memorial Day weekend, Labor Day weekend, and 1 extra week this summer due to the contempt on the visitation denial)

The CO is VERY detailed and is VERY FAIR!! DH and I are ok with the decision and can live with it as long as BM follows it and SS goes to school like he should.

Odd years DH gets

alternate spring break but DH gets 2005

we get easter from friday at 8 till sunday at 8

fourth of july from the 3rd till the 5th

thanksgiving from wednesday at 8 till sunday at 8

christmas eve day from 9am to 7pm

plus this year we also get memorial day weekend and labor day weekend for make up

plus 2 two week segments (4 weeks total) in the summer and this year we get an aditional week for make up

phone contact is in the order. Says both parents are intitled to phone contact which we have never had

also he got joint legal and EVERY single detail of what joint legal means is outlined in the order

he also got Every fathers day

1/2 of every winter break


Even Years DH gets....

Memorial Day weekend from Friday at 8 till Monday at 8,

Labor Day from Friday at 8 till Monday at 8

Christmas Day from 9am till 7pm.

So due to BM's denial of visits she only gets one Holiday this year which is Christmas Day.

Also all court costs were split in half.

 Also BM has to pay her OWN attorney. She wanted DH to pay half of her attorney fees because DH had a free legal clinc that represented him and they were claiming that DH's case was frivolus. (LOL)

One other thing is that BM was trying to get more CS and there was NO mention of CS in the order at all.


A few if the statements made by the judge:

The judge says that the court believes that bm's shortcoming can be corrected in the short term. the court by no means endorses her lackadaisical attitude toward SS's school attendance

However the court believes she is commited to improving this issue and is willing to give her the benifit of the doubt at this time
should problems persist in this area the court may well have to revisit this issue; Until then the court is unwilling to make a change in a long standing  care arrangement based on an absentee problem that is correctable.


There was 18 pages for the Co and the opinion.

Thank you to all of those who prayed along with DH and I as well as those who offered advice. Also a special thank you to Onedaddy, KittyC, My4angels Grazer MSD, and last but not least Patton. Everyone of you have been a big part in helping DH and I through this trying time in our lives and you ALL gave me wonderful advise.

I hope everyone dont mind but I do plan on still being a member here and offering advise where I can. I am also pretty sure that in due time Dh will be back in court due to the fact that Bm has proved that she can NOT and will NOT follow the CO. If everyone would please pray that SS stays safe and everything will work out in the end! Again Thank you to everyone here!!

[Troubledmom]

Well may not be the solution you were looking for but hopefully it will help the way things have been.

Pretty cool about this years holidays too :-)

TM

[wendl]

Hun,

I am glad to hear the decision is finally in, it is so hard waiting.

I am glad dh at least got make up and and didn't have to pay for her attorney costs.

Hopefully she will be good with regards to following the court order and not denying dh the make up time.

I am sure you will end up going back to court, seems like these things never end when one parent isn't willing to help facilitate a healthy relationship with the children (if you know what I mean)

:)

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[Stepmom0418]

No it really wasnt the solution we were wanting BUT we can live with it as long as BM corrects the school issues and she doesnt deny DH's time with SS.

I really like it that DH got make up time! I guess on the other end of it I sorta feel sorry for BM cause she only gets one Holiday this whole year BUT she caused that by her denial of visitation and contempt of court.

[Stepmom0418]

I feel like a ton of bricks have been lifted off my shoulders since the decision came in. The waiting has been killing us.

If BM starts to deny Dh's time again we will do the same as we have been documenting each incident and we WILL file contempts. We will continue to file contempts until she figures out that she dont run this show, the judge does. She has had so much trouble following the CO that it isnt funny.

As for her attorney fees........BM and her attorney we sure of themselves that DH would have to pay her attorney fees. LOL! The judge made a comment about DH having a family of 6 to support and that he may be in a better financial state but the court doesnt feel that with his family and income he should pay her attorney fees.

BM in our case will continue to try and destroy DH's relationship with SS and we wont give up the fight! I do know what you mean about the other parent and fostering a relationship. Boy do I know!!

[MyAngels4]

(((((Stepmom0418)))))
I am glad the judge finally made a decision, but was hoping it would go your way. I am very sorry. It does sound like he did give it lots of thought and that you got alot of make-up time.

Maybe she will be like my ex and not follow thru on the order, then you should be able to go back and try again. Altho for your SS's sake I hope he does get to school when he should be. Did he put in a time limit for her to correct the absentee problem?

It sounds to me like he was even looking out for your Dh's second family, in not making you guys pay her lawyer fees. That is a good sign.
I hope things go better for your DH now.
Please email me if you need to talk.
Myangels4

[kiddosmom]

Glad things went mostly well for you, will keep praying it gets better..

[MYSONSDAD]

I think the Judge is on to her and her games. It sounds like, give her one more chance and she is done.

Glad this mess has finally reached some kind of end, but is it? Keep up all your hard work, continue to document and stay with us here. We can use your wisdom and experience. There would be a very large void not to see you here.

Your SS already knows how much he is loved and wanted. I think it is just a matter of time.

I would be thrilled to hear how you got those contempts to go thru. I have done everything possible. Have to be missing something that works.

Congrats to you and yours, it has been a battle worth fighting....

And now, sit back and enjoy, you did well.  

[Stepmom0418]

MSD,

On the contempts we used the intent to visit form here from Sparc. We sent it certifified return reciept. When the pick up was at her home we had the sherriffs office assist and we got a report from them that we did not get SS for visitation. Then the on the other denied visitation pick up was at a station. When we would get there (about a 1/2 huor before pick up time) we would go into the station and buy a soda and get a reciept. The reciept would have the date, time, and the town the station is in.

For evidence at the trial for the contempts both DH and I testified, we submitted our log of contact which had each time detailed (which we got to refer to to jog our memory about specific dates), we submitted the letters sent certified return reciept, we also submitted the reciept from the postal service with either her or one of her family members signatures on it to prove they recieved it. We also had a few voicemail tapes that we entered with the evidence that had BM swayign that if we didnt do this or that (something not in the co) that we were not going to visit SS. Then the best evidence was that BM testified and was asked about all the denial of visitation and she had no excuss as to why we didnt get the visit. The only thing I can really say is that we filed numerous and I do mean numerous contempts at one time. I feel that alone may have helped us to get the 6 that we got. Still the only consiquence that she got was that we got more visitation. She lost all Holidays for the year except for Xmas Day. That would be painful if I was her but I cant feel too sorry for her because she stripped us of so much visitation over the past year that it isnt funny. I guess what comes around goes around and now the judge is giving her hers. If you have a specific situation and would like my help I am willing to try and assist anyone to get there contempts to hold up. (anyone please feel free to PM me) The biggest thing is to make sure you can document time.

On one of them she had a reciept from the station that had the time of 8:01 on it. We were there and had a reciept with the time of 8:07. She was not there but testified that she was there until 8:30pm. We did not get the contempt on that one.

On the transportation issues BM was supposed to at one point in time pick SS up at our home at the end of our visit. We provided almost all the transportation to and from visits and that was not what was ordered. It doesnt really say much about that issue in the judges opinion BUT he did enter a provision in the co that says that if one party assumes the other parties responsibility for transportation that the party that assumes responsibility can be reimbursed for mileage by using the IRS bussiness mileage calculation. (if anyone knows where i can find this chart......could you please post a link)

MSD I agree that the judge is going to give her one last chance to "fix" the school issues. The funny (yet not so funny) part is that DH got an email from SS's teacher yesterday and SS has missed an additional 5 days since court. But yet BM told Dh last night that SS had been in school for 1 1/2 months straight and hadnt missed not one day. So she is still up to the same old tricks and lies.

[Stepmom0418]

There are still absentee problems even since we went to court. SS missed an additional 5 days in the past month since we were in court. So this quarter he has missed a total of 7 days. The judge didnt put a timelimit but did say the court felt that BM could correct the issue in the "shorterm." I am sure that one day we will be back in court because DH wont stand for SS not being in school.

Thanks myangels4