trying to get custody but lack of proof

[daddyb]

hi i have posted here b4 but it has been a while but if anyone can give suggestion it would be very much appreciated

heres my story:

my wife cheated on me some time ago and is still having an affair with the neighbor upstairs even though she denies it i know it is still going on she spend obscene amounts of time up there with him i get a look at her cell phone once in a while and see text messages between her and him that say stuff like i love you and other things that are more explicet such as "i want to lick you all the way from under "him" all the way up to your belly ect. but that is not the main problem the problem is that my wife soon to be ex. (i filed for the divorce) is very unstable and sometimes violent towards myself and on a few occasions towards the two children that we have 2 boys aged 5 & 8.
      one instance is that the boys were fighting playing like they always do and my older was on top of the younger my wife went into the room and yelled at him to get off when he did not she picked him up and litteraly threw him across the room he hit his head on the edge of the couch and had a lump i did not take him to the doctor because i didnt think it was needed so i have no proof of that incedent however i did call the police on her one night because she went upstairs and i locked the doors then when she came down @5am she started banging on the door she woke my older son up and he let her in then she came to my room and started hitting me and pushing me around the bedsaid i had no right to lock her out then i said "well what were you doing upstairs you whore" then she slapped me and i called the police they came and kicked her out.
 the next day i went and got a TRO and custody for about 3 weeks everything was fine untill i went to court my lawyer was not ready even though i told him that she had gone into the hospital because she tried to commit suicide by overdosing on her boy friends pills they did not subpena the records so again i had no way to prove what i was saying happened so the judge threw out the restraining order ect. oh by the way when she was on the stand her lawyer asked if she ever overdosed she said she took one or two extra pills one time he asked why she said bc she found out that i went out woth another girl(not true i went out with some friends after work one time)i have never cheated on her.
    then i filed for divorce and custody then my wife took all the money for the mortgage on the house so i got way behind almost went into forecloser then when i was at work one day my older tried to use sharp knives to get into a locked file cabinet to get his gameboy (which i had locked up as a punishment for actions in school) he actually used so much force that he broke the tip off one of the knives off inside the lock my wife had no idea it even happened untill i got home and told her then i found out later on that same day that my older son had cooked his own lunch on the stove by himself all while his mother sat on the couch in the other room playing a video game; but again i have no proof that it happened other than the damaged lock on the file cabinet so now the lawyer tells me that i probably will not get custody of my kids bc i do not have enough proof so what to do? i dont know