Whats involved in a Home Study

[TwoBoys]

Anyone able to provide any information on what is involved in a home study?

this is regarding my H's case.  his ex (they were never married) has been fighting visitation and custody for forever now.  They have shared parenting.  

We are waiting on our final hearnig, there is a very vague stipulation in place right now, and all outstanding issues are to be determined at the final hearing - court has reserved jurisdiction on all matters.

She is now saying that her atty is wanting to do a home study on us.  Says she doesnt agree (BS) and that he tells her what to do, she hsa no say so, and if he says he wants to do it hten it will happen.  Its pure BS, and we know it but thats beside the point.

So anyways, fine, we really dont care, but we do want to know waht is involved in a homestudy.  Really, this is probably the best thing that could happen to us.  

What do they do, what do they look at, how should we prepare, etc?

I am the CP of my 6 yr old son, and SS is almost 2.  

Her current issues with us and our home are:  
*We wont give SS a bottle (he now has bottle rot from her giving him one)
*she wants to change his name so its hyphenated with her (verylong) last name
*She doesnt like her son sharing a room with my son (we are in the process of building a 4 br house, so were in a 2 br townhouse right now)
*Before i sold the 3 br house, she had an issue with him sleeping alone
*She doesnt want him to sleep in the dark with the door shut (wants a light on and the door open)
*She wants him only to be given organic soy milk (he has no allergies nor is he lactose intolerant, this is just one of her latest things)
*She wants him only listening to classical music
*She wants him to only have montessori toys
*She wants to eliminate one our week lnog visits (we only get 3 week long visits, which includes our christmas visitation - she moved 8 hours away two days after he filed for visitation).
*she wants him to never be able to ride in the car with any driver that is not approved by her (and right now only her, her family, and my H are considered "approved drivers" - not even me or my Hs parents are "approved " by her)
*At one point she asked we remove all chairs from our house b/c he liked climbing chairs and could hurt himself, and it was "detrimental to his development" if we simply told him "no" or restricted him from doing anything
*he never be told to take a nap or given a set bed time - she claims it is better for his development if HE "chooses" both his nap time and his bed time.

Obviously, this kid runs the show at her house.  We refuse to do any of these things, which is what spurred all the requests for a home study.

So, were glad to oblige, id just like to know whats involved.

thanks!
TwoBoys

[Kitty C.]

This was quite a few years ago, and every state is different, so what I had may not be the same as what you will go thru.

What they will be looking for is how suitable your home is for children.  You need to make sure (if toddlers are involved) that you have safety latches and gates in place.  That you have separate sleeping arrangements for the children.  Make sure your smoke and CO2 detectors are in good running order and I also recommend having one or two fire extinguishers on hand, also.  A fire escape plan ain't a bad idea, either.

You don't need to clean the house like the Housekeeping Nazis would be inspecting it, but maybe like if you were having company.  Too clean makes it look like you're trying too hard, LOL!  But there is one other suggestion I could make.  When I had mine, DS and I were living with my mother.  My mom surprised me and made cinnamon rolls that morning, so when I came home for the afternoon appt., the house smelled WONDERFUL!  Mom then said she had been told that one of the biggest tricks to selling a home is baking something that smells really good, to give the house a really homey feeling.  She figured it couldn't hurt in this situation as well.

The social worker who came to interview me asked questions about our living situation, when I planned to get a place of my own (my estimate ended up being right on target), took a tour of the house to see where everyone's bedrooms were and the other living areas, asked about my work and plans for the future.  I even offered her a cinnamon roll, but she declined.  And we came thru the study with flying colors!

DS's dad's atty. requested the study, then requested the results, but my atty. told the judge we still hadn't received the results of my ex's alcohol evaluation and she asked that we not give up our results until we received theirs. Needless to say, they never did, so their demand for the home study was an effort in futility for them.  I have a hunch that my ex didn't want the results of his eval. to be released to us and the judge didn't demand they give it up to us, tho he did see the results of both himself.  We just didn't get to see how the other turned out.

Bottom line, it's really easy to get stressed out about these studies, but just do what you normally do (maybe with a little more cleaning and vigilance, LOL!) and you'll be fine!

[DecentDad]

I echo everything that Kitty said.

If you're a good parent who has used common sense in not leaving broken glass laying around, in putting poisons out of reach, in not letting mold grow in the bathtub, you'll be fine.

My evaulator concentrated more of his reporting on the actual relationship demonstrated in the home.  He basically described each home in brief terms, and the majority of the rest of the home study report was on how daughter interacted with my wife (stepmom) and I, what we did, comments made, games played, etc.

It's a very awkward thing when someone says, "Pretend I'm not here" but follows you around the house with a clipboard for 90 minutes.

So... we did our normal games, we read our normal books, everything was very normal during his visit.  Everyone was happy, cooperative, playful, calm.  Normal.

In his report, he described how he left biomom's home a bit early because daughter had gone more than 45 minutes in a tantrum, and there was no further reason to stay there (i.e., he was able to describe how biomom handled - or didn't - the tantrum).

I don't know if he felt like he had to balance that with something negative about my home, or what, but after an entirely glowing report of my home, he wrote that at times it felt "scripted"  (like it's possible to script anything with a 3 year old).

My attorney dismissed that comment, asking me if I did stuff during the home visit that we normally do all the time.  I said yes.  He said, of course it seems scripted... that I showed evaluator a glimpse of excellent consistency, structure, and stability for this kid where everyone knows the games, the affectionate gestures, the routine, etc.

So, on my experience, I'd recommend not trying TOO hard to be perfect.

[Troubledmom]

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/homestudy.htm

[TwoBoys]

Thanks,
My only concern right now, and this is even minor, is that we JUST sold my house (3 BR) and moved into a 2BR townhouse for one year while we have our house built (4 BR).  So right now, my son (6 yrs old) and H's son (2 yrs old) share a room while hes here.  They have seperate beds, though.  And this has never ever been a problem since the boys are so close.  In fact, weve been lucky enough that when we put them to bed at the same time, they dont even keep each other up.

But, usually they dont go to bed at the same time so its not a big issue.  Theyre only about 30 minutes apart in their bedtime, but the littlest one is always asleep within 5 minutes and sleeps like a rock!

Im actually anxious to get the home study done.  I want it out of the way.  I want to show her that things are JUST FINE at our house, and no need for concern.

Although one of her biggest issues IS that the 2 yr old shares a room with a 6 yr old, and that we turn the lights off and shut the door for bedtime (she thinks lights should be on and door open - and wonders why he doesnt sleep well there, but then again, she cant get him to sleep on his own either).

But, i think if we could have one done, it would end some of her constant nagging about it and wed finally have a neutral 3rd party saying everyhting is ok.

BTW, Decent Dad - why was yours ordered, and what was the outcome?

TwoBoys...

[DecentDad]

I wouldn't worry about what you just wrote.

Offer to show the evaluator the plans for the new house being built, and offer to show the contract showing targeted completion date.  Should resolve any concern about them sharing a room, though it's not even going to matter.

My full custody evaluation was ordered because we had been going two years with contested custody issues, and judge finally ordered us to go through an evaluation.  Daughter was three and a half at the time.

Ours was more than home study.  It lasted 7 months, including psychological testing, several meetings, in-office observation with child, home observation with child.

The mother was trying for a move-away as well.  We both wanted sole custody.  We both claimed that the other parent was hostile, unstable, etc.  Mother had made some past false allegations about me, with charges dropped by the prosecutor upon concluding they were unfounded.

In his report, the evaluator found us both to be excellent parents.

He reported that the mother has a very small one-bedroom apartment where she and daughter share a bed.  He called the apartment very nice.

He reported that mom had some abnormal paranoia (from her testing), difficulty accepting responsibility for conflicts that she causes, and limited capacity for introspection.  He also called her charming and warm.

He reported that my wife (daughter's stepmom) and I both tested normal on everything.  He noted that I passed a polygraph that I didn't do the allegations mom had accused.  He noted that my profile doesn't match an abuser's profile.

He reported that daughter appears equally bonded with mom and dad, and nearly equal, if not equal, bond with stepmom (been in daughter's life since 2001).

He recommended an immediate slight increase of custodial time to me (roughly 28% to 35%) and a step up to 50/50 two years later (when daughter is 6).

He strongly recommended against a move-away, in that he felt it would be very damaging to the child to lose me (and stepmom) from her life on a regular basis.

I thought he played it safe in his report.  Because he was pretty wishy-washy in his recommendations, many of the on-going problems I emphasized with him weren't addressed.

So... now a year after his report and judgment was entered based upon his recommendations, I'm still going to court on conflicts.

But all we can do is all we can do.

DD

[TwoBoys]

I see.  Well thats reassuring at least.

H's case has been going on since Feb 04 (so over a year now).  I have been in his life since Aug 03 - their son was born in June 03, so he has no recollection of anything before me.  BTW, my H and BM werent together when  i arrived, for the record lol.

Anyways, the issues i mentioned are really the only ones that a homestudy would solve.  She claims H is a pathalogical liar and a sociopath, but of course we think shes psycho.  Shes been on and off of meds, but of course we have no way to prove it and really could care less, we just wish shed stay on them, you can tell a drastic difference between when shes taking them and when shes not.

Psychological testing would be wonderful.  Thats really all that woudl solve the other issues and accusations.  She says were abusive, morally damaging for the child, neglectful, improper parents, and thats just to name a few.  

We really could care less, until she calls the house screaming these things, or leaves dozens of voicemails to that effect.  Its easy to ignore one or two, 12 in a 2 hour span get a little annoying at best.  And of course they only fall on the weekends we have their son.

ANd - she has already moved away.  Im curious as to how they will do a homestudy in that case.  Shes 8 hours away, she moved 2 days after he petitioned for visitation.

I think having two evaluators might make things a little tricky?

TwoBoys...