Staying in touch

[kjunsniper]

How do you stay in touch with your kids when they live 3 states away?

  I'm supposed to have a 30 minute call every night. I get maybe 2minutes 3 nights a week if I'm lucky. And even those phone calls areput on speaker for her audiences to enjoy, and for her to coach thekids for every question I might ask. I can't tell you how many timesI've tried to talk to my 4 year old with my X tickling her. Or tryingto talk to my 11 year old and having the line go dead right when sheask about her baby sister (my 2year old with my new wife). It's veryaggravating that she can get away with this.

Is there a cell phone that I can give my girls, that only receives mynumber and can't dial out any number but mine? It would have to betamper proof so the X couldn't take the sim card out of it. I guess itreally wouldn't matter if there was such a phone. She would still haveto control it somehow.

I know it would be really nice. If the woman could be civil and not usethe kids to play her games. And for the children's sake, not keep themfrom their father. Funny, she cheats, gets caught and the courts giveher all the money, assets and the children and I'm the one paying forit all. Got to love this country. 21 years in service, 3 combat toursto defend a system that left me broke and homeless. GOD BLESS AMERICA

I meanwhat can you do, when you call and call and know one answers. Then thenext day or days, you finally do get a hold of them, and they asked whyyou didn't call? Then find out from them, that there mother tells them  their father didn't call them because he doesn't really love them andhe's to busy with his new family, and nobody loves them like theirmother does.

  Is that not the most evil thing someone could do? How the Floridacourt system let her have them in the first place is beyond me. Sherefuses to work. She collects over half of my income and gets childsupport from another guy for her other child. Not to mention governmenthelp. She makes more a month than I do. And I work 6 days a week. Shecan drop her kids with different family members and run the roads free.She's got it made. Who knew having babies could be a source of income.

<edited by admin to remove MS Word tags>

[Ref]

I hear ya!

DH's ex used to do the same thing when SD was little. She would hang up the phone on him, take the phone off the hook for weeks and out and out refuse to put SD on the phone. When she was really little BM used to turn on cartoons so Dh couldn't compete for her attention.

DH purchased a cell phone for SD when she was 14. About a month after, she took the phone away from SD. Letters were thrown out and gifts were refused. Email was blocked.

One thing that helped and might help you with your older child is getting a toll free number just for your children. You can even make up a "calling card" that they can keep with them that has your toll free number on it with pictures of a pet or favorite cartoon. Tell them that they can call you whenever they want. It is relatively inexpensive to get the toll free number and I think it is one of the best tools to keep communication open.

Keep a record of each phone call you make and whether you got through or not. I wouldn't bring this to court on its own, but if you have to go for other contempt charges or changes in visitation/custody, this would be a valid point to bring up.

You have to get creative and keep trying. It is hard. SD is 17 and a half and still things DH has abandoned her because she didn't have regular contact from him. Even though he has told her, and I think she kinda knows it is true, that he has tried but BM has blocked, she still defends her mom.

Good luck
Ref

[gemini3]

I agree, keep trying.  It's a common problem.

Keep in mind too that your 4 yr old is way too young for more than a "Hi honey, Daddy loves you and misses you, and can't wait until the next time I see you.  Is there anything you want to talk about?"  Even that is a lot for a child that age - talking on the phone is hard for young children.

Your 11 year old is old ebough to talk for longer, but it will be hard for her if she feels like it bothers her mom.  You could try e-mail as a way to stay in touch.

Do you tell them that you called when they ask you?  Do you encourage them to learn your phone number so they can call you, and tell them that if they want to talk to you they don't have to wait for you to call?

If you have the phone calls written into your order, and she's not allowing them, she is in contempt of court.  You will need to have a record of denied phone calls, and back them up with a copy of your phone bill if you can.  If you live in a one-party state you can record your calls as back-up as well.

Don't give up on your kids.  I know it's hard and frustrating, and you're right - the system isn't fair.  My husband's ex cheated, took the kids, and is getting paid for it too.  But they need you, and if you stop calling they will think you abandoned them.  Keep calling, even if it's just to get two minutes to say that you love them.  They will see that their mom is keeping them.

[Gestalt]

[HIGHLIGHT=#ff0000]If you live in a one-party state you can record your calls as back-up as well.[/HIGHLIGHT]


I just want to address this part, I believe they are in separate states, so interstate recording may be illegal without two party consent....best to check this out before starting recording, otherwise I agree.

[anpdaddy1013]

i don't know. mine keeps telling my 6 year old that she doesn't have daddy's phone number then calling me while the kids away. also does not give daughter the mail i send her either. i do know in my case though, that shes violatiing the co again...too bad the court wont do anything about it.