Hello everyone! Any help is appreciated.

[JunonsDad]

   Well I have to admit I'm relieved to finally be apart of an online community that has applicable help for single fathers. I've been on tons of child raising sites since I found out about my son , but none really have information reptaining to what I'm going to post...so lets have at the nitty gritty of it?

    Alright...my ex girlfriend gave birth to my son back in April. I was unemployed and we agreed that since we both thought he was too young for day care that I would stay home with him while she worked. We lived at her mothers house and she took care of the expenses while I attended to our son. Well when he was two months old I discovered she had been cheating on me with her ex and when I confronted her about it she left her moms house and moved in with her ex.

Since I could not stay at her moms house with no job , I moved back into my mothers house with my son and I've been raising him since. When we first split up she gave me a little bit of money for me to cover my bills and purchase stuff for our son. Well after about the fourth month that stopped all together because creditors and bill collectors were hunting her down and began deducting money from her check. So that left my mother and my sister to pay for my sons supplies (when needed). Now my ex would purchase things for our son on occasion but the bulk of what was needed came from my mother and sister and I should also note that her visists became less frequent as time passed on.

Well regardless I've been at my new jobs for almost two weeks now and I've had my mother , ssiter , and my ex's mother(she defends me) on my ass to go for full custody ever since this all happened and in all honesty I'm scared to death of going to court. My ex wants joint custody but she lives in a tiny studio apartment with her ex and one of his friends. Now while

I still want her to see and spent time with our son I do believe that I deserve full custody and I've even tried to discuss this with her but she will hear nothing of it and threatens to go for joint...I've been the driving factor in my little boys life for over seven months now and I know that seems like pittens in terms of time some other people spend with their kids but this little boy is the driving force in my life and I just want what I think is best for him which is that I should have total control over who sees him , where he goes , and for how long...hell I'm already doing it now but I just want it on paper y'know? Sorry if this seems like one long rant but I really have absofreakinglutely no idea what to do from here. Thanks guys!

-Joshua


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[janM]

What state are you in?

Regardless, you absolutely should go for custody. At this point you have NO RIGHTS to your son. Even if you signed paternity papers, you need to go to court and file for paternity, custody and child support. Ask that your son remain in your care until the matter is heard.

Without anything "on paper", mom can come and pick him up and take him far away and you'd have a bigger problem trying to even be part of his life, not to mention an expensive  and lengthy court battle.

If she would settle for joint, that would actually be a good thing, but at his age a couple days at each home would be best rather than week to week. You can try for residential custody (and will likely get joint legal) but maybe settle for joint. A guardian ad litem would be good thing to ask for, although they are expensive. (S)he would investigate both homes and make a recommendation to the court as to the best arrangement for the child.

(btw...even with "full custody", you won't be able to "have total control over who sees him, where he goes, and for how long".)

Please talk to a family law attorney. Most will give free or low costs consults. Your court may have documents you can file, but talk to the atty first. He can help you do things right.

[boilergal]

Get in there and file and do it now. See if a clerk at the courthouse will help you, sometimes they will. Your X will still have rights, but you need to get custody legal on paper now before she figures out how to screw you over big time.

I don't mean to scare you...well maybe I do. You need to file for custody immediately.

Keep us posted!!

[Gestalt]

Yes, get the matter before the court, right now you have been the child's primary caretaker for his whole life, and have mom's implied agreement that you act as the child's primary caretaker. Good Luck!

[anpdaddy1013]

Calm down. I hate court too, but it seems like its in the best interest of your son and thats all the court cares about. She ABANDONDED him, she willingly left and doesnt seem to care to have a connection with him. It sucks, yes, but you've stepped up. How old are you? I don't know if that will come into play. What state are you in? If its Michigan I may have more information for you. You seem to have a lot of support from your mom, sisters, and the grandma, accept it and use it. Its emotional and brutal, be glad you have so many people who are rooting for you and there to help you.

[MomofTwo]

Anpdaddy...a father of a child who has no paternity established and was never married to Mom, has no legal rights to a child. 

She could, at any time, say she wants the child and he must return the child to her.  Worse case scenario, she can cause a whole lot more problems for him then that.
(accuse of kidnapping.)

Until paternity is established and he is given legal custody, Mom can come by at any moment and get the child.  The fact the child has been with him several months cannot stop  her from reclaiming the child at a moments notice, thus everyone's cause for urgency.


Additionally, to the poster, a small apartment is not a reason the courts will not give shared custody.  It is very likely that that shared custody is what will occur, so be prepared, but you aren't going to avoid court over this.   

[kay.lan]

I am going through a similar situation right now with my ex. She has taken away my  children completely from me. I signed the paternity paperwork at the hospital but was not aware that I had to file them with the court system. Im not trying to scare you but this is the harsh reality of it. If I were you I would go the hospital where your child was born and get a copy of the paternity paperwork from the records dept. Then as fast as you can get to the court and file it. As of right now you have nothing. I wish this was something that someone at the hospital would tell fathers that are not married, but they dont and that screws us dads over.

[Kitty C.]

It doesn't always work that way.  The only legal document that is issued from EVERY hospital is the birth certificate.  Some states might take that as proof of paternity, but most don't.  In some jurisdictions (like yours) it sounds like they will also provide documentation to file with the court to prove paternity, but I have heard very few who do.  It still requires filing a petition with the court to prove paternity.

Unless things have changed in the last 10+ years, I know that all the state of CA provides is the birth certificate.  I used to do birth certificates at the second leading hospital in Sacramento Co. for volume of births.  They required an inordinate amount of information on the certificate, but did not provide any proof of paternity.  In fact, the mother didn't even have to list a father, if she didn't want to....at least when I was doing them.

[kay.lan]

I live in Illinois and when my children were born I was on the birth certificate and my childrens mother and I signed a Voluntary Acknowledgment of Paternity. If you are not married when your children are born you have to file this through the court system yourself. If you do not do this you have no rights to your own children.