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Paying Child Support in Advance

Started by gemini3, Dec 09, 2008, 05:04:23 AM

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Has anyone had experience with this?  Is it possible to pay child support in larger installments than monthly?  We pay directly to my husbands ex, and it's a challenge because we try to stay "low contact" but she uses CS as a reason to contact my husband.  It usually starts a few days before the beginning of the month - we start getting e-mails/texts/phone calls asking if we can give her the CS a little early for one reason or the other.  If we say no she gets pissed and usually retaliates using the kids in one way or another. 

We always send the CS on the same day, via certified mail.  We usually try to just maintain our boundaries and the low contact and not respond, but sometimes she'll ask in front of the kids during pick-up or drop-off and we have to respond.  My husband agreed once because she was going out of town and wouldn't be home to get the mail on the day it comes - but I think that just made it worse because she sees it as a possibility now.

So we're trying to come up with ways that we can minimize the impact on our family, and we were considering paying the CS in quarterly installments so that we only have to deal with it 4 times a month instead of 12.  What worries me is that, if she went to DCSE, they would consider the 2 extra months a "gift". 

Does anyone else have experience with this?  Would you advise it?  What if we sent 3 seperate checks with the month covered designated in the memo field?

Thanks -



I think your best bet is to go through the local CSE office as it eliminates all contact and her hasseling you!!  If she doesn't get her check on time...too bad..you sent it in and it's up to CSE to get it to her!!

I did this with my DS's father because he would send the CS check at the end of the month and managed to only pay 9 months of the year.  So now it goes through CSE, I get a weekly check and it's great!  They keep track of his payments and if he falls behind they go after him for it. 

This would be far benefitial for you because then she cannot claim that you didn't pay.

She doesn't have access to your account information.

CSE will send her the money and keep records of what is sent.

You no longer have to deal with her! 
Now I'm living....Just another day in Paradise!!

Kitty C.

I agree.........here in IA, it's called CSRU (Child Support Recovery Unit) and after the BM filed with them when she got pissed off at DH, we've had absolutely NO problems since.  And DH doesn't have to do a thing..........once a case is opened, CSRU files a garnishment order with the employer and it's automatically taken out of the CS paying parent's check.  In DH's case, he gets paid twice a month, so half is taken out of each check.

In our case, BM got po'd at DH because she thought DH wasn't current with support by 12/31 of the year in question (this was about 7-8 years ago).  And if DH isn't current on CS as of 12/31, he cannot claim SS on his taxes.  Earlier that year, DH had gotten behind a couple months because he'd been laid off.  Then she immediately filed with CSRU because the court told her they no longer enforce CS orders.  So we got it current and they started taking it regularly out of DH's paychecks.

What BM refused to realize is that CSRU based receipt of payment when they got the transfer from DH's employer.  There was a lag time of up to 7-10 days sometimes before they got the money into her acct.  So BM got her money late at the end of that year and told DH he couldn't claim SS.  DH knew it was taken out because his employer itemized on his pay stub, he even showed that to BM.  She still said he couldn't and by this time, I'd already filed our taxes and claimed SS.

This didn't get ironed out until DH got CSRU to give him a notarized copy of their statement, which she finally accepted.  But by this time, it was past April 15th and we knew she'd claimed SS, too.  At the end of that year, the IRS notified us that, in so many words, she had, but we still don't know if there were any repercussions.

Long story, but every since then, BM has never said a peep about CS, except one time when her atty. for her 2nd divorce told her she should petition for an increase.  This was at one of SS's football games, he overheard, and told her if she tried, he'd disown her!  Now she keeps her mouth shut!

If you've been paying consistently (even if it's not monthly), having it go through a CS agency often will help to keep everyone honest.  Just make damn sure they have all the correct information.  I think a lot of people run into problems when the agency is the one who is actually making the initial amount determination.  If you already have an established order and track record, there should be absolutely NO change to it, tho I would recommend paying monthly if you have a garnishment.  Employers are accustomed to doing this, so it's not a big deal, but they probably will want to keep all their garnishments on the same page, which is usually monthly anyway.

Monthly CS payments will hopefuly shut her up but the best thing is, if she still has a problem with it (like she still think she's not getting it fast enough), tell her she will have to talk to the agency, because it's completely out of your hands.   And you never have to worry about getting it to her, plus you won't have the expense of sending it to her.  If she *itches about setting it up, tell her it's the easiest way to guarantee she gets the support regularly and on time.

And if she still continues to *itch, it never was about the support in the first place.  Just give her a little time........she'll find something new, LOL!
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......


Ex tried the same thing, wanting the money straight to her, but luckily we knew better.  We went straight to the judge and asked for a withholding notice!

We were able to get it, though for the first few weeks while being set up we mailed money orders straight to the child support office.

Now last year she moved things from IL to TX and things got screwed up and both states were taking money.  IL now insists we need DH's pay records (and we plan to get a copy of TX receipts) and present them to the judge to let him know why we hadn't paid.  We couldn't pay because we couldn't afford double the amount per week.

TX knew their order was illegal and didn't care.  So in 2009, we are going to find time to go to the judge and show our records and get IL signed off and closed so ex can't go back later and argue we still owe.

Except for the double support for awhile, we didn't mind it going to TX and again told the court we wanted the withholding notice and we got it.  It took a few months to get started, they had screwed dates and amounts up.  But TX stops CS at age 18 (or graduation of high school whichever is later unless the child doesn't graduate for other reasons) while IL requires the NCP to pay CS through college.


In Virginia it is illegal to pre-pay, over-pay, or under-pay according to the Court ORder. If you do, DCSE (division of child support enforcement) will come after you and JAIL you.
they have jailed over 177,000 parents in just last 5 years with only 360,000 "cases" to "manage"
they use non attorney receptionists and janitors to manufacture "administrative" orders and file legal pleadining in the courts to come after you.
DSS employees have illegally tapped into DMV databases and suspended over 39,000 drivers licenses - WITHOUT ANY NOTICE OF INTENT (as required by Due Process) They only "knew" about 4,200 of them by the way...
Child support enforcement is a RACKET - the commonwealth of virginia is the most organized crime racket in the country and they have defrauded the federal government and every taxpayer in the BILLIONS...
keep the "state" out of your private family affairs or become another SS# (socialist security number) SLAVE to the STATE.


BM kept trying to get DH to pay her directly. HA! That woman can't be trusted as far as I can throw her. He has his payment going through the courthouse and happily pays the $5.00 processing fee so he and the court has record of payments.

Remember this.... If she wants to contact you, eliminating the CS as an excuse will not likely change anything but her reason to contact you. BM has all sorts of dumb reasons to call DH. Everytime he changes things so she will no longer need to contact him about it, she finds another excuse.

Happy New Year!