father's rights with joint custody

[KatC]

my boyfriend (iwill call john) and his x (i will call lisa) have a son (i will call joe) john and lisa were seperated by the time joe was two. john and lisa have joint custody with joe living with lisa.
lisa is now remarried with two more childeren and they all live with lisa's parents. the males in her family have a history of violence and drugs.
joe is nearly thirteen now. in the last five years he has moved back and forth from lisa's home to ours.
as well as praise and rewards, our home has parameters. chores and rules aren't something that he is accustomed to. at lisa's house he could do what he wished, he just couldn't get caught. getting caught meant getting beat. joe felt the freedom with a threat of harm was better than structure.
he is paying the price for it though. his list or behavior disorders is growing. lisa has convinced him that he cannot control himself so he doesn't. she turns a blind eye to his cursing, drinking, smoking cigarettes, and using drugs.
he recently attempted suicide by overdose. lisa refused to acknowledge it. a friend had to call an ambulance when he was found nearly unconscience. lisa refused to let him go home, calling it tough love. she was threatened with abandonment and still didn't budge. she says she is afraid of him, that he threatened to hurt her and her husband.
 the state put him in temporary foster care. joe told lisa that if he couldn't go home then he wanted to come live with john and me. this angered her and she told him that when his time in foster care is done he can go with her. but she hasn't told that state that yet.
we recently discovered that she has been seeking an instituion to send him to for the next year or more. she feels that hospitalization is what he needs and won't hear of anything else.
the caseworkers disagree. they feel he needs a stable environment and counseling and he shoud be fine. they want him to be sent to us too. but for some reason lisa is the deciding factor. how can it be that a person who has surrendered and neglected her child still be the decision maker? where are john's rights? his decision has never been sought, let alone his opinion. the case workers never contacted him. we contacted them first.
we love this boy very much. we only want him to be happy and healthy. but the balance hangs with this unstable person who can't seem to make up her mind if she actually wants to be a parent from one moment to the next.
what can we do? we definately don't want him sent away. and we suspect that is just what she intents to do. with or without our consent. can she do that?  

[wendl]

Joint legal means your are SUPPOSE to have joint decision making on the major things in life of the child.

If you feel hospitalization is not necessary for the child you need to take your court papers down to the hospital and tell them NO WAY will they admit the child or they will have a law suit against them.

2nd get documentation from the current Dr's and counselors about this situation.

Seems you may need to go to court and file a change of custody.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[YahYah]

"significant change of circumstances". There's really no doubt in my mind your petition would be taken quite seriously, especially if the case workers do not want this child in foster care placement long, or an institution.  

There is NO reason a child should be in foster care, AT ALL, if there is another parent waiting to take custody.  This, right here, right now, what's going on with this child's life RIGHT NOW, is wrong.

I believe if it is brought to the attention of a judge, the judge will find IMMEDIATE wrong doing in this case.  The child should be with his father, unless he is in a juvenile detention center for the commitment of a crime.

You need to get your butts in gear and get a lawyer ASAP before even more damage is done. If you cannot afford a lawyer due to income level, seek legal aid.  If you do not apply, seek assistance from a law firm, asking them to help you by telling you what forms you need to file and how to write them out.  This will cost you, but not nearly as much as it would if the lawyer did it themselves, and you can have a paralegal assist you with these papers.

Actually, you may be able to hire a paralegal to fill out the papers for you.

It is crucial that you understand this to be a time-sensitive case.  As long as the mother is making decisions, and everyone is under the assumption that the father is in NO position ot making decisions, the child is at risk.

If the father is the joint parent along with the mother, the child should already be at home with the father.  The problem sounds like, she's the custodial mother, and if she wants the child in foster care, then this may be the snag you're dealing with.  Bring it to the attention of a judge "yesterday"... meaning, waste no time.