violated court order, what can i do???

[anpdaddy1013]

i think my lawyer is blowing me off. my ex has gotten permission from friend of the court to move our 6 year old daughter from MI to TN with her, provided she allow her "adequate phone interaction" with me. well, we missed the thanksgiving visit because her mom said the car broke down in kentucky so i got her for christmas instead. during that visit, my daughter told me "my mom says she doesn't have your phone number," now, i know she does, because she has called me on it many times since they have moved. and most frequently she does it when she says she is at work so i can't talk to my daughter. she's not keeping me informed on my daughters daily life, where she is, etc. my daughter told me that she tells her mom she wants to call me almost daily when she gets home from school and her mom says she doesnt have my number. now, i had my wife email all of this to the lawyer and we have yet to hear from her. its been a few days, and she's thinking that maybe the lawyer is on vacation due to the holiday... not only am i upset about this, but my wife and i both told the ex that there is well over a FOOT of snow on the ground where we live, daughter will need boots and appropriate clothing. she sent her with filthy canvas shoes, t-shirts, 3 pairs of underpants (for an 8 day stay!!!) and no gloves. the jacket i bought her has a hood, so i want's really worried about that. she even packed her a tank-top night gown. i had my wife take photos of the clothes the ex packed and of the snow outside. i even measured its depth one day - between 14 and 16 inches in the front yard alone. i owe the lawyer over $2100 and was briefly laid off. i told her about it and made a payment that fit my budget at that time. we are still having financial difficulites. my wife is looking for a job. we have found a babysitter for our toddler, and i am still looking for a job, just in case i get laid off again. could she be ignoring me and this case because of the money owed? my daugher needs to be living with me. the judge made the ex pay $2,000 to move to TN as a bond because she doesn't follow the court orders. what chance would i have of  pursuing the matter in my own hands at this point, without the lawyer? i have documented proof; photos of clohtes, her brown teeth (mom doesnt make her brush so her new adult teeth are a nice shade of brown), the flimsy shoes, the snow, things daughter has said to me and my wife during the stay. my wife's best friend sent an email to the lawyer regarding a converstaion my daughter had with her. it was about when her mom's car broke down in KY and she said they got picked up by some woman she didn't know on the highway and was taken somewhere that wasnt to fix the car. the strange woman didn't know anything about cars. my daughter and her half brother said they were hungry so the mom took them to burger king where the 3 year old half brother hit his head and started to bleed. my daughter was upset by this and kept saying "there was blood everywhere" and her mom wouldn't let them call an ambulance but took free ice cream for the kids instead. i'm losing my mind here. i'm afraid for my daughter. she isnt being taken care of and no one is listening to me. what do i do?? what chance do i have?? can anyone help???

[ocean]

This is a difference in parenting styles for the most part and the courts will not listen to it. Our BM used to do the same thing with the clothes but you need to pick your battles. Shop for your daughter on opposite seasons or ebay and have clothes there for her. I know it is a pain but this is not something that can be taken back to court.

Phone contact-Send your daughter home with your number or better yet ..make it into song and have her memorize it! LOL
Do you both have a computer? Set up a web cam for her to see you. Send her home with a sparc card that allows your daughter only to call you and use the minutes or a cell phone (kid one that only has parent number and 911)

THere are things you can do but unless you can prove neglect (which is VERY hard in a custody case) you need to pick your battles.

What is the $2000 bond for? I have never heard of this....YOu can file contempt yourself for the THanksgiving visit but she made it up to you at christmas so I do not know if you will get anywhere with that...

[anpdaddy1013]

Phone contact-Send your daughter home with your number or better yet ..make it into song and have her memorize it! LOL Inlaws got her a calendar for xmas and my wife put our phone number  on every page! lol
Do you both have a computer? Set up a web cam for her to see you. X flip flops on computer use. says she has one then says she doesn't. i have no idea. Send her home with a sparc card that allows your daughter only to call you and use the minutes or a cell phone (kid one that only has parent number and 911) my mom got her one of those when they moved and she did NOT even think of programming my number in it. i have not been given the number, despite, yet again, the CO saying i am entitled to EVERY number to reach my kid at. x and i had to sign an agreement that said we would do it, obviously she hasn't.

What is the $2000 bond for? I have never heard of this....the bond is because she doesn't follow the court orders. she actually kept my daughter away from me for over 14 months straight bc my mom talked bs about my wife and the ex and my mom are best friends (yay). she told her that my wife is a child abuser and manipulates and brainwashes my daughter. it couldnt be farther from the truth. my daughter and wife adore each other. the ex cant stand it so she tells her things like stepmom hates you etc.
YOu can file contempt yourself for the THanksgiving visit but she made it up to you at christmas so I do not know if you will get anywhere with that...Filed them before and she got a slap on the wrist and was told not to keep her from me again. I think what i really need is a new judge and moderator. how do i do this?? i really don't know what to do here. my daughter kept telling us how unhappy she is in TN and how much she loves being here in MI with us. the court  wont' listen to her, shes 7. her mom tells everyone how much baby girl loves it bc she loves it. she doesnt care our kid is unhappy so long as she is. i feel helpless and it makes me angry. i cant even console my daughter, let alone protect her.

got an email back from the lawyer. there isnt anything she can do bc of the amout we owe her currently. this sucks. i wonder if i would have a good chance of succeeding in getting my daughter if i pursued the matter without the attorney. any advice tips suggestions?? anything?!?!? lol

[MomofTwo]

A custody battle is a huge undertaking and best not left to individuals who have never done it.  Mom could retain an attorney to fight you and on top of not having money to pay for your own attorney, she could get her attorney's fees paid by you.   Unless you have some very very strong information that proves Mom unfit (and not just allegations), a change in custody is not likely to happen at all.  There has to be a change of cirucmstances AND  you have to prove the change is in your daughters best interest.  Seven year old children do not have any voice in a court of law. There really is nothing you wrote here that would warrant a change in custody.

Buy your daughter a pay as you go cell phone.  You can get them very cheap (Cingular for $14.00)  and program your number in it for her.  Why rely on Mom to program it...do it yourself.  If your agreement only says "liberal" amout of telephone communication, file for a modification seeking specific times to speak to her.   Ambiguous orders often lead to problems such as this, and it is best to have a detailed phone schedule. 

Unfortunately, you will have to buy her winter clothes.  Taking pictures of old clothes she sent along doesnt mean or prove anything regarding Mom's ability to take care of  your daughter. Frustrating yes, meaningful in a court of law, no.   Show your daughter how to brush her teeth and remind her of the importance of this. 

Since Mom gave you Christmas, a likelihood of contempt for Thanksgiving is extremely unlikely. If the courts found her in contempt the remedy would be make up time, but you have already had that.

There is also nothing to indicate a change of judge or moderator.  Because we don't get the outcomes we would like in court is not a basis for seeking a new judge.

One last thing....and only a guess here...children feed off the parent they are talking to/spending time with.  Don't rely on the fact your child says she doesn't like TN when she is with you.  She probably hears or has sensed of your disapproval over it and would never want to hurt your feelings by telling you she isn't happy there.    I am sure she is sad leaving you and her siblings, but children are resilient and she probably is just as happy to be home and see Mom.