Representing self?

[dipper]

Hi all, we do not have money for an attorney again.  Still paying from the January court.  However, dh is filing for custody modification due to some very serious matters.

When he went to court last June without a lawyer, he felt the judge did not listen to him and we know bm will have her arrogant lawyer with her again.  DH was totally unprepared for the lies and creative spins they used on the situation.  I got a taste of this in January - i dont know if she lies to the lawyer or he takes what she says and twists it to suit her....he was a very rude, hateful man......  

DH is going to represent himself.  He is not a well-spoken individual.  I think he would do fine if he just had a list of questions for her and went by those.  

If anyone has experience with this....how should we proceed in determining how to do this?  I have heard keeping it short and to the point is key - but then...how do you make all your points that you feel is important?

Can anyone else speak on dh's part - as far as questioning and such even though they are not a lawyer?

[IceMountain]

I think I read somewhere else on this site that you can read your 'testimony' to the judge.  This will ensure that you do not forget anything you need to make of point of saying.  And you will look better prepared and present yourself better.  Do a search for pro se tips.  

[IceMountain]

I just did a search for 'pro se tips' and clicked on the 1st link.  Here is what I was referring to, but you should read the article because there is alot of good info in there.

'Write down exactly what you want to say in advance. You can count on being nervous and forgetting half of what you want to say. Practice this and make sure it takes less than 4 minutes. Don't be afraid to read your statement to the judge. He understands that you are nervous.'

[dipper]

Thank you...I did come across that article.  I think dh will do fine giving his statement, its the questioning of the bm that is the problem.  Will the judge be tolerant of him reading the questions he wants to outline to prove his points?

I guess in four minutes you should be able to say all you really NEED to say without losing the judge in the process.....and if you are really nervous and fumble through, you would lose the judge in the first two lines .....writing it down is definitely a good idea....

[momof7]

I wanted to say that "I know what you mean!"
Sometimes when my husband gets all nervous and starts bumbling away, I want to run up there and speak for him!  Or at least remind him to say this, and don't forget that!...
I think the idea of writing it down is a good idea, and we will be more prepared if we do that.  GL to you and us!

[dipper]

I found out why my husband gets so tongue tied in this situation....I was on the stand in January - and bm and her lawyer just outright lie.  I dont know if the lawyer makes them up or bm tells him the lies - but its outrageous.  I was accused of fussing at her because I didnt want dh paying cs...totally untrue.  I have never complained about that - and we got in a fuss because she was rude and ugly to me, and I called her cheap because she didnt want to pay her $7  for counseling for ss each time............but, total lie told in court.  Once again, the father was treated as only wanting custody to save some money - however, no one ever views the bm as only wanting the child to get the dang money!!!

Best of luck to you!

[flewwellin]

We had to represent ourselves throughout all the custody issues and child support issues (and there were many) and like your husband mine is also not a well spoken person.  His emotions take over he becomes defensive and becomes tonguetied.  At the very end of it all when the courts permitted dh's ex wife to move 500+ miles away from us and the county jursidiction is held, my mother at the time dh's future mother in law was able to speak on behalf of dh.  guess it depends on the judge.  

[flewwellin]

Yeah my Dh's ex wife did a lot of lying on stand AND her lawyer backed her up the whole time.  definitely not unusual.... GRR

[jopanate]

I have found myself in a very similar situation.  What helped me was going to the local law school (University of Nebraska) where I am getting the FREE help of a 3rd year law student.  I don't know if you have access to a law school or not, but it's a resource the can be a god send for those of us without endless funds.

[dipper]

Can a law student actually go into court and represent you or just help so that you know what to hammer on?

I cant think of any law schools within a decent range here, but I will definitely check into this!

Thanks