If Wishes.......

[awakenlynn]

My DH and I would LOVE to have custody of SD. She is 12 now.  Right now if asked she would stay with mommy because that is all she knows. Her mom does not work and never has had to.  She has 2 siblings in TX where they are currently living.  They just built a house. Ex'shusband is in the military and is currently away(but not for long enough).  We tend to have more of problem with him than with her.  He has avery bad temper.  He used to hit ex, but have no proof as to whether it is still going on.  He tries to cause any problem possible, such as calling Public Aid in IL because we weren't paying child support.  He forgot to tell them it is abated in the summer when we have SD(he called in July).  That got them and the State's Attorney involved.  State's Attorney tried to up child support and we had to go pro se and prove the income wasn't there.
We have 3 children here, we live in an old part of town(not the best area,but it could be worse).  Our house is falling down around our ears, we struggle to pay bills every month.  I work parttime(because that is what I could get--still looking for better), but I still need to be full-time mom(cannot pay for daycare).

We get approximately 10 weeks visit a year, but we have to struggle with ex(and her husband) to get the right dates and then we fight on times.  We have to save to pay the transportation costs from Texas to IL and pay for our 3 hr drive to pick SD up at airport.  Ex has enough money she can buy a ticket and travel at the drop of a hat.  When she does we lose communication with SD(which we are court ordered to have weekly)

SDU keeps "finding" arrears and sending us new withholdings.  We are paying about $100/week now.  We have written, called and faxed to get updated receipts and find out where the new "mistakes" are at.  We have been paying our support and arrears religously.  There is no reason for errors.

It's getting depressing dealing with ex.  Ex isn't the worst parent, but she could be better.  Ex's husband is just plain bad, but no proof, just what we hear inphone calls and from SD.  We think we could definately provide a more stable, loving environment for SD.  We would love for her to really know her other siblings.

We have nothing to go to court with.  Just wish for equal time and ex to behave.  Since no reason to fight her with in court, we are praying.

We will have to go to court this fall maybe, we need to get parts of the visitation order more thoroughly defined so ex will stop some of her snits.

[dipper]

Hi, just wanted to say that if the communication is court ordered and the bm is not allowing that through her travels, that is contempt.  One way to 'document' the contempt is to write a letter to the bm stating that on Month, day, year, dh attempted to place his court ordered call to  sd at time......and that he had been unable to make contact - of course, if there is no specific day, then he will have to try several times and list each one.......do not make comments about the mother's travelling or any such thing - just the fact that dh did try to contact his daughter and could not do so for an entire week.....

If BM responds with a reason, she is admitting it...and if she doesnt respond at all.......she is admitting it by default.......

I think that would help if you feel your sd and dh are victims of PAS  (parental alienation syndrome).....

I know all about the money troubles....sometimes all we have holding us together is our love....

Best wishes...

[awakenlynn]

We keep a log and calendar.  It happens, just not often enough to get a ruling that she is purposely doing it.  She stays right along the line.

We are going to return to court though to get a few matters straightened out, such as notifying us when the family goes out of town, giving us a contact number each time they go out of town.  Possibly adding that every time they are in our area, they are to notify is one week prior and for each week they are in our area we get 48 continuous hours(such as when the family comes up for a visit outside of our visitation[the time at Christmas, the extra weeks of summer visit-like this time they left SD with maternal grandparents for 2 weeks, I would like 2 overnight visits]

Ex isn't the greatest parent in the world, but just enough we can't do anything.  We have nothing to fight for custody with, regardless of the fact its hard to create a lasting bond only 10 weeks a year and there is almost no bond between the SD and her siblings here.  SD has had that opportunity with her other siblings and she has a good relationship with her mother.  We want that same opportunity