Do I need an attorney? All opinion will be valued.

[sixxeight]

For the past two summers my now 13 yr old son has refused to spend any parenting time with his father. Last year I filed a motion for full custody and was awarded a 43% (13) share of the overnights per month. However, that court order wasn't in place until 8-22-04 when summer was nearly over. This year, the day school let out and summer parenting time (every other week) was to begin, my son again refused to spend any time with me, his father. His mother's position on this was not to force him to do "anything" he doesn't want to do. My position, after trying to work through the situation ourselves, amicably, was to file a motion to have the current custody order enforced. His mother than filed a cross motion which indicated:

1) "I believe it is in the best interest of our son, Dylan, there needs to be a modification of the previous motio".

2) "Our son son, Dylan, is refusing to see or speak to his father".

3) "Stephen [me] displays constant & continuing consistent emotional, physical & mental abusive behaviors and reprimands on Dylan".

4) "Dylan, our son, requests to speak with the judge for his reasons of non-compliance of the existing order".

All of the above comments bother me. But it's number three that really gets my goat because it is grossly over-exaggerated and/or completely false. But then again, coming from someone who allows a 13 year old boy do pretty much anything he wants and whose idea of discipline for anything short of murder is a good tongue-lashing and a fifteen minute timeout, I can understand why she feels that way. And I'm certain that Dylan feels that way--that I'm too strict--too.

Now, truth be know, I'm am tough on him. especially compared to his mother's style of parenting. But before anyone responds to this posting
let me tell you a little of what Dylan has been up to--or not up to--and my approach to those issues:

1) Hanging out with the wrong crowd. Not only have I and Dylan's mother determined the bad social friendships that Dylan cultivates but so have Dylan's teachers and they have told his mother and I so. However, while I endeavor to manipulate his social activities and friendships his mother, fearing that Dylan will become despondent, actually facilitates those "wrong crowd" relationships.

2) Dylan is not mentally retarded. In fact, he's very smart, as his teachers have said many times. However, if it were not for his mother and I and our daily involvement and interaction with Dylan's teachers, Dylan would have failed the 6th and 7th grades...and Dylan, himself, admits as much. On top of poor and unmotivated academic achievement, Dylan is, for many teachers, not only an classic under-achiever challenge but also a behavioral nightmare (refusing to cooperate, use of profanity, disrespectful, belligerent, poor attitude, etc. many such incidents led to suspension.)

3) Dylan has tested positive for use of Marijuana. I administered the test, at home, at his mother's insistence, and then had the preliminary positive result verified by a lab.  His mother, virtually breathed a sigh of relief upon finding out that it was "only" marijuana he was using. And to my knowledge has not done anything to address this drug use--nada!

4) Dylan's mother found a bottle of liquor hidden in Dylan's closest. About a third of the bottle had been consumed. Dylan's explanation was that the bottle belonged to his 17 year old sister's boyfriend and that he was just keeping it safe for him. This issue, too, to my knowledge, has never been addressed with Dylan by his mother.

5) Dylan refused to continue playing for his "All-Star" baseball team as summer drew near. Since he's a talented ball player who claims to enjoy playing the game, I have no explanation for this other than it was beginning to interfere with the "footloose" lifestyle he enjoyed while living at his mother's house.

As for me, me as a parent at least, I have always tried to raise (including discipline) Dylan by drawing on my own experiences as a child, a son, a student and a college graduate with a BA in psychology and those of the so-called experts I have study. In a nutshell, I both praise and criticize Dylan in a 3 to 1 ration, respectively. When I criticize, I point out, in a loving manner, what the inappropriate behavior is and why it's inappropriate. I always explain what, from that point forward, is expected of him and I detail the consequences he will suffer for not meeting those expectations. I then award or punish Dylan, according to the previously discussed consequences, for compliance and/or non-compliance.

Suddenly, I realize why I being so detailed and long-winded. I am put out here some of the points I never got to make in court...points the judge didn't seem to want to figure into his ruling (which he has agreed to give after he interviews Dylan).  Points that I believe he needs to hear in order for him to make a wise and proper ruling. Nonetheless, he seemed disinterested, or, in too much of a hurry.

Moreover, at the end of yesterday court appearance (7-22-05), the judge seemed to think it fitting to prepare me for what his ruling may be...a reduction in parenting time. All this he pre-decides on 15 minutes of testimony much of which came from Dylan's mother.

Enough said. If anyone wishes to comment or offer advice please do. If no one comments then at least I can take solace in the fact that I got this off my chest. But I won't stop here. My next move will be to tell my story (the Family Court system is not up to snuff, it's prejudice, indifferent and seemingly uncaring to a child's best interests) to every newspaper, TV Talk Show and Radio Talk Show in the nation.

Sincerely,

Stephen

[dontunderstand]

I am so sorry!  I work in a teen crisis center and ALL of the behavior is generally derived from a lack of rules, boundries, expectations and parents that want to be their kids "friend" and not be the bad guy.  Of course he doesn't want to be with you much, you expect him to behave in a manner that will allow him to be a thriving responsible adult.  The court well that is just rediculous.  Our BM allowed 7 YR OLD SD to be absent 60 days and tardy over 40 times and all the court said is (and I quote!)
"I see that you are trying to resove this, keep trying school is very important to her at this stage of her life"  What a bunch of CRAP!!!  Hang in there, keep fighting and know that if nothing else your son will see (probably as an adult) that you did everything in your power and then some!

[msme]

before the horse gets out. anotherwords, YES you need a lawyer & you should have gotten one before you went to court. It sounds like the judge is going to go against you so I would be looking for a lawyer & putting together an appeal to his decision. You only get a short period of time to file it.

Remember to find a lawyer who is a Board Certified Family Law & Custody Specialist. Ask all the pertinent questions like what is the firms percentage of clients who are single fathers, what is the firms success rate in representing fathers?

Remember that the attorney works for you & should be willing to answer your questions & also keep you informed of the goings on of the case.
Hope this helps you.

Good luck & God bless.
You never get a second chance to make a first impression!before the horse gets out.

[joni]

Lawyers who are certified in family law can be found here

//www.aaml.org/directory.htm

[backwardsbike]

To answer your question...yes you need an attorney.  But if things go on the way you describe I do not feel it will be you picking up the peices.  It sounds like your son is headed toward legal involvement.  Law enforcement may become involved and then the wisdom of your style of parenting will become evident.

Get that attorney retained and get ready.