Oldtimer here with some great news & advice needed!

[Ref]

For those of you that remember me, I have some great news. SD just turned 18 and is going to graduate in a couple of months! I am so excited! DH has 2 CS payments left, which means only 2 months to actually have to deal with PBFH!

Another bit of good news is, I am pregnant. DH and I are so excited. We are both in our mid-thirties and feel like this is a new beginnning.

The advice I need is, how do you recommend DH tell SD? We live very far, so it can't be face-to-face. For those that don't know the story, BM is seriously crazy and will make life as difficult as possible.  Graduation is at the end of May but I don't know if I just want to show up a giant and spring it on her and her mom.

Anyone have experience with this one?

Thanks
Ref

[Droogle]

Not sure how your relationship with SD is but what about flowers or such delivered to school.  Or Candy.  Congrulating her  on being a big sister. 

COngrats to you on both your big news

[gemini3]

Congratulations to you and your husband!!  Sorry that you have to think this through so thouroughly instead of just being happy, as you should be.

I think it's best to tell SD as soon as possible. If you wait SD might be upset that you kept it from her, and you definitely don't want to have her graduation over-shadowed by the surprise of the pregnancy and BM's ensuing drama.  You can't do anything about how BM is going to react.

Your husband will want to reinforce that it won't change the way he feels about SD.  That it's an addition, not a replacement.  Share your excitment with her, and make her a part of it.  Send ultrasound pictures, etc. 

I hope it goes well. 

[lucky]

No advice, but wanted to say CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

[Ref]

Thank you so much for your thoughts and your well wishes. I really like the idea of sending flowers, but BM has a habit of either refusing packages or opening them even though they are addressed to SD. Too bad SD is going to live with her mom for at least another 2 years.

It is a shame, but I think this is going to extemely unwelcomed news. I hope we are still invited to her graduation.

THANKS AGAIN!
Ref

[Davy]

Ref

huge congrads ... I think ya'll have been looking forward to these moments for quite some time.  My hope for you and your child is to take upmost care of yourself ... physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually and protect yourself, above all else, from any negativity and dysfunctionality.  That means not letting your baby become an object of BM's illness thru SD.      

You might consider forgoing the graduation ceremony and let the love and joy of the baby speak to SD directly.  Awsome and powerful that PBFH can not overcome.  Just my 2 cents !

Best to All !!

[Kitty C.]

Congratulations, Ref!  And that CS money will be a big help for the new baby, too!

Droogle suggested sending SD something at school....the PBFH couldn't stop that, could she?  I think flowers at school is a great idea, but I think what you really need to ask yourselves is how you think SD will react to the news.  The heck with the PBFH....with SD graduating and hopefully getting out from under PBFH's thumb, it shouldn't make any difference what she thinks.  But I would hate to see you and/or DH foregoing her graduation just because you're pregnant.  Yeah, the news will probably send the PBFH over the edge, but who cares what she thinks?

[ocean]

Does she have a cell phone? Maybe text her "How would you like to be a big sister in (June)?"

[Ref]

Great ideas guys! I really appreciate the help. I'll pass them on to DH.

We honestly can't say how SD will react. She is so much like her mom sometimes.

Thanks again
Ref

[MixedBag]

I don't think dad should miss graduation.

and if you're showing and can't be subtle about it, then I'd tell SD now and not at the same time or day of her graduation.

And then you both go -- be ready for drama which is the norm for the BM you deal with, and let it slide off your back.

If dad doesn't go -- I just recommend you two tell SD BEFORE the baby is born.