Custody modification

[backwardsbike]

I have a hearing set for a custody modification.  I am a NCP -Mother.  I live in the same county as my children but have only EOW partial custody.  Legal custody is joint.

I have had a very difficult time negotiating anything at all with the CP.  he seems to feel that he does not have to inform me of anything or discuss anything with me.  

One child has a mild Learning Disability.  In spite of very extensive testing the CP does not beleive the diagnosis. The child is under an IEP but the CP continually tries to thwart it and tells the child, " You do not have to go to your special instruction". CP signed the IEP.

Child was failing Algebra.  Got nothing but zeros for two straight weeks.  CP neither informed me nor contacted the teacher.  When I discovered this I set up a meeting at which tutoring was recommended.  Son's grades improved to nearly all A's.  Then without discussing it CP pulled son from the tutoring.  Grades slipped to about C's with D's and F's and missed homework.

I have tried everything I know of to help.  I have volunteered to drive my son to after school tutoring.  I have offered to do anything the Cp needs me to do to ensure he gets all the support he needs.  CP wants me to have nothing to do with child except my EOW visitation.

I have been told CP has told doctor's offices they aren't allowed to give me info.  I had to take my CO to the office to learn whcih medication my DD was allergic to.

Two counselors have been threatened by the CP because they worked with the children and were not hand-picked by the CP.  One was a school counsleor who told me verbally that my DD was especially concerned that her CP would find out what she discussed in therapy.  The counselor contacted me when DD stopped attending the therapy group in school.  DD had told me the counselor didn't need to see her.  COunselor says it was DD who stopped going to the group.  After the CP contacted this counseor the counselor refused to take my phone calls.

A guidance counselor met with me briefly when I went to see my son's permenant record.  It was really just a very brief meeting.  I had the impression she was just curious.  She had my son in her office when I got there and had us just talk for a few monents.  She observed.  Then my son went back to class.  I am not sure why she set up this impromtu meeting. When CP found out I had met with this counselor he was livid.  I did not ask for anything other than to see the permenant record.After this she refused to take any testing from me .  She told me I had to contact each provider who had done the testing a have them send it to the school directly because she was concerned that the CP would be angry she had taken the tests from me.  SO my son had to wait for weeks til the school got copies for the recommedations to be known.

The CP has delayed seeking medical attention for a wide aray of things.  Most notably three time he has not sought attention for severe eye infections and has allowed them to go on for five days only to phone me the night before my visitation to tell me to take the kid to a doctor.  He just puts Visine in thier eyes even though the symptoms get no better.

 He has delayed getting our DD braces for ten months.  He's just now seeking a second opinion.  The braces are 60% medically necessary.  Yet he gets angry when I arrange dental and doctor appointments he has neglected.  My daughter had not been to her allergist for more than two years even though she is to be checked every 12 months.  He admitted to not even knowing where her perscription nasal spray that is to be used daily is located.  He says she doesn't need it but I caught her using mine during a visit!    

The children are afraid to admit they have any symptoms when he is present.  Son told me he was congested.  I told the doc.  Son denied he said it ( with father in the room) doc examined and decided son had congestion and allergies and perscribed nasal spray ( perscription) which was never used.  Son denies he has any symptoms!

In addition to these difficulties exercising legal custody I can never get an extra moment with my children.  I can never get them for an inservice day.  Even when their Cp and SM have to work.  They are sent to church people's homes and I am told, "The children have other plans"

Activities are constantly planned for my parenting time.  CP plans his family vacation for my parenting time every Summer.  When I won't just give up the week without being given alternate time the children are told, " Your mom doesn't want you to have any fun."  He can not possibly give me any alternate time because he is so busy and has the children socially booked for a year in advance.  I am to just give in with no time made up.  This happens every year.  FOr pete's sake, don't they ever just look at the calendar and plan a vacation on their own time?

The children participate in scouts.  I support this but occassionally want to do something else during my custodial periods.  If they don't go to a scout function then I get a nasty letter from CP's attorney telling me I am court ordered to send them to every single scout event.  The order does NOT say this.  Yet CP does not take them to all scout events on his time.

The children are put under pressure to do what their CP and SM want them to do.  My DS has said upon realizing he will graduate AFTER he turns 18, " Oh I won't be obligated to go...to any certian school then!"  This was a shcok because he had not realized he would graduate at 19 giving him his whole senior year of being over 18.  I am concerned that he feels he has some "obligation" about where he goes to school.  I do not feel the kids have the feeling that they can freely decide where they want to live even though they are 16 and DD turning 13 next month.

They tell me certian things like SM dumps dresser drawers out on the floor when she's unhappy and she constantly has migrain headaches so they can't talk because the sound of thier voices are too loud for her and that she tells them to do work but doesn't say how she wants it done them makes them redo it all when they are finished because it isn't "right".   But they will never admit this to an evaluator.  We had a second eval last year and both kids admitted they lied to the evaluator so they could remain with their dad.  But neither seems happy and DS was diagnosed with mild depression that doc decided was due to the conflict between CP and me.

The whole thing is a mess and I'm headed to a custody hearing.  Can any one tell me if any of this will made a hill of beans of a difference.  I just want to see my kids more often and see them smile again. I want to ensure that they get appropriate medical and dental care as they need it, in a timely fashion.  I left thier dad when they were 8 and 5.  Thier whole childhood has been about this lousy custody battle.  I tried just leaving well enough alone but they aren't being taken care of in the Cp's home.  Any advice is greatly appreciated.