dad wants to visit...

[jessica78]

So my almost 12 yr old daughter hasnt seen her father since this last June... he is CA on "vacation".  Im not sure what from since he owes almost $23,000 in back support.  pretty sure he grows and sells drugs- but not 100% sure on that.
Anyways- he has left for several months at a time a few times before this.  He took her to the corner by the walmart in our town to ask for spare change (or pan handling as he calls it), his friend them both matching necklaces- made out of help for the necklace part and a blown glass pipe- yes for smoking weed with...and she brought it home and was so embarrassed to show me.

My question is this... should i allow him to visit with her when and if he comes back?  How do i explain to her i do not want her alone with him?  he doesnt have a drivers license because of lack of paying support- do i allow him to drive with her- what will happen?

[Kitty C.]

First of all, you do NOT tell her you don't want her to be alone with him.  That's putting undo stress on the child and an issue that should be worked out between the parents and/or the court.  Don't ever make a child deal with adult issues or issues beyond their control.

As for his license, if he doesn't have a valid license, you must remind him that she cannot ride in a vehicle with him if he is driving and that you have a responsibility for the safety of the child to report him if he does.  But in regards to the visitation part, it all depends on whether you have a custody order already in place.  If you don't, it's whatever you can work out between you both.  If you do, you have no choice but to follow the letter of the order, or you could be considered in contempt if you fail to provide the child for the other parent's parenting time per the custody order. 

It sounds like there is already an order for support.  Just remember that support and custody are two completely different things and you cannot withhold custody if he is delinquent.  All you can do is make every attempt to get the state to collect on it.  As for what he does.....unless you have physical proof, all it is is speculation.