scared my ex is going to run out of state with my kids...

[kennym]

i live in lexington north carolina...back in november i found out that my g/f was cheating on me with a 16 year old boy while i was at work everyday..(she is 27)we split up and she remained with the 16 year old....dss has gotten involved and placed our three children with her mother.we were both required to do several classes due to drug use and her inappropriate behavior with the 16 yr old..i also found out that the 16 yr old was hitting my children......the mother has not been attending any classes at all and still remains with the 16 yr old...she still uses and she lives with the 16 yr old and his mom...she has maybe seen our kids 3-4 times since november and has supervised visitation.dss has also ordered that the children not be allowed around the 16 yr old..since the seperation i have moved on with my life,stopped using drugs,i attend everything i am suppose to ordered by dss,i have a home for my children and i see my kids on the weekends and once through the week..dss has informed me that the mother and i have equal rights and custody of our children and if my ex wanted to she could just go and pick up my kids and take them out of state..she has attempted to do this once before in march 2009.i am working as hard as i can  so i can have my kids come live with me and i need to find out how i can file for emergency custody until i can get a lawyer..so she does not leave the state with my kids and to see if there is a  chance the court will grant me temp custody...i still plan on following dss rules and even will keep the children where they have been until dss releases them to me completely.please advise me on what i can and should do...i feel so alone in this mess...

[ocean]

It sounds like DSS has them in their custody now? If the mother has supervised visits, why would she be allowed to take children anywhere??? Im confused. Call the DSS social worker and see what they can do to help you get custody back. Ask them what the next step will be. You can file for custody yourself at family court but the judge will probably go with what the social worker says so see if she will support you getting custody at this time.

At the same time, DSS does not have parental rights so both of you have a say in medical decisions and major issues.

[gemini3]

If the children were placed in their grandmother's custody by DSS then she does not have the right to take them out of state.  They are ordered to remain in the grandmother's care until otherwise decided by the court.  Unless they terminated her parental rights your ex should get a follow up hearing to see if she is ready to have the children in her care. 

It also sounds like a custody determination hasn't been made between you and your ex.  That means that you will have to petition the court for custody of the children.  I would talk to a lawyer about this, and find out what the court usually sees as an appropriate amount of time would be.  They will want to see a history of being drug free, maintaining a job and a home, etc.

I don't think that a petition for emergency custody because you think that she might leave the state would be effective unless (a) you already had a custody order in place, and (b) you have evidence that she is planing to leave.  I suggest talking to a few attorney's first to see what they recommend.  There are plenty who will give you a free consultation.

As hard as it is, try not to worry about what your ex "might" do.  You cannot control her behavior.  You are doing all of the right things - and I commend you on your efforts to remain clean and sober, and maintain your relationship with your children.