Hello People! Long time no chat!

[SLYarnell]

Its amazing how many names I remember, and how much I felt at home logging back in today!  SD graduates from high school in a couple weeks!  Can you believe it?  We had her guardianship termination hearing earlier this week and she is now an adult!  Her dad would be so proud of her.  I cant tell you how many times I wish he were here to see her today, its just what he had looked forward to all during that horrible fight for all those years. She is going to go on to school to study Art Therapy so she can help other kids that had the same sorts of struggles she did and I am encouraging her to sign up and become a CASA volunteer.  She would be amazing at it with all the experience she had growing up!.

But I have another issue that brought me here today again,  My sons exgirlfriend has decided to turn my 11 year old grandson over to his dad.  This will be voluntary and I was wondering if any of you had suggestions on wording to have her sign that will help him moving forward.  He understands he will have to deal with custody and child support on two different levels but wants to have some sort of document she can sign turning over custody.  I knew you good people would be full of suggestions!

Looking forward to catching up!

Sly/Shellie

[ocean]

See if the mother will sign something by a notary...stating that she agrees that the child will live with him and be the primary parent (tell her it will be for the school and medical if anything came up).
Then, have him go to family court and get temporary custody (that day) no she cant change her mind. Then he can file for child support the same day but it will be a few weeks to that rolling. See if they can agree to a number so that wont be a fight either. The court will want to know when mother will have parenting time so be ready to when and how the mother will get child (if she wants to see him at this time)
Good luck!

[Kitty C.]

Hi Sly!!!!!!!!  It's great to hear from you!  And it's great to hear how well your SD is doing and her promising future!  I know her father's memory will guide her throughout her life.........he has a legacy he must be very proud of!

I don't have any 'words of wisdom' for your son, but it's good to hear that he's thinking very carefully about this situation and is trying to do what is right for his child.  As long as he keeps his son's interests ahead of himself (and you know he will), I think he will do just fine!

[gemini3]

But I have another issue that brought me here today again,  My sons exgirlfriend has decided to turn my 11 year old grandson over to his dad.

I'm confused... is she giving custody of her child to the child's father, or the child's grandfather?

Either way, there are several sample parenting plans on this website.  You would want to have the wording say that physical custody would reside with (father/grandfather), and whether she would retain joint legal.  Then you would fill in the other situations as fits their needs.  You should have it reviewed by an attorney, and then it will need to be signed off on by a judge.

[SLYarnell]

sorry!  My grandson will be residing with "his" dad (my son)

Sly

[Waylon]

Welcome back, Sly!

[SLYarnell]

Thank you Waylon *hugs*  I'm glad to be back!  (especially on the other side of the fence!)  *LOL*

[MixedBag]

you have a pm

[Kent]

Hi Sly!

Good to hear from you!

Definitely draw up some sort of paper where she acknowledges that as of [date], the father will become the primary caregiver of the child, and the child will place his permanent residence with the father, and have her sign it. Preferably notarized.

I would not file for a change of custody immediately; usually "status quo" will apply after  months, so if he can maintain the new situation for 6 months, then is a good time to file for custody. At that time the child is established in his home, and moving him back to his mother would be disruptive to the child.

Keep in mind that regardless of what they put on paper, he will still have to pay her child support as per the current court order. If they agree - even in writing - that he will not pay her anymore, he may be hit for arrearages if she changes her mind 5 months down the road. Best way is for him to keep on paying, and she gives him the money back.

Kent!

P.S. Don't be a stranger!

[janM]

Hey, Sly! So good to see you again! And so glad SD is doing so well!

Funny you should ask about giving Dad custody....that's what brought me here back in '01.

Mom was leaving GS with his dad most of the time, and seems like when she found out he'd had a consult with an attorney, she decided to give him custody. She was homeless at the time, and rarely had him in her care anyway.

They went to the courthouse in our county (son and GS were living here) and she filled out an affidavit and wrote a brief letter saying she wanted son to have custody. They had a brief hearing not long after that. The magistrate asked her how long this temp custody should be, 6 weeks? 6 months? She said 6 months.

So, just before the 6 months were up (he figured temp was good, we know what that often turns into), we talked to an attorney who said the way the order was written, it could expire so son needed to file for permanent, which he did.

Initially her mom hired an attorney for her to contest it, but before the hearing he talked her into agreeing to the perm. So at the hearing she gave her agreement (her atty didn't show up to this one, there was a previous one that was continued), they agreed to "as agreed" visitation, and no child support.

About 2 years later, after her promising to pay support on her own, he filed with CSEA. She is now over 16 grand in arrears but that's another story.

Congrats to your son! 11...man....my GS is 10 now but this all happened when he was 2/3. Apart from a period of about 2 years when he lived with me and dh, he doesn't remember living with mom. Giving him to my son was the smartest thing she ever did.

Keep us posted!