International visitation (non-military)

[mini_mel]

This is my first time here.
I am the NCP. I moved abroad (europe) 3 years ago with my non-American (soon to be) husband and eldest child, Ann (from a previous relationship whom I have full custody of).
My ex and I have 1 child, Sam (he has full custody at this time)
A quick background on why I moved- during the divorce we were given joint custody (with my home being the place of residence). In the divorce agreement it was ordered that Ann would also stay with my ex during his visitation time with Sam, so that the children would not be separated (this was my request). This went on for about 6 months. Then I moved from the suburb where we had lived into the city. At this point my ex refused to take Ann. This put me in a bad spot as I worked evenings and had no other support system, or any one to help with baby sitting. Everything began to fall apart. I lost my job. Then my landlord disappeared and the house I was renting was being foreclosed on. My ex-filed an ER hearing for custody of our child saying I was unable to care for her. I was not notified of the hearing (I had not had contact with my lawyers for over a year and assumed they were no longer representing me. I had moved twice, they did not have any way of contacting me. Hence i did not appear at the hearing and he was given full custody by default). Also, my (soon to be) husband's visa was up and he had to return to his country. Since I was in dire straights and did not see how I could improve my situation there we decided that I and Ann would follow him and get back on our feet.

At the time I left my ex said that once I was stable Sam could come visit. Each time I have jumped over the hurdle he put up he puts up a new one. I just want to have Sam here with us in the Summers and maybe every other Xmas until I finish with my degree and we move back to the states. (our aim for moving back is summer 2011)

I pay child support and during the summers I, and Ann have traveled back to the US to see Sam (we stay for 4 weeks). My ex has no problem with this. We have even taken Sam out of state to visit my family. He has demonstrated that he does not view me as being unable to care for Sam. He makes almost no contact with me or Sam during the visit. Calling maybe, 3 times in 4 weeks.

The issue now is that Sam is now able to fly UAM. I filed a motion with the court to get Sam here 6 weeks in the summer. The court ordered mediation. As I knew he would, my ex refused to come to any sort of agreement. I have offered to pay all expenses. He says he is worried about her flying alone. Something I understand but think Sam needs to, and has the right to, visitation with us. While I can afford to pay for Sam's trip, we simply can not afford to travel to the US and stay in a hotel for 2, 4 or 6 weeks.

What i need help with is tips or stories. I am now going back to court to get this visitation ordered by a judge. Has any one been successful in getting a judge to agree to international visitation UAM? Can you tell me about your case? I will not use a lawyer so please do not bother to suggest that. (i can't afford it and am still in debt 10K to my old lawyers!)

Thanks in advance for any help.

[awakenlynn]

While our case isn't international, we also had trouble with ex and SD flying.  What we did to "help" ex is that we picked an airline and stuck with it even if other airlines had cheaper flights .  We researched who the airline used as a caretaker/chaperone for the UAM's.  We printed off maps of the airports and kept the airports the same for each flight.  The adult gets to walk the child back to the gate and when boarding comes, the child will either board very first or very last with any other UAM's and their chaperones.  The other parent will be waiting at the other gate waiting for pick-up.  Since the child is younger, keep the flights to non-stop, not the early (take into account drive time plus the 90-120min the airlines want you there early) and not the last flight of the day.

With our ex and we had to go to court, we had everything printed off in its own file and just handed it all to the judge--maps, chaperone company information, airline information on the UAM's, notes about flying non-stop, the general information about the airline we picked and the airports we would use.  The judge told the ex to grow up and if we could do this research then so could have ex and with hubby's permission just handed the file over to ex.  With SD being in TX though, they try to order non-stop flights until age 16, while other states allow children to fly with lay-overs according to the airline rules or if they don't have flight experience they fly non-stop for alittle while.

Double check airline rules since the flights will be international.  Do all the research you can so you have everything together for the judge and that will help alittle.  Make sure you think of contingency plans in case a flight is delayed or re-routed (for like bad weather).  Also, make a note of who will pay for what if there had to be a flight change. 

Lynn

[Kitty C.]

Just one thing to add about UAM (since we did it for 10+ years):  I think the rules for UAM are established by the FAA.  There is little to no variation on the rules across the board with any domestic airline, but I have no idea about international.  In our case, it was the judge who recommended DS fly by himself, whcih I had not heard of before at that point.  But...at that time all airlines required children under the age of 8 to fly ONLY non-stop.  We live in IA and DS's dad live in northern CA.  So we had to drive 4 hours/250 miles to Chicago to get him there, costing us 1000 miles every time he flew.  Given the issues regarding DS, we decided to extend that by one year, so it wasn't until DS was 10 that he actually flew by himself.

But this is from 7 years ago...I have no idea if any of the rules have changed, but I do know that the UAM charges have certainly gone up!

Awakenlynn is also correct about the escorts.  The way it works is that when a child checks in, a form is filled out by the sending parent and it includes numerous spaces for every attendant in charge of the child and stays with the child along with their ticket and/or boarding passes.  The first airline personnel to sign it will be the attendant who takes the child from the parent.  Anytime after that if there is an exchange of attendant, the next attendant will sign the form as well.  That way, by the time the child arrives at the final destination, there will be a list of every airline personnel who was responsible for that child. 

Prior to 9/11, I was allowed to take DS directly to the door of the plane, but after I had to hand him off to an attendant at the gate.  DS was always the last off the plane and if I could see down the jetway, I would watch for a big person coming up the ramp holding the hand of a little person and I knew it would be DS.

One thing to ALWAYS remember when picking up a child at the airport:  make darn sure you have picture ID on you or they will NOT allow you to take the child, no matter how hard the child cries or you try to convince them.  My atty. told me of how a dad went to pick up his son and forgot.  The child was crying 'Daddy, Daddy!' but they made him go back home for his ID.