Moving

[gemini3]

We just got word that my husbands ex is planning to move with the children.  The good news is that they are not planning on moving out of state.  The bad news is that, instead of being only 15 minutes away, they will now be close to 45 minutes away, almost an hour during rush hour traffic.  That means an hour and a half round trip to pick them up for visitation twice a week, and it will be much harder for my husband to be involved with their schools.  Plus the kids will have to change school districts.

As it stands now he is very involved in their schools.  He goes to parent-teacher conferences, volunteers at the school, takes the kids to dances, etc.  We also have visitation on Wednesday afternoon, and now there's no way he will be able to pick them up on time on Wednesday because he won't be leaving work in time to get there.  Especially with rush hour traffic.  On Friday he will have to drive there and back during rush hour, which is an almost two hour round trip.

There is no good reason for this move, except that they want to be closer to her husbands mother so she can watch the kids while BM is at work.  (Which my husband has been doing up to now whenever she has needed it.)  The kids will have to change schools, their father will have much more limited involvement with their schools, definitely won't be able to be involved in any extra-curricular activities, and it will make visitation much harder.  In fact, Wednesday's may not even be an option.

My question is, do you think my husband can fight this move?  It's only two towns over but, when you consider how close we are now and how much involvement my husband has, it would have a major impact on his relationship with the kids.  Is there anything that we can do?

[ksmarks]

Do you live in the children's school district?  How old are the children?  Any mention of relocation range in their paperwork?  How many miles away is it?

A number of factors figure into how to approach this, distance, reason for the move, kids ages and current activities they are involved in, just cto consider a few.  How soon do they plan on moving?

[MomofTwo]

Most states allow a move within a certain number of miles (typically 50 square miles) before they even consider it a relocation.

It depends what state you are in.  This being addressed in the court orders supercedes the states statutes. If the court orders are ambiguous, then the states statutes take precedence.  If the move is under the allowable number of square miles, it is highly unlikely there would be anything he could do to prevent the move.  Any idea how far and what state?

[gemini3]

We do not live in the same school district.  We are in a neighboring district.

No paperwork was filed (yet) - we got the news from the kids.  I don't know when the move is planned.  Sometime over the summer is my best guess.

In our state there is no statute regarding distance - just that they have to give 30 days notice, and then whether or not the move would be allowed falls under the "best interest of the child" test.

In my opinion the move would not be in the children's best inerest - it would limit their fathers involvement, cause them to change schools (again), move them away from their friends, and cause the visitation schedule to be revised.  BM nor her husband have employment close to where they would be moving to.  In fact, they would be moving further from their employers.  She has no family there either - but her husband does.  I don't think that she should be allowed to move the children away from their actively involved father so that they can be closer to her in-laws.  (Who are active alienators, by the way.  Their bad-mouthing of my husband has been brought up by the oldest child in counseling.)

[ocean]

Either way they are going to have to change schools now...if they come to you..new school too. If you lived in their school district than I think you would of had a "shot" in court but she is moving so either kids go to you or move with her. Like you said it is not a far move. See if you can get makeup days for the week days you will miss. Tell her you will not fight the move if she signs that you get an extra week in the summer or every winter break or something like that? Our state has 30 miles law...without asking permission.

[ksmarks]

Any time a kid has to change school districts there are potential issues, loss of friends, and supports that they have already established with the school personnel, etc.  You did not say how  old they are or what grades they are in, yet you mentioned counselling for the oldest boy.  Any idea what the therapist's imput on this would be?

In my husbands paperwork his ex was precluded from moving more than 30 miles, hence my question about milage ( actual distance) and whether or not their original paperwork stated anything.  Additionally our courts have looked at reasons for the relocation as well as interferance with the other parents parenting time.   

Do you know what the kids feelings are concerning the move?  It is not fair that dad should be precluded from their activities and potential parenting time, usually the parent the moves has to bear some of the tranportation issuses when there is a move.

I have not sever seen the in-laws play an important factor in relocation and if they are already not supportive of the children's father that raises red flags as to whether or not they will be adding to the childrens' mental health and well being.

Do the kids have a law guardian?  Any chance that if they stayed with you they could still go to the same school?

Just lots of questiosn still, on my end.   

However, agruments must be based on demostratable negatives, loss of time with dad, change in schools, (kids age is a major factor in that argument) does dad have local family that are actively involved with the children, the counselor- will the child be required to change counselors?   

[MomofTwo]

I think Ocean is right....since the children are going to have to move schools either way, it would not seem likely for a custody change.

I would tell Mom you want an extra weekend a month to make up for the Wednesdays (or more time in summer) and that she needs to meet drive the additional distance or share in that transportation somehow.

[ocean]

Also, she should be meeting you now at a half way point or something... since she moved she needs to do some of the driving...

[Davy]

An involved father and the kids may very well prevail to prevent the move by showing the primary motivation for the relocation is to further disenfranchise the father from the kids.

As it hapens, I personally know the father (we had mutual friends) that was able to limit the children moving (first ever) hence the 50 mile standard mentioned earlier by momofftoo.

The young father, a hot-shot attorney in the particular jurisdiction, was able to override the pro-mother status quo that prevailed in the mid 1980's when the non-working mother attempted to relocate the children out-of-state (approx 100 miles) to St Louis, Mo.
The out-of-state move was prevented so the mother said fine she would move to Chicago (approx. 230 miles).  Needles to say, the father was able to prove up that disenfranchising the father was the mother's primary motivation and was able to limit the move to 50 miles.

The mother initially moved 20 miles and the children maintained an active relationship with dad.  As I came to understand, as the children grew older, they spent most of their time with dad.  In other words, the CHILDREN WON by having a relationship with both parents.

Heavy traffic would not have been an issue but a boring 55 mph speed limit may have.   

The most important thing you should take away from this post is that the battle is more so against a pro-mother status quo judicial system than the other parent that is consenciously aware of this abuse and behaves accordingly.

[gemini3]

As it stands the father has 3 hours on Wednesdays and three weekends a month, plus part of the summer and half of all holidays.

Transportation is currently shared, so meeting halfway would make it less of a burden on each party - although we have it worked out so my husband picks up the kids because the mother was consistently "forgetting" to bring important items - homework, coats, important stuffed animals (when the kids were younger), even sometimes shoes.  So after much fighting and intervening by the counselor, she agreed to let my husband pick them up from her house so he could make sure they had what they need.

I just don't understand why the courts would allow a move that would clearly inhibit the relationship of a very involved father and his children.  We already had to take BM back to court once for visitation interference.  The judge ordered co-parenting counseling which has been helpful.  The counselor is by us as well - so he would be out of the picture too.

I just forsee a lot of problems in the future should this move happen, in addition to the loss of time with the kids. 

We are military so we don't have family locally.  No one does, except her husband.  My husband has refused orders because it would cause him to be away from the kids, to the detriment of his career track.  It's very upsetting to think that she would be able to move them away on a whim.