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Daughter wants to move out of state with Non-custodial mother.

Started by lostwithoutdaugther, Jun 17, 2009, 11:59:27 AM

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Okay here's my story....

I had a baby with a man that I never got married to.  We separated when she turned 2.  We both lived in Ohio at that time but I was not from here so I had no family here to turn to.  His whole family resides in Dayton.  He knew I was planning on leaving and he tried to threaten me that he'd take our daughter.  So, he had me served with custody papers as we were still living together in the house.  I sought legal advice.  My attorney then told me that if I was planning on leaving the state to do it without telling him because he could get a stay put on me leaving and I didn't have anywhere to go as we both made the mutual decision for me not to work while we had our daughter.  So, no money, no where to go but out of state and I wasn't going to leave my daughter behind. (fathers I know this is hard to understand) while I agree is hard for either parent to leave a child.  My intent was not to hurt her father...we just didn't get a long and one of us had to make the decision and unfortunately it was on me to make it.  He kept saying if anyone were to leave it would be me cause he didn't want to be the bad guy even though he knew we didn't get a long. Anyway, I left the state of Ohio to go to my moms in Texas.  It was either there or California....where I'm from.  Yes, he was hurt and upset when he found out and so was I.  But I felt I had no choice as a mother...to keep her daughter.  Well a couple months after that, we had a hearing in Ohio and I won sole custody.  I felt awful....he was crying and my heart was torn.  Never once did I ever think he wasn't a good father...we just both didn't want to lose our baby.  Well....months go by and he and I both end up married to other people.  Mine was a rebound sort of thing...it was so hard to be a single mom...things I didn't really think about when I left her father...I just wanted to get away from the arguing.  So, I think I just settled with someone for support...I was struggling.  Well, needless to say, my marriage didn't last but maybe 10 months if that.  When he caught wind of my divorce he acted.  I didn't want my daughter to see me all stressed out and upset so I asked her father to take her for 6 weeks while I go through the divorce and bring her back when it's peaceful again.  Well, I thought I was doing the right thing by letting her go to her dads so she wasn't a part of any of this.  Well, her father took that as amunition and even though he signed an agreement to bring her back to me in 6 weeks, he didn't.  Instead, at the six week mark, he had me served with another set of custody papers.  I was devastated.  I was picking myself up yet again....and fighting for my child.  I didn't see her for months...I couldn't afford to fly back to Ohio on my income...no relatives helped me and cried daily for my daughter.  I had to get another attorney and go through the court thing yet again....by this time I was completely in debt up to my ears in attorney fees. at age 25.  Well, I got to the point that I was awarded temporary custody until the fnially hearing after months of waiting.  More time goes by cause as you all know the courts take their times with this stuff....and I get to the final hearing month and my attorney needs more money to continue...and I didn't have it.  I just couldn't lose my apt, my job, my car and still fight...I literally had NOTHING.  I had to settle with her father in court which gave him primary custody of her.  I think that was the day I died.  After that...I left Texas for California....I needed to be alone.  I had nothing left in me.  I had to pay 400 in child support and airfare to see my daughter.  For a whole year and a half...I vigorously saved money with my mission to get back to Ohio for my girl.  Well the glorious day came when I was able to get back here right as she began kindergarten.  When I came back here to Ohio in 2004 I took her father back to court...3rd time.  This time I was in charge of what I wanted.  We ended up getting a shared parenting agreement in place because I was living in the same city.  It was soooooo great to see my baby every week.  I had a great job....until after three years, I get laid off.  Well, dayton is the pits for finding work....work that pays anyway...and I can't default on my child support which got reduced to 230 a month.  So I had to look in other cities...like Cincinnati.  I found one there that paid what I needed and I had to move.  So, my daughter stayed with her dad, but the agreement never changed legally.  Well,  okay now I'm 32 and back in the dayton area after meeting the love of my life.  Well, he's in law enforcement and my luck after finding a WONDERFUL man who not only loves me but my daughter just as much, he's being relocated back to Michigan where he's from because he has a house there that he can't sell right now do to the crummy market.  I want to go with him.  We intend to be married even though aren't engaged yet, but i know in my heart this is right.  My daughter loves him too.  Well here's the thing...my daughter told me wants to live with me now.  That she misses me and wants to know what it's like to live with her mommy for a change.  Well, with that request, I just can't let that go.  So, now I'm having to see an attorney again...the 4th time.  And everything rules in her father's favor since she's been in his home and school district since she was 4 and she's now 10.  Everything is great there...she has a little brother and a nice step mom even though she hates me, and she's doing well in school.  My concern is that the court isn't going to see it in her best interest to move with me.  But, I'm her mommy and she's approaching womanhood and feel she needs me during this trying time in her life.  My daughter is my life.  I've spent my entire 20's fighting to keep her.  Though drained, I will never give up on her.  Some may say for me not to move, but I can't let my life go to crap and not have a chance at a family of my own with a wonderful man.  And she doesn't want to see up part either.  I'm going to see an attorney and I have no idea what they are going to say my options are but I thinking that it's not going to be good for me.  I have heard that Ohio is a state where the judge doesn't really consider the child's request or feelings on the matter.  I'm nervous and just want my baby back after many years of trying to hold on to her infant memories of being a stay-at-home mom and losing my heart shortly after.  Thanks for listening.

Kitty C.

First off, would you please edit your post and break it up into paragraphs?  It's difficult to read as one whole block and you may get fewer responses as it is currrently written.  Also, the State Forums don't normally have the traffic that the regular forums so, so if you receive minimal response, you might try re-posting on one of those.
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......