DAD to get 50/50 custody

[giovanna74]

I am sure this is a common story but I have to share. My husband has a nine year old child with an ex girlfriend. They split when the child was one and she ended up getting pregnant with his best friend.
Ever since the visitation schedule has been on her terms. She used my husband as ap ersonal babysitter for many years. When she was upset she would refuse visitation for months. The child has always been very attached to her father. Anyway when th child was six she moved without a phone number or an address. I finally found her a year later and filed for visitation. My husband was put on a step up plan (2007) and now has visitation every other weekend and one evening a week. We decided to move close by so he can be an active parent. So in October of 2008 we moved 3 miles away from her. We tried to get more time from her but she refused. When we told her we would file a motion she said agreed to extend his time to Monday mornings.
I accepted becasue it was the middle of the school year. It is now summer and I would like to have 50/50 custody. She will not agree to any more time and she hates that the child does not want to leave my home when she is with me and 5 other siblings. Can I file for joint custody? Does me moving closer make it a change in circumstance? I am concenred for my aughter becasue she is terrified of her mother if she shows any love toward me. My daughter has to address me by my first name in her home and call her husband Daddy. I think she may need a psychologist todeal with this nasty conflict. All I want is to spend more time with her and be active in her education. Can someone help me figure this out. No money for attorney. Spent all just to be able to get every other weekend because she was fighting me on it. She was hoping I would disappear so her husband could adopt my daughter. It's just crazy and my daughter is stuck in the middle of it all.

Thank you for all your help.   

[Momfortwo]

Your post is confusing, first it starts out like you are the stepmom and then it changes to where you are the father, which one is it?

I'll answer both ways:

As the stepmom, you have no legal rights to file for a modification of any type.  Only the father can do that.

As the father, you have the right to file for a modification of custody.  When the mother has denied you your parenting time, did you file contempt of court charges?  That will help document her refusal to follow a court order.

[MixedBag]

It's probably a stepmom trying to help a dad -- realizing that dad has to do everything and she needs to support him.

giovanna74, your concerns are also experienced by many others around here.

Moving?  = change of circumstances?  That depends on many things because there are 50 states.  I suggest you find your state's code/law on-line and see what it says regarding a move. 

Sometimes you gotta stop fighting with the other parent, and start filing the paperwork with court.  That sorta forces the whole process and their hand.

I'd also recommend to get your child into counselling -- particularly since having your child call you by your first name in the other parent's home is just plain not right. 

Since you're so close geographically, ask for the "Right of First Refusal" in your court paperwork.

[giovanna74]

Sorry I confused you all. I am a step mom trying to help my husband. We do have "Right of First Refusal" but BM does not follow the court order. She went out of town and pulled the child out of school rather than have me keep her. We live in CA and we just want to spend more time with the child.

My husband has tried to talk to BM to get the child in counseling but she refuses. So my husband was going to file a motion for:

1. 50/50 parenting plan becasue we live 3 miles away

2. Ask the court to allow counseling for the child.

3. TO order co-parenting classes for both of us.

I also read from different posts that ourts do not like to award 50/50 custody if parents do not get along. My husbands ex is just impossible to get along. She will just ignore his emails even if it is just asking for basic information.

Thank you

[ksmarks]

as a resource I suggest that you check what information Cornell's Legal Information Institute has their link is below:

http://www.law.cornell.edu/ (http://www.law.cornell.edu/)

Good Luck!

[giovanna74]

Does anyone know of a good attorney in Orange COunty CA that is not expensive. I don't think my husband can do this by himself.



THank you

[ksmarks]

 
Again more links however, they might help you, --- 

Did you file when she violated the order previously?

I would not worry so much about the getting along thing at this point, it was a pretty common excuse used by our local courts about ten years ago, however, things have changed a great deal since then and primary concerns now are that both parents parent their children, and that dad has the opportunity to be activily involved ( absent abuse, etc.).

We do a lot of pro-bono work here in conjunction with the local law schools, and legal aid,  so I would also suggest that you call the local law schools as well as the Local Chapter of Legal Assistants, or Paralegals, ours is attached to the Local Bar association, they might have information of local reduced, free, or evan fee scale schedule resources available.


Just as a side issue, having 50/50 custody does not preclude child support being ordered, I have seen cases were it was called a wash, and likewise, have witnessed the court ordering child -support to be paid if there is a major income disparity between the parties

As to counseling is there anything that is precluding you from taking your daughter to see a therapist during your parenting time? You indicated that she spends one night a week with you.

http://www.courtinfo.ca.gov/selfhelp/forms/familylaw.htm (http://www.courtinfo.ca.gov/selfhelp/forms/familylaw.htm) - california court forms

http://library.uchastings.edu/library/ (http://library.uchastings.edu/library/)- cal

http://lalaw.lib.ca.us/ (http://lalaw.lib.ca.us/)- cal


Best Wishes, K

[giovanna74]

Thank you for the helpful information.
She just violated her court order in MAy so no we have not filed yet. We were going to ask for the 50/50 and add the violation in the declaration.

There is nothing that stops my husband from taking his daughter to a therapist but the court order says that both parents have to both agree on services and healthcare professional. My husband asked mom to chose a psychologist together and she will not agree to it.

Thank you for all the links. I will try to see if anyone can help.