grandparents gaining permanent custody of grandchildren

[snowrose]

Has the mother actually filed for custody of the children?

[amy]

she has. on june 26th, 2009
we did too, on April 28th, 2009

[snowrose]

You do have a chance, because you currently have temporary custody.  It sounds like the children's mother is going to have to prove herself fit to take them on.  So I guess the answer is the same as for any of us trying to get/keep custody from an unfit mother: document, document, document!

Keep a journal of everything that happens that seems significant to you.  Even 3 and 4 year olds can sometimes tell you unusual things that happen at mommy's house.  For example, if grandpa (BM's father) is the one who has to bathe the children then make sure the court knows that he is the one caring for them.

Make your case that it's best for the children to maintain a stable, continuous environment and they've lived in your area/home for X years.  Make a case of what relatives are around you that are currently in the children's lives.  Make a case about current daycare or school that the child(ren) attend and how it's best for that to not be interrupted.

Let the court know that you'd be glad to give very liberal visitation to the mother, as you believe the children should grow up knowing their mother, but that you also are seriously concerned that the mother isn't capable.  The mother's history with drugs and giving up the children are admissable because those things do have to do with her stability and ability to properly raise them.

Good luck!

[Davy]

Not true.  The reason you have the opportunity for custody is due to the mother's totally outrageous documented behavior over a long period of time.  That behavior is far more significant than the 7 mos. of temporary custody (by default).

From the get go, it was a gross error by the the GAL to recommend such liberal access to the children especially when the mother is out of state.  At most, the mother should have been offered supervised visitation...a little more as time goes on and then only if she proves herself to be simply darling. 

It seems to me, from what has been posted, the kids would be best served if half as much effort were invested in rehabing the father as the mother,  He's the one with the history of caring for the children and mother probably wants the children for more welfare money.

Thank God for the gp's. 

[snowrose]

Not true.  The reason you have the opportunity for custody is due to the mother's totally outrageous documented behavior over a long period of time.  That behavior is far more significant than the 7 mos. of temporary custody (by default).

That's your experience.  Don't go around saying my experiences and those of my friends aren't true.  They and I have lived them and I know that the courts do ignore drug offenses often, and they do put weight on 6 month + custody and proof of a stable home, often.

[Davy]

You never mentioned your team of friends until now and it wouldn't had made any difference in my post anyway which had nothing to do with you and your friends.   You made a bold statement  concerning ths thread and I simply disagreed.

Please keep to the subject matter of the thread rather than turn each post inward to yourself by attacking others.  Thanks in advance !   

One might suspect the reason the gp's have temporary custody (besides the ability to care for and protect the children) is due to the mother's outrageous behavior especially toward children...not just drug issues.  It appears both bioparents had dropped out of the children's life. 

The major issue by far is that the children have been placed at risk by the court (GAL) when there were clear rational alternatives.

[amy]

Thank you everyone for the good advice and encouragement.  I've emailed the GAL to re-iterate my concerns and we have been documenting, and will continue to.

[MomofTwo]

For what it's worth, I think both Davy and Snowrose are both correct...

What the courts will most definitely evaluate in determining permanent custody is 1) Mom's history and 2) current custodial orders and how the children are doing.

I too have seen cases of parents who have made some very poor choices get their children back and I have seen cases where the judges absolutely would not consider uprooting the children from where they are.

The courts will look at Mom giving up custody to Dad - especially custody of a child not even biologically his - her drug history...etc, BUT the courts will also evaluate how she is doing now, where she is, how she is doing, etc....

The courts will also consider the children have been with the GP's for the past several months, how stable they are, etc...

Whatever your judge considers and decides,  Davy was right about one thing, thank God you are there for your grandchildren.

One question though....was Mom made aware (legal notification) of Dad's disappearance when the courts gave you temporary custody?

[amy]

Yes, the mom was given legal notification that we were motioning for custody.  This displeased her, and she then arrived at our home with a police officer stating that we had to give her the kids then and there.
We contacted our lawyer and miraculously found my son.  My son signed a document saying that he wished for the children to reside with us, and the lawyer got a ex-parte order executed which had a very short time frame before expiring.  He ordered an emergency hearing prior to the expiration date, and it was determined at that hearing that we would have temporary custody until other areas related to her being able to regain custody were looked into.
It's reached a point where it now feels like we've somehow been co-opted into going forward in this action (which has as its over-riding theme the notion of the BM "regaining custody" looming large), and that we're just supposed to be trusting of the process and stand by and let it play out.
I worry about the signals I give off because I happen to be a very sympathetic person, and there are moments that I find myself wanting so much for my ex daughter-in-law to triumph over her problems and reach a point where she is capable of giving the kids what they need.
I think that she does love them.  I'd love to be able to persuade her that she would still be their mom and be given ample time with them, but for the time being this plan seems really ill-advised, and couldn't she just consider doing this somewhat differently.