What can I do?

[mrsbeasley]

I am here because I made the biggest mistake of my life. I signed over custody of my daughter to her father when she was a year and a half old. It was a mistake I immediately regretted and have been trying to fix it ever since.

I was with her dad for about two years. We had alot of problems in our relationship from the start. Including drugs and physical abuse. I want to be very honest here so you can understand the whole situation. When i found out that i was pregnant the drugs and drinking and everything stopped.I quit smoking pot and meth cold turkey and never looked back. I left him after her first birthday, and he made my life a living hell. He stalked me and did everything he could to control me. I moved in with my mom, who does not have a very fit place to live at all, but i didnt have any options. I had lived and worked for my ex for two years. When i left I had no money no job no place to live.

After about two months he told me that he would call DCFS and have her taken away from me because of an unfit living situation. Then he started working on my mom. She finally gave in and started hounding me saying she thinks it would be better if I gave him custody. That he had money and a way to support her and i didnt even have a job. I was at the end of my rope i didnt have a support system anymore. So I signed over custody.

My daughter is six now. Her dad has made my life hell. He has controlled every aspect of my life that he possibly can. After i signed over custody I wasnt smart enough to get a set visitation schedule so i saw her whenever he saw fit. About a year later i had my the man I would later marry and started to get my life back on track. I went and got my GED I have a full time job and married my husband. We took him back to court and have a set visitation schedule.

The problems that are happenig now are he is not bathing her or brushing her hair. He threatens to kill me and my whole family when I do something that he doesnt like. He was busted for a dru charge in november and I have very reliable information that he is doing drugs with her in the room, and have even been in the room when he was doing this and called the cops and they said there was nothing they can do. She is six and still sleeps in bed with him. My lawyer has told me to document everything and I do, but tells me that there is still nothing I can do and I dont have enough. He is not motivated and seems to not really care what happens in my case. What can I do? I dont know where to turn now. I am looking for suggestions, advice or anything that can help.

[Giggles]

First things first...I commend you for putting the needs of your child first!!  I too gave my x custody of our daughter because I too didn't have a way to support the 2 of us.  Thankfully for me, my X and I get along very well and our daughter grew up with the best of BOTH of us!  She is now 17, doing great and is a wonderful young woman with a good head on her shoulders!!!

Congrats on getting clean, married and stabelizing your life for the benefit of your daughter!!!

As for the issues your facing...in some ways your lawyer is right.  I know DD is young, but try and show her how to properly bathe and comb her hair.  Does X interfere in your visitation?  If X is threatening you...report that.  Does anyone go with you for pick-ups /drop-offs?  If not, then start having someone go with you as a witness.  You may want to look into 2 party recording laws of your state.  Carry with you a tape recorder.  Keep documenting everything!!

[mrsbeasley]

 
I have been showing her how to bathe herself, shes a little young yet and has problems getting things done right. Conditioner before shampoo and things like that . Shes very smart and is picking up on things fast.

Yes, my husband goes with me every time i go for a pick up and drop off. He was ordered to meet me at mcdonalds and has not done that more than twice in the last 4 years. I told my lawyer and he said that it wasnt worth going back to court. I think I will be shopping for a new lawyer.

As far as state recording laws I am going to look into that closer, but i think my lawyer said i had to tell him i was recording him. and unfortunately hes not stupid enough to say anything stupid on recording.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story and give advice I truly appreciate it.