Temp change in custody

[lovemykidz]

My DH 16 yo daughter informed us that she did not want to go back to her mother's at the end of summer visitation.  We got an attorney in TX, ended up having to go to a child psych b/c bio mom thought we forced her to make the decision.  Pscyh gave DD MMPI personality test--DD took 4+ hours to not finish it so test could not be scored.  Pych says DD is 2 years behind peers (makes sense--she's 16 but failed 2 grades in school), and took what DD said out of context.  DD said that she wanted to live with dad, but would accept what ever the decision was--psych said the DD didn't really care where she lived, and needed a full psycho-educational workup.  We met with bio mom and her attorney, and DH, me, and our attorney to work out temp arrangements--if we had gone in front of judge, we would have lost.

When mom got served with paperwork, she told daughter that if she lived with dad, she would never see bio mom or sisters again--bio mom would not travel out of state (to her home state where her family is) or buy plane tickets.  We have this taped per attorney advice to be ready to tape.

Now that daughter is with us, mom has not called--previously, she called AT LEAST every other day.  DD called mom twice--first time, mom barely talked to her, last time, mom told her that nobody down there cares if DD died, that they would just forget about her.  Of course, DD was extremely upset--went to grandma on dad's side for comfort.  The overnight that biomom had with DD between psych appt and court time, bio mom told DD that if she called her grandparents or aunts, they would not answer the phone, and if they did, they would just hang up on her, and if she went to visit, they would not answer the door.  Mom called it "tough love"  DD told mom that it wasn't love, it was f*** disowning someone.

Advice:  should we continue taping conversations between DD and bio mom?  So far, all calls have been from DD to mom--mom won't call.  DD has talked to her sibs many times since this all started--but only to mom 1x before court, and 3x since (it's been a month since paperwork was served).  We have temp custody, but are afraid we may have to head back out of state in Jan for perm orders.  Mom is being extremely mentally abusive, and it probably won't stop.

Bio mom is extremely cruel (mentally), an very convincing liar, manipulative, able to use courts to her advantage, just plain evil.  It is definately in DD's best interest to be out of that house.  We are convinced that if she has to go back in Jan, there will be serious issues--mom being vindictive, DD possibly hurting self or attempting suicide.

[ocean]

Are you taking her to regular therapy in your area now? I would make some appt's ..find someone you like. Let them hear the tapes so they know what is going on. Then let them start dealing with these issues with SD and her mother. They will teach her what to say to her mother on the phone. Therapist may call mom. Mom is "hurt" that her daughter picked her father over her and she cant handle it. If you have a therapist now and they are not giving her the tools she needs to deal with mom, find a new therapist.

[armycoppertop]

I would keep recording, as long as it is legal (consent laws and all that jazz). It is additional evidence of how BM is treating SD and serves to show that SD should be with you instead of her and that BM is probably going to emotionally abuse SD if she retains custody of SD as pay back for SD wanting to live with dad.

[lovemykidz]

BM seems to have chilled out and is letting daughter talk to her sisters.  So far, no other problems.  DH and I would like to get daughter in counseling--she has been in counseling before and doesn't like it; she has no faith in counselors and doesn't think that the do anything or help, just play games.  I see a counselor every 3 months for ADD.  I will talk to him next time I have an appt b/c all this stuff definately adds more to my plate!! (not complaining, just dealing with it-- )

We will be getting a full educational assesment when school starts in another few weeks.  I am sure that there is more going on than what DD is telling us--I do know that she has some anger issues that come up occasionally.

DD's mother and SF are currently separated--heading to a nasty divorce.  SF knows how cruel and manipulative BM can be--he's seen it for the whole time they were married.  He wants DD to send him a letter telling him what BM has said and done in the past.  He says it is so he can get DD's stuff that she left behind--but it sounds like he wants ammo for his fight.  We won't let DD get pulled in the middle of that fight.  She did not want to speak negatively about her mom in our case, and we told her she shouldn't have to, so we definately won't let her get used in the other case.

She has a lot to deal with...