The "woman" filed abuse/assualt charges against my ex-husband!!

[armycoppertop]

Ok, here's a doozy for ya... my ex and I split because he decided the grass was greener on the other side and left me for another woman - who he then got pregnant and had the baby before he had even filed for divorce (he had just given me the paperwork so I could waive the 30 days the week before he drove down to FL to be with her for the delivery, so I didn't give him the paperwork back until after they got back!). Within a year, she had filed for divorce, and asked for sole custody based on "abuse and refusal to bond with his daughter." Her justification for it... he would come home from work (he is active duty), be exhausted because at that time he was going in at 0530 because he was stuck in the orderly room, and not getting home until after 7 pm, and not really be in the mood to go out to the mall with her, or want to run around the house "playing" with the BABY, or anything like that - he wanted to sit down, rest, and be in bed shortly after that. On the weekends he did plenty - I have pictures of him playing with his daughter, I have pictures of him out bowling with her and friends, all that jazz.

Well, he had been reassigned to another post, with military schooling enroute. She choose to remain at the old duty station, then move back home to FL instead of going with him to school, or going to the new duty station to get a home set up that was close to his military school and that was at his new assignment. It was shortly after he got there and got housing that she informed him that she wanted a divorce, and a few months after that that he deployed on another deployment. She never brought their daughter to visit him, refused to meet him halfway, etc. When he got back, he made two seperate visits to FL to see his daughter, at his own expense, on top of trips down there for court, but the judge ordered her sole custody and SUPERVISED visits (to be supervised by HER, schedule to be determined by "agreement" between her and him) based on "lack of contact between father and daughter due to miltary duty". According to her, she didn't request supervised visits, the judge did it all on his own, and the judge refused to put a schedule on the visits because "He is in the military, who knows when he can see his daughter." She has made two trips up here so her daughter could see her father, and during both those trips, she not only stayed at his house, she slept in his bed with him. She told me that she only wanted a supervised schedule for short term until her daughter got used to her father again, since he had been gone so long, but now she is wanting him to meet her halfway becauase she is comfortable with him now.

Now, less than a month after her second visit, she all of the sudden changed her phone number and refuses to give him the new number so he can talk to his daughter (thereby denying him access to his daughter). He informed her (via email I believe) that since she is denying him access to his daughter, he is going to file for full custody of his daughter - I know, chance in hell, especially since FL is anti-father/soldier, but he is willing to make the fight. All of a sudden, he has been informed that he is being charged with abuse or assualt, one of them, because he is harassing her by threatening to file for full custody. Now he needs me to write a statement saying that he has NEVER abused me or my children in our five years of marraige. My oldest just turned 9 years old last month, youngest is 6 1/2. We are doing joint custody whenever we live close enough to each other... like when we both live on the same military post, like RIGHT NOW! I have no court order for custody OR child support, he can barely afford the $100 a month he DOES give me for the TWO of them, because she is getting around $600 for ONE child... BACKDATED TWO YEARS even though a judge had denied her child support during an earlier hearing during his deployment. Her actions are threatening MY children's well-being and I just don't know what to do. I want to go down to FL to teach her what a ********************** she is, and I want my ex to actually be able to be a father to my children, even my husband wants to kick some butt, but I just don't know what to do!!

[MomofTwo]

The courts would have absolutely taken into consideration your children if you had a child support order and he was paying it.  But you don't, so from the courts perspective, his child support to her was based on his earnings and no support being provided elsewhere. That is not  threatening your children.  I think its's great you have worked with him and work well together, but your take on this is wrong that she is threatening your children, but realistically, if he wasn't paying you anything to begin with, that really hasn't changed.

You have NO bearing on his case with her. If you choose to testify saying he isn't like that with your children, that is up to you, but you are not a witness to their relationship. Having pictures and his side of the story is just that, his side of the story.  Do you really believe you being involved and teaching her a lesson is going to help him?

I don't know what his visitation orders read, but if she is not complying, then he needs to file contempt.  A judge isn't going to change custody initially over this. It has to be a long repetitive pattern.  He has to show how a change is in the child's best interest and a change in circumstance.  It is a big deal to change custody.

If his orders are ambiguous (and read like "agreed upon visitation...) then he needs to file for a modification to visitation and have set visitation.  The likelihood of finding her in contempt when there are no specified visitation orders is not likely. ALso, unless she was court ordered to drive and meet him for his visitation, she is not obligated to do so as well as the phone ... unless she is court ordered to provide her home phone number and he has court ordered phone time, she would not be found in contempt. It really is very specific to their orders. 

[armycoppertop]

I consider a false abuse allegation a threat to my children. That allegation could potentially deny him access to my children during a drawn out investigation, denying my children access to thier father while she takes her fun because she has all this power over him, and can manipulate the government to control me, as well, in order to continue to control him. That allegation could also deny my children ANY support of any kind what so ever. My ex has always paid me what he could afford before the court order for her was in place, but these allegations could potentially cost him his security clearance, and therefore, his military career. She would have no problem surviving on ZERO child support, seeing as she has always worked multiple jobs at a time since before she met my ex, and relocated herself to be closer to her family so she was set when she filed for divorce, however, I have two children, no family outside of my husband and ex in the area, no work history other than military service, and can't find someone to hire me at minimum wage, let alone pay me enough to pay daycare for TWO children... while her daughter is routinely watched for free by friends and family. The consequences of her actions have potentially severe detrimental effects on MY children.

She knows all this, she has always known all this, because when they first admitted to me that the baby was theres, my ex and I had agreed on a child support amount previously, they begged me to take a lower child support amount so that he could afford to feed HER daughter. My dumb butt agreed to it, instead of telling them no. Being the bigger person has bitten me in the backside.